Wednesday, December 15, 2010


While waiting for the 4:30a boat, one of the canine handlers came upstairs with his ward. Another K9 pair was upstairs at the entry to the lobby, the human talking to another standing with them. When the human who'd just arrived upstairs saw the two he said, loudly, "why's _____ standing next to that homeless guy,". 

While I certainly under the playful disparagement...

it seemed slightly inappropriate given that the ferry terminal tends to be FULL of homeless people at that time of day.

But I guess I'm just too sensitive.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

My sister's stolen fb status

Because I've seen her write before...

"Sometimes I wish I didnt have feelings..
Sometimes I wish I could crawl in a hole to never see people again.
Sometimes I wish I had laser vision.
Sometimes I wish I were never born.
Sometimes I just cant understand others logic.
Sometimes people try to make me think I'm crazy.
Somtimes I hurt.
Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I could kick my own ass.
Sometimes I could kick King Kong's ass....



"Violence may have sometimes cleared away obstructions

quickly, but it has never proved creative."

The Big E. A. .

The stuff I think about.

Was just considering the relationship between The Circle of Life, a great twisting motion and Infinity,

but couldn't come up with a clean way to connect them.

Perhaps the answer is the massive, distorting gravitational force of the the center of Everything.



May continue pondering later.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

From ''Echo''

''you cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.''

the big AE.

''In nuclear war all men are cremated equal.''

dexter gordon

Monday, December 06, 2010

"We, ignorant of ourselves,

Beg often our own harms, which the wise powers
Deny us for our good; so we find profit
By losing of our prayers."

shakes via A&C via menacrates

Have you ever

Inhaled jazzand exhaled (relief)?

Sunday, December 05, 2010


Tony Williams Lifetime

unrelated - something in this room smells like fried checken and it's making me want fried chicken.

Friday, December 03, 2010

"...confesion of error

is like a broom that sweeps away dirt and leaves the surface cleaner than before."


"For me God and Truth are convertible terms,

And if any one told me that God was A God of untruth or torture, I would decline to worship Him."


Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Ex Machina: Truth vs Fiction

"What else did they get rid of, truth justice and the American way?''

''Nah, truth ended when they shot MLK. The American way died over Vietnam.''

''And justice?''

''Sh#t, man. There's no justice. There's just us.''

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Amazing as it might be...

It is not until JUST now,
while listening to Zo & Tiggalo's cover of ''Human'',

that I realized I LIVED this song.

At first, I thought it was just her verse,

but it's the whole song.

I am now deciding if I am required to now remove my deep, deep 20-year-old care for this s
nThat's a lot of g.

That's a lot of care.


Friday, November 26, 2010

I went to sleep

At 4a.

I'm awake at 7.

Not because I need to be.

I just...woke up.

Somebody called me at 5 fortysomething.

It started then. Why?

I ask you


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Holidays. Ugh.

I guess it's because this is always the lean time of year for me, so I can't go be with the familial units,

or maybe it's due to the inherence of my hermitish tendencies,

OR that I'm going to get cranky that people is beatin up my tms for the month,

but I do seem to get in a ''way'' about this time every year.

Maybe I just need to get up. I'm beginning to think the guy at the natural food joint was on to something with his sun/vitamin d deficiency thing.

Bonus strange: night before last, I had a dream that I had that dream where you can't find your nipples. You know that dream, right?

Bonus bonus - using fb or tms to tell people to remember the tragedy of stolen land/indigenous people on T-day is the new trite. Gotta innovate, people. Plus, that's what COLUMBUS DAY is for.

Example: consistently refer to today as "Yanksgiving" or "Ganksgiving". See if anybody gets it.

T-day is better reserved for highlighting hypocrisy of having a day of over-indulgence in a country given to it year-round.

Discuss at the dinner table for maximum effect; bringing up environmental impact of additional burden to sewage system is NOT off-limits.

(I love how I always manage to cheer myself up by the end of these things)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Another item for the here-to-fore un-occurred file

My mother's baby sister could seem, at first glance, the least like her of her siblings.



(petite/tall & voluptuous)

(married with children/never married & no-kids)

(Me Phi Me / Zee Phi Bee)

But, the thought just coalesced in the everlasting ephemera of my brain-scape viscera,
that they seemed the most alike to me.

I think (myGwen) aspired to be like (the G.o.A.T. Barb). College educated, own career and such. Actually, she beat her to a grad degree. They share the same alma mater for both grad and undergrad (technically not; for all intents and purposes, they do).

They both even look remarkably like their mother, each getting a unique set
of physical traits from her...

in that way that you couldn't look at either one of them and not see Annie Muriel.

A remarkable and groundbreaking realization?


But it just happened in my head.

And made me quite :-) .

So :-P .

;-) .

? nemow evol os I yhw rednow uoy dnA

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Don't kill me.

I got back on the bike for the first time in a few weeks to head into the city tonight. Having FINALLY received my Eneloops, I decided to try riding with a light for a change. With an old, stretched-out hair band, I laced up a single from my Stanley Tripod (on my backpack). I decided against putting on my "alert" orange NYC Marathon jacket since it got a mite nasty at the race last week and makes me look more destitute than usual.


I consider strapping a light to the handlebars, but, since I travel with traffic, decide that the one facing the rear is really the one that matters (in other words, I got lazy)

So, happy that I've apparently missed the rain for the day, I head out and down Victory Blvd. A car comes up behind me and stays comfortably far behind, even though I try to give it room to pass. Hey, maybe it's cuzza the light! I breeze through some lights and get away from the traffic behind me.

When I get to Van Duzer & Victory, the light is green so I chug on through, except that there's a Jeep that seems intent on turning left and it is doing so despite my forward progress through the intersection. The driver at the last moment realizes that there is a solid object (me) between the Jeep and the intended direction as I brake hard (instead of swerving away like probably should have), thus I survive. I get out an indignant "@$$hole" before it starts to settle in that, while the driver was not quite properly allowing for deficiency of vehicle headlights, my dark blue pull-over was not-so helpful itself.

Bike Riding Realization of the Day: IF YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIGHT, PUT IT ON THE FRONT.

So, still feeling a bit indignant but mostly heartened by the rollicking and aptly executed track on the Le Da Soul - 20 Years of De La Soul Mixtape, I turn onto Water St. from the ferry. Heading north, a Highlander cab performs a U-turn right in front of me. Now, I've realized that I'm not as visible as I could be, but the illegal moves cabs pull really, REALLY bug me. And this time you even cut me off to do it? I go to his window and get his attention, asking if he knows that he cut me off when he performed said illegal U-turn.

His reply: so what does that mean?

My reply: It means pay more attention to someone who doesn't have the protection of a vehicle, but as much right to the street. It means value my life more than a tip.

His reaction (to whatever it was I said): Laughter, dismissive swear, drives away.

This causes yours truly to sprint to cab at next light and have his first full-fledged, non-over-the-shoulder expletive filled freak/curse out explosion including informing the passenger that he should not tip this driver and, if he does, he's rewarding problematic behavior and is just as bad. Not done, your humble blogger then follows, hooting and hollering proclamations of the cab driver's fear of him all the way onto the West Side Highway which, at this point, the vigilant bicycle rider is not even sure he's allowed to be on.


So, I continue on, fairly well pissed and thinking about what I has shoulda had done and what I had shoulda had said and how I could have gotten him the ticket he deserved had a police officer been around. I get to my destination and hear a rather nicely written piece of theater/self-discovery. I see someone come in with a wet umbrella.


Finally making it outside, I see that my bicycle is rather moist, as is the ground and the atmosphere.


My belief that I'd missed the precipitation dashed, I suit up and mount my thoroughly damp saddle to ride from  West 21st back down to the ferry. It's wet. Still drizzling. It's night.

Oh. Boy.

But, you know what?

I had a lil' talk with Jesus.

And, because of that rain, I rode more focused than I had all night before. I made it to the ferry, then made up the streets the hills didn't seem so hard and I walked the bike up to the front of the building just as the last track of the mix tape finished.

And it was scary and glorious and invigorating in that way that living life is.

And it didn't kill me.



Thursday, November 11, 2010

The other night

I dreamed that I picked out my hair at the root and the tips and it was all soft and poofy.

On the cusp of waking life, I realized that ain't possible,

and I woke up.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"I'd almost forgotten the excitement of not knowinging...

...the delights of uncertainty."

Jon Osterman

"you get to be a hero... believing in the hero within you and summoning him or her forth by an act of will. Believing in yourself and your own personal potential is the first step to realizing that potential."

Adrian Veidt

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Bunny Sigler

This my first acquaintance...

I am overwhelmed.

There is, in my universe, no funkier person to have ever lived.

I have to change music now, so that I can get something done,

instead of sit here and have church for the rest of this collection.

Praise God for

ears and

feet and

hands and



Thursday, November 04, 2010

Yes, it is 3-near-fourish in the morning,

and I am making soup.

The Fall Funk (aka the Stank at the Back of My Throat) has hit, and I am determined to defeat it with nutrients and anti-oxidants.

And Thai noodles.

I finally found them by themselves.

I think they shall take the place of the ramen I'd like to find separately, but cannot.

There's probably something I should be doing right now.

: p

Monday, November 01, 2010


Whilst reading The Watchmen for the second time, I've just noticed (for the first time) that the international symbol radioactive depicts rays/waves emanating from an object.

Wow. That only took []x decades.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


 A week and change ago, I said this.

Just now, while reading a script I'm mighty darn certain I'm going to make myself available to audition for, I read this (paraphrased):

Perhaps it is messy. Maybe it can just be that, and can be in it together!

Egad, children.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Coincidence of the evening

Well, there's probably a better word than that.



So, I started reading the authorized biographic graphic novel of Nelson Mandela. A section on his early life recounts him being confronted with being leader at school and whether he should report a fellow leader for breaking rules. A thought bubble summarizes the predicament, ''who will guard the guardians''.

Interesting to me since I had two copies of what is often called the greatest graphic novel of all time sitting on my trunk. It's theme, repeated in backgrounds throught the series is ''WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN''.

One wonders if that was on purpose...

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Theory #(who knows)

So, in the past I've had this thought...

That people who are ''taken'' have been because they figured out whatever it is we're supposed to learn about life while we're here...

Thus why ol' folks so often seem cool with ''leaving''. It's because they've got it, know they do, and know why they have to move on to whatever is next.

But I wouldn't call that a revolutionary idea.

But I've also theorized that people who are ''taken early'' are people who figured it out early, so they got to leave early. Or maybe it's a talent thing. They were called up (sic) due to extraordinary ability; needed elsewhere and the rest of us aren't ready/haven't earned the right to know what they know....

(you think LeBron could fade that?)

And maybe,

maybe that's what happens to youth, children, babies.

Can you imagine that? A being, not even able to walk or having situated thought and action enough to be able to speak coming, by happenstance or probability, the thought simply, universally, compulsorily true that God looks down and says,

"yes, you got it. Come Home."

Though, maybe that means there are those who are taken that are so confused, clouded that, not only will they never arrive at it, they so interrupt the path of those around them that they must be removed...

The cosmic referree keeping watch over and keeping in balance advatntage and disadantage; removing thosel with too much to give and those who take too much.

Maybe, the end of the world is just when mankind finally progresses past man.


a baby miscarrying after being there for a weeks, not even a month, because she's already figured it ou.

Imagine that.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Last Man: The Deluxe Ed. Book Two

Is the first time reading the front leaf mad me say "wow".

Just got pulled over

for "speeding".

I translated as "out of state license plate at 5am".

I guess 3 unis getting out of an unmarked is ''necessary".

Heard what sounded like southern LA to me.

I love being used as "practise".

Monday, October 18, 2010

My current definition of "married couple"

Two people who've gone through some sh!t together, who realize that - together - they can get through some sh*t.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Wind is not merely air.

It is air that is moving.

Since starting with this acting thing,

When I tell people that I'm an actor, I'll often hear something to the effect of it being ''my dream''.

Wanna hear a secret?

It's not my dream. I've known this since the first time I heard it characterized as such. I guess it can be for others, but I can't see how it could be.

Have you ever seen a dream? They're huge. Acting? A dream?

It's too small.

SO. Since I figured out what it isn't, I began putting some thought into what it is.

I think I've stated here before that I once wanted to save Black people.

Eventually, thad grew into wanting to be a superhero when I grow up. I just wantBut, I don't think I thought of that in terms of being a dream.

Maybe it's because I thought of ''a dream'' as being something more tangible, active.

Or, maybe, I thought ''dream'' to be something more fantastic.


So, here we are at ''now''.


And I think I may have figured out what my ''dream'' might be.


I want to be elemental,

a force of nature,

the literal and figurative embodiment of the penultimate singularity: Creation.

I want to be a sentient Act of God.



ex to save everybody. That was only a few years ago, by the way.

Friday, October 15, 2010

At this moment,

I'm contemplating beung the one who always knows what should be said, what should-have-been-said

and still being the one who doesn't just go ahead say it


why won't I just go ahead and say it?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"And the of it truth is....

...the truth of it is I don't need the rest of those yahoos to do the class project."

From Powers: Roleplay, Image Comics.

Hilarious to me since I am currently - and just got through thinking about - doing a class project.


What I Think Theatre Should Be About

(5 min writing exercise during a class this past monday)

Truth. . . or the apparent lack thereof. Something that happens in the actual realm of reality wherein any good physicist realizes we actually have no real concept of the bounds of possiblity.

I think it should be about earth.
And Dirt.
And all the stuff Joni Jones said people only think Us is.
And the rest of the stuff in school.
And everything that isn't.


Friday, October 08, 2010

So, this high-schooly/college-ish girl

next to me on the boat took her saddle-colored oxford off to be re-stringed.

And either it, her lapiz socked tootsie or BOTH

are kickin it rather corny.

I really world like to enjoy my kati roll.

But I'd also like to taste it without the added flavor.

Oh! It's back on!

So, carry on.

(Iss on)

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

How I do wish I could just sit here and read this manga, and not think anymore about projects/assignments/whatever.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Within the past hour,

I have wondered if acting should exist for me as a form of exercise; choose something else as a vocation.

To have all this passion, yet nothing I feel passionately about to want to do seems strange.


I wonder why I wasn't born in one of this places where I'd be too busy just trying to survive for any of this to matter.

Or, maybe, the challenge for me is to decide to go.

I really don't want to hear any more about my potential.
Not because of embarrassment or guilt;
it just doesn't help me use it.

I know my potential.
I know people glow when I pass them.
I know I am the walking endowment of the singularity called the Big Bang,
I know I contain the explosion that created the universe.

I am beginning to try to own what I can bring,
still wondering,
what to do with it,

(before it's too late?)

“Your task is not to seek for love,

 but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
--Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Left wrist.

Weird, hollow? Feeling?

Perhaps from sleeping on it.

Not pain.


Had first actor reaming in a long time in class today.

Just woke up feelng like I was in trouble, had done something wrong, was supposed to have done something.

Don't know if it's related.

I am determined to not be an asshole to get a point across in teaching acting/anything, that performing passion is not necessary to talk about and is often less constructive and wholly not respectful.

In the must earn respect and TRUST before using emotional manipulation/stimulation.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

me, the K10 and all the bucolic that Pepsi, SUNY and Purchase can muster.

ok. maybe not all.

I have no idea what bucolic is.


I just realized my helmet

has been sitting in the corner for over a year now unused.

it may be very material/consumptionist/earthly, but I still really want a motorbike.

I was asked today

where I get my energy from.

As in, who in family.

You know what?

I don't exactly know.


The sense comes from mother's.

I think the urge toward loquacity/to perform from father's.

His are preachers.

Hers are comedians.

in my little bit of estimation, anyway.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Portrait of Tracy

I guess it figures that the only S.W.V. song that I'll ever admit to REALLY liking would be 90-98% due to the (large) interpolated element of an experimental jazz song from 1976.

Or may be it doesn't.


Monday, September 20, 2010


First class since grad school.

6 years.

First first day of school-ish.

I shld prolly go before I'm late.


Thursday, September 16, 2010



At some point,

I'm going to figure out that self conscious is something to not be while on set.

It also not the best place to have a bad day on the bike.

Stop being scared, oh yeah of little selfbelief.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Why are politicians paid?

Doesn't it create a conflict of interest of some sort that people be paid to represent when they are themselves part of the public they're meant to serve?

Paid to serve themselves.

Shouldn't there by a heavily defined demarkation between politicians ans representatives?

"the individual has no right to live

.unto himself."

"The bond of the slave

Is snapped at the moment he considers himself a free being."


"This body does not belong to us.

It belongs to your children and those a thousand years unborn. You are preparing the world for another tomorrow, even if you die here today."


Monday, September 06, 2010

The Tempest is a comedy?

The firdt rom-com?


I was all ready to aud for it. Then I watched it.

Caliban? I dunno...

Maybe it'll get interesting to me before Friday.

Sunday, September 05, 2010


I was a counselor/CO at facility for wayward youth.


Toughlove, whathaveyou.

Was working with kid with obvious deferred development.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


I am in one of "those" moods.

Despite my intent to go do some menial work to avoid it...

Which I haven't because I haven't gotten what I applied for and didn't take what I knew would be there (because flyers are USELESS).

I did also fully intend to do something creative with the camera - set up date with model even - but "thing" came up for her... So...

I've been in this room for 6 years. Gasp. Gasp and egad.

(Insert sigh)

I suppose I've come fully out of my vacation from theatre. There's a theory about approaching a role that I'd like to test...

Watched The Tempest last night. Not so certain I want to go in for it now. Maybe.

At times I wonder if I should go find some ambitious, Type A-types to tie myself too.

(See what I did there? Nice.)


This has been one of those posts.


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Thought while watching the Tempest on Netflix:

If there is the NFL

and NBA


and Target

and Quiznos,

why isn't there a national for-profit league of theaters who produce their own pieces and have a season of going to each others houses putting up double bills or weekend two-fer one specials ending in a season playoff where audience members choose their favorite pieces? Once chosen, there could be a week long post-season festival of best-ofs and experimentals concluding with an all-star gala production featuring the most able people in the various capacities chosen from all of the league's member houses.

Or has that been done already?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Yessaday's checklist

Decide to go into the city and try to get into EPA at, like, 3p?


Get rekkanized by chile from weekend callback that went un-fortunately?


Make strong choices and carry them out, have work referred to as "strong", get auditor to consider casting decision they didn't expect to?


Follow 'locked woman-carrying-future-on-her-right-hip with bounteous "base of operations" demurely wrapped in full-length brown/yellow/orange print for half block just 'cuz they was looking all "Queen Walking with Princess, NYC c. 2010" and I SO dug what was I was seeing?


Walk all the way from 46th to South Ferry with minimal stops like it wudn't nothin?


Get home and sleep half-way normal-like?

check. (more/less)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


jack = male
jenny = female



and, I guess, jennyass?

yes. jennyass is the new jawn.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I went for a drive yesterday, part of it was in the LI village of Brightwater....well-to-do type place with its own inlet from the sound for the docking of boats and such.

I just realized that I had a today about having to escape a similar neighborhood. I was actually in people's houses, though. I'd parked my car (my maroon '99 Galant) in this place I was, apparently, not supposed to be. I was trying to work my way back to it without getting caught.

I keep having dreams about having to escape some place.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Upset with self for

Failing to fully seize moment at audition.



Good news/bad news

Driving a manual has proven as much - well, more, really satisfying than I anticipated. You know how you just really want to do something? When it goes well, it's quite gratifying. When it doesn't go well, you say, "ok, I need to concentrate". The less I blame the car and the less I fight the car (ohhh...THAT'S what synchros are for*).


The urge to go driving tends to burn gasoline (+money) and conflict with my crunchy/miser/conservo-nerd image.

*see, when you try to shift and the transmission doesn't seem to want to go into the gear you've chosen despite the clutch being fully out, that's the synchros saying "er...engine speed and your current choice of gear are not as compatible as you seem to believe. Try again. Think 'higher'".

Monday, August 16, 2010

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Why, yes.

Yes, I did have a dream I was filling in for Pres. O. in the O office last night.
Now experienced in breaking women's AND men's hearts!

I've gotten some little things, but I'd just love to know what I'm supposed to learn from this...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Artist =

"one who expresses."

professional artist = "one loans their ability to express to those are not so able/inclined"

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

SEB, 4.5 yrs later, first day of school.

be strong. but never be too strong to be honest.

welcome to the world, Lil' Big Bruh.

be great.


Sunday, August 08, 2010

Friday, July 30, 2010

" he may got donkey d__k but I dig deeper (into your duodenum?) cuz I do
it from the diaphragm"

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Mike Tyson on Competing Dogma

"You know, people say, "My god is better than your god." But how do we prove whose god is better? And this is when it gets really interesting. This is how we prove whose god is better than whose: [by saying,] "I'm going to kill you, or you're going to kill me first." And that's real godly. That's real godly. Yeah. I bet you people think, I wonder who would win a fight with the Prophet Mohammad and Jesus? These are sick people. This is crazy, you know what I mean?"

Read more:

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Yet another reason why I should not be allowed 24 hr internet access

at least not with a PayPal account.

today's wacky dream

on a cruise ship with somebody.

suddenly, all boat staff (predominately female as it was) in underwear.

a skinny version of onE of my grad school mates pulled a cameo At the end.


While, after 30 mins,

The film has gotten much mored interesting,

I's hongry.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Currently at the 10:20 showing...

...of a film.

At 10:35, I'm still waiting for the film to begin.

Previews should be burned alive.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Dag. I, like, JUST remembered to take off my makeup. Not that I had much left after milling abt in the tropics last nite.

In conclusion

Got kinda fun towards end. Bike messengers showed love. I'm looking forward to going back.

Yes, it is me and I managed to say somethng positive.

No, I haven't been drinking.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Tornado watch!

So, after my lackluster closeup event, we get to hang out in the trailers during the possible high winds coming.

A trailer. Exactly where one should not be in such a cliamctic event.


Just finished my big scene. At some point remind me to figure out whether I'm thinking too hard or not enough.

Gonna chill out in the honeywagon until we do whatever it is we have to do next.

''Hurry up'' portion finished,

And now we wait.

J G-L goes by "Joe". I can dig that. We spoke, but I don't know how much we'll be interacting in the scene. He's actually dealing with his love interest while I'm talking to a crowd. AND we're shooting it that way.

Tricky. Guess that's why they wanted The Acting Monster.

Beware the hammy, overacting Beast.


So, I'm on the set of a "major" "motion" "picture" today, scene with the star.

I guess I'll try to do some liveblogging. When I'm not knowing my fingernails off, that is.

Or reading graphic novels.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

For the first time in my experience...

the Hudson Bay smelled like a paper mill. Perhaps it was just the boat.

Either way - ew.

Other fun from today:

 I have officially decided that I do NOT want to be that guy at the last-minute cattle-called casting that is complaining about having "talked his way" off of a paying shoot to come to this because "I thought I'd be in and out" who thinks he's making it better by saying, "but I know you guys have been here longer".

(yeah, some chick was like that at a casting I went to today. boo)

Saw the worst tranny job ever today. I really don't understand what makes these cats think that balloons hovering around one's outer hip looks real. Maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe that person had just stuffed some balloons into (his/her) pants. Hopefully. Most plastic surgery is of the devil.

Found a ramen place at 14th and 1st. Saw a dish for, like, $13. That must be POWERFUL good ramen.

I probably should have said something deep, personal and important, but that's what your candy @$$e$ get.


Or I guess that what I get since it's my blog.

I really used to know how to do this.

stupid facebook.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010


I think I may have decided to learn to swim.


I decided to go a week without any bread (to go with my ongoing
avoidance of cheese). I already had to start over once.

This morning, I had a dream that I gave up and ate a slice of pizza
after, last night, mistakenly eating two ice milk bars (ALWAYS look first).

The devil is a liar.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I have just been completely distracted by merging my contacts on a phone
I keep telling myself I'm going to sell.

Shouldn't I be doing something constructive right now?

Like pushups?

Or trying to not be poor?


(goes back to merging)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Male tarantulas live to about 8 yrs,

only a few months after they reach sexual maturyity.

Females live 20-30.


Had my first coughing fit due to a "tickle in throat" today.

**while waiting to go in to audition**

Bad enough to cause convulsions.

That sucked.

No idea of cause.

Welcome (back) to NY.

south Asian man on street:

I don't prefer the women which are flat.

(or something like that)

I think I miss

NerdBoy and the maternal G.O.A.T. unit.

strange, weird stuff with Sr. (again).

more on all that after I spend to QT with these sides.



Sunday, May 30, 2010

''Here's the maintenance I had this week...

I had a facial, a body wrap, botox....''

(heard from coming from seat 6C on flite 5080 to Atl.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

'' 'Artist'...

is a word that floats around in your head, but there's a point at which you have to come out of the closet and say, 'That's what I intend to be,' and saying that rules out a lot of what you might have done in your life.''

          Liviu Ciulei

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Mad shouts out to shawty werkin' gate D31 in ATL rocking the fly chappeau and making work with the uniform and corporate guidelines.
The captain for my 9:55 flight to monroe, la HAS NOT ARRIVED YET. (insert incredulity)

Do trees grow up

because it's easier

or because it's harder?

Neh'mine.......they grow both ways.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Why the

!@$@ does this @$%! happen at exactly the same time every 2#$#@ year?

At least I @#$%@% consistent in being full of @$%.


Friday, May 14, 2010


While reading about the Mardi Gras, the subject of mixed-icism came up - quadroon, octoroon and such. It's nothing I wasn't previously familiar with, but I've come to understand that such deliniations a based in the Frenchie experience and worked their way up into the rest of the cultural consciousness.

So, with my understanding of the concept, I thought I was considered a quadroon -  white Euro grandparent, the rest* Afro-brown.

However the reading referred to having one person of African descent and the other European, thus I began to wonder about the previous classification.

Ergo, I hit up the Mom-Unit and received this:

"you are 1/4 caucasian and 3/4 African to my knowledge ???? but of course I'm sure my white father's parents were both white and their parents both white --- so -- maybe so."

I've known of my mother's mixed-oscity for some time now and thus mine, but growing up, it was never discussed as such. She was just Black. Even recently when we've talked about it, we just discussed her "biological father", not saying avoiding him, but never saying she's mixed.

She came to see me when I did Yellowman in St. Louis, and I know it was discussed, but I can't remember ever saying "your father is white", though we certainly knew that was the case.

What she's never done, though, is referred to ME as being part Blanco.

It was weird to see that.

"you are 1/4 Caucasian."

You're never too old for them to surprise, one s'poses....

*I actually don't think my paternal grandfather is of purely African ancestry. His brown was a little light; his nose a little profound to the front rather than to the sides.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

the lowly creative's prayer

Dear, heavenly father, I apologize for all the evil I, as the Acting Monster, have visited upon productions past. I will try to better control the theatrical beast that lives inside me. This I do unconditionally...

However, if you might see fit, I was wondering if you could maybe, like, you know... possibly make these actors a little less completely frackin' insane out the $%%!hole so we can finish this week, this run without any acting casualties.

Signed w/love,

the AD'ing Monster

Monday, May 03, 2010

My father just

referred to himself by his first name on a voice message.

"Hey...this is ______."

Partly weird since we have the same given name.


Monday, April 26, 2010

Good filter stuff

blahblah (this page explaining lens filters) blahblah

Watching "Art Wolfe's Travels to the Edge"

While talking about a goose family, he just said:

"...8 little gosslings, that probably hatched in the past couple weeks."

Gosh. It must be wonderful to be disconnected from popular culture to be
able to let that escape your oral cavity.

No. Really.

Music choice

, apparently, doesn't know the difference between "zydeco" and "blues".

Install Android on Your iPhone 2G


Shout out to the lady that I told wasn't your typical Apple drank sipper.

I knew I was lying 1.5 blinks after I said it. Bad me.

Me: "Macs get fewer viruses because their not targeted like Windows"

Her: (nodding look down) "Well, that's part of it..."

Me: (inside brain) "uh-oh...hehhehheh"

Although, she did admit the iPhone is not the most technically amazing device in the world....then she went on to extol the virtues of how it magically goes from answering music to answering a call and the the mic on the earbud cord.

Yes. The mic. In the cord.


Mmm. Kool-Aid.


Remind me to make fun of Glynn Turman

next time I see him for Penetentiary II.

Not because of anything he did,

just 'cuz.

I would say E. Hudson, too, but he was a pretty legitimate bad mutha@Q!@%^!.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tonight's edition of chicken soup

smells like it's going well.

Deliberate attempt to not overload the pot this time.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Too good for Facebook

"Dear agent, casting person, young ad "creative"(etc.)
While I may very well be funny, I'm not Will Arnett, the Apple ad guys, or whomever else it is you think is cute now that somebody showed you on their MacBook. Call somebody else - preferably THEM."

Now, when you want somebody to sell your acoutrements du conspicuous consumption, gimme a holler. I'll be asleep at a rehearsal in Harlem.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Workaround

Attempted my first pregnant-belly hug in memory last night. I attempted to hug around the bundle, so as not to damage the bundle, but was pulled into the bundle.

Which, strangely, worked.

Then it's additionally strange to hug an attractive bundle-bearer, 'cuz it's like, "you're still attractive - I think I feel weird about having naughty thoughts about you in your current state of bundledom".

Then there's the completely juvenile and unavoidable* thought: "hee hee. I know what you did to get that".

Bundles are like nature's way of confronting our acquired prudish sensibility with the factuality of sex**.

*for juveniles, anyway

**feel free to laugh at how deep-telligent I obviously think this sounds

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Nappy Sun Day

you ever wonder if Jesus brushed his teeth and washed his face on the way out the tomb?



"woo. got a little crook in my back from that thing. point made, I guess, so....."


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Public act of excretion #.....

Cadman Plaza.
Across from TD Bank.

Individual casually leaning, body toward fence.

('wait, was this his')

Arching stream of liquid from individual's "area".

(sometimes hates being so trivially observant)
I think I may be the creative part of my mother that she never realized.

One of my failings, I think...has been to compartmentalize creativity,

to not view it for what it is an explore it in macro; examine it in macro, that I might understand how to utilize it universally,

thereby being inspired in the path to investigate it in micro.


Monday, February 22, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

''Right now I can't seem to commit to one truth.''
Big O

Sunday, January 24, 2010

It must be a horrible thing to want to be a super hero,

only to find out you are remarkably ill/un-equiped.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Interpretation is inherent in exprience - you can't exprerience without interpreting. Performance is the substance of interpretation. Acting is physicalized interpretation

Monday, January 18, 2010


smurf-ette smallperson in laundry room
staring at me (as I put unmentionables in the machine)

I'm trying to toss my stuff in fast,
(as though hurrying would keep her from seeing my dirty drawz);
{and her mom was right THERE}

but all she did was
happyjoy dance
to the music of commericial washers and driers,
that LOUD-ass fan,
whatever she had bouncing around her synapses

easy and matter-of-fact as
water is wet
and God is.


yeah. i can see that.

Monday, January 11, 2010

In the shower I considered

that the most desperate thing you can do is to want time back,

since it impossible to regain something that you can neither give nor receive.

That said,

I desperately wish I could have ( at least ) the past 10 years back.

!! This just in:

wishing is what happens when there is no real possibility;

hope is what you have when there is a chance;

pray is what you do when you don't know which of the previous applies.

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