Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Two hours ago I put the hen in the oven and put some water in the pitcher to filter for the beans.

If only I'd remembered to complete step two of the previous,

I might be happily munching on some hen and beans right now.

: /

Sunday, December 27, 2015

for further consideration later

...the urban can-do is in the mind,
   the rural can-do is in the body... NY can-do is in the mind,
   down-home can-do is in the body...

(permutations further)

Saturday, December 26, 2015

When you see that 20-something Euro woman dropping of the 50-something Afro woman and her teenage family member:


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The children next door are in the hallway.

They have been for the past hour.

They are playing.

They are alternately declaring themselves the "Bad Africa" or the "Nice Africa"*.

: |

Rain, rain, go away.

Come again after school comes back.


*(the oldest girl is named "Africa")


Thursday, December 17, 2015

There is no drenched quite like motorcycle drenched...

because motorcycle drenched drenches you in ways


it never occurred for you to be drenched before.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I just deposited a check for such a small amount the ATM couldn't recognize it.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

When you're sitting in the terminal and someone starts playing "Careless Whisper" on the French horn.

Sent from my Windows Phone

Monday, December 07, 2015

"That's what peace is, right? Postponing the conflict until the thing you were fighting over doesn't matter."

from DRIVE by James S. A. Corey
We want people

to be perfect





"I will."

When one considers the definition of the verb,

The sentence seems far more active and affirmatively declarative than it
seems to generally be connoted.

"I will."

Perhaps it is due to the absence of an assumed object.

"I will it."


I've been meaning to do a project like this.

Eyes, hands, feet.

maybe one day I'll get around to it.

If only I could read the page...

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Dear Child Named "Purity",

Please return to your African mother before the rest of us get in trouble.

Everybody Else in the Store    

Friday, December 04, 2015

"Everything's a f#cking pain in the ass. That's part of livin in New York."

Later, after much more picturesque, vulgar imagery and the phrase "grease my asshole",

(to the lady next to him)


Dude on the bus complaining about life here in.....

The electricity

of reading a thing; and the sense of having an idea that might work for it.

Saturday, November 28, 2015


Today, just now, I played a djembe in my home for the first time.

Not the place where I sleep, but my home. The place I grew up in.

I played. And heard my father walk in. And he sat down with my back to him,

and said nothing.

And I worked my way. And he watched me find a rhythm.

And sat and said nothing.

And I began to sweat, and I began to commune,

And he laid down and closed his eyes and said nothing.

And I removed the muffle and found all the notes of the drum and found myself able to make Lati Oja* sing,

And he lay with his feet up,
on a love seat at least as old as me,

and he closed his eyes and communed and said nothing

And I heard a foot patting, and it helped me in rhythm,
and I beat harder,
and patting,
and I thought it might be clapping,
and it became stomping,
and I thought it might be him
but my sister had come into the room.

And she began dancing the dances,

(and it may have seemed in jest,

even so - there is always some Truth in jest,

and feet dancing in spirit always step true)

And I played with right eye closed
to keep the collected sweat resting
precariously on that eyelash that
my hands were too involved to brush.

And we communed.

And she left.

And I got up and looked at him, peaceful.

And I walked upstairs,

And I began to type,

so I wouldn't forget..

the first time

he and I

had ever.


(*Lati Oja is the drum)

Thursday, November 26, 2015

The moment when, while stopped in Salem, VA,

you notice the Muslim woman playing with children next an RV..

And notice somebody praying in front of it, obscured from the view of the street.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Goings & Comings


that glorious moment...


after a Iifetime of stabbing attempts long ago left behind...

you get an inkling...

and realize!!


that you finally figure out how to yo-yo.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

"This is a war for the soul of Islam."

 - Bernie Sanders

Monday, November 16, 2015


Forgive me for any repetition...

But I have officially reached the point in my life where I don't know what to do. Had I been born ten or fifteen years later, I might still have some fight left.

As it stands, I simply have no idea what to suggest to address, nor reasons why people decide that wanton violence will achieve their aims.

Or maybe it's just too close right now.

My point of view on "terrorism" has been that if you get all these people willing to commit suicide in order to strike out at seemingly larger groups political and economic power, they would suddenly stop being so willing to strap on explosives with dead man's triggers...

And I imagine, if I take enough deep breaths, I would say the same about whoever is involved in these most recent attacks...

But there's something about it that seems too burdensome to ponder. Much like 9/11, I am avoiding news sources because I assume I am going to hear more about it.

And hear more about all of the ridiculous posturing that will take place in its name that really has nothing to do with it.

I will begin to think that the political prattling is all show, subterfuge and manipulation,

but I then start thinking that maybe the people responsible for the deceit actually believe it...and I can't tell which prospect is more dire.

But I have reached that point in my life where I realize why my parent's generation tended to not feel like dealing with it when I was younger,

because I just don't feel like dealing with it now.

Remind me to say something later about the lingering effects of global colonialism and the difference between Buddhist immolation and radical middle eastern self-detonation.


Puddles Pity Party - Viva La Vida (Coldplay cover)

Puddles the Sad Clown continues to bring clarity and depth to pop music.

I pray he never gets popular so I can keep liking him.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015


A couple weeks ago I turned down an audition because the character seemed....stereotypical,

and a job because it was below rate,

and I just emailed my manager that I'm not interested in doing a soft drink commercial and included why.

I should probably find a new job.

Is there something I can do where I get paid to be self-righteous?


MSNBCFauxNews here I come.

Saturday, November 07, 2015


"I'm not doing (the Austin Half Marathon)...

I was going to do it, and then I went to a bunch of doctors who basically called me the medical equivalent of a f*cking idiot."


Wednesday, November 04, 2015

"Please quit if you:

1. have no ideas
2. always rely on others
3. shirk responsibility
4. lack enthusiasm"

from a sign at Studio Ghibli

courtesy The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Shigeto - Relentless Drag (Mike Slott Remix)

I'm watching the cartoon series adaptation of "Guardians of the Galaxy" and a background character just said "stakes is high".

Sometimes its fun to be old and notice stuff.

Sunday, October 25, 2015


I was just browsing and noticed a story on law school debt and wondered:

perhaps the answer to education expense is for students to seek experience  (internship/work)  instead of classes while universities become strictly research/archivist in nature.

Someone interested in a field could investigate information about careers, but their most direct education about them would be via experience. As they gained experience, the additional knowledge they would find out they need for a given position they could search for themselves at a college/university/library.

Universities cook of then concentrate on new research rather than mass education which is largely ineffective as vocational training.

Teachers in this environment would exist mostly to convey learning/research skills (rather than teaching how to pass tests).

Professors & research assistants would basically only be available to those already actively involved in a field or on a research track. The student would then be responsible only for the amount of the resources they used with a standard, perhaps monthly fee for gent real access to facilities (in this case mostly libraries).

Degrees are reserved strictly for those on research tracks.

For the practical/vocational student, the "diploma" is a robust and dynamic résumé.

The student body diversifies and continued education becomes the norm instead of a conference of unemployment.

Pure hypothesis, mind you.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

"Our imagination makes small things enough to fulfill us and makes big things small so they are more like us."

From "Limit Cycle"

•Genius Party

Thursday, October 22, 2015

I'm fairly certain I've never seen this many white people on a city bus.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Today on the train

I saw a young East Asian woman  in profile and wished I could have the image in silhouette.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Oh, that glorious moment..

when you realize -

20+ years later -

that Phife is saying:

"I say goodbye to El Segundo and push it along",

(instead of whatever logically garbled mess you thought it was)


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


For some reason, the children next door keep sing-yelling,


Everything the big one says, the little repeats.

it is not a delicious torture.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Monday, October 05, 2015


I've stated a few times that I had an entry to make.

I usually don't end up making those entries....bad about that.

And I'm saying it again.

From about 2012 (Trayvon Martin),

to today (Eric, Michael, Sandra, Freddy, cops in BK, cop in Houston, RV
crew in VA, students in OR),

I probably have a great deal to pontificate on.

The only thing is...I've sort of lost the will.

I've somehow missed my passing out of the the warrior phase to the
protector, nester phase.

The only problem is that I've no nest, nothing to protect,

not at hand, anyway.

I think I understand now how my mother didn't have the same reaction to
injustice, "radical" point of view I might have when younger. You get to
an age and those hormones shift get to where you're just
trying to keep what you have safe.

So, I guess, there's a problem...or conflict...when you don't have
anything to protect, nothing built-up, saved...

And all the past warnings about "do it now while you still have time"
begin to become clearer and clearer as you vision becomes the opposite.

( :-P )

So, as I said, there seems like there's a lot that I haven't said
anything about, that I probably should.

Maybe I still have time to get around to it.


everything that I have ever not been able to understand should be
translated into robots.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

"Science is the philosophy of discovery. Intelligent design is the
philosophy of ignorance."

N. DeGrasse-Tyson

Thursday, September 03, 2015

I was, in fact, just passed by a man in a banana hammock and a sleeveless running shirt on Lex between 81st & 82nd.

Welcome to NYC.

Wednesday, September 02, 2015


There is apparently a porn star who took the name "Aaliyah Love".

That bothers me.


Perhaps I'm wrong and she was named Aaliyah at birth.

Still bothers me.

I am currently watching Dave Chapelle's Block Party and feeling a way I absolutely never thought I would:

nostalgic for the mid-00s.

I realized later that I saw people waiting for the bus to this show and am pretty sure I got an email about a possible show...but I diametrically opposed to doing things in large groups...and kind of a chicken about asking questions.

So no live taping of the block party for me.

I probably couldn't have remained standing for that long anyway.

Well, I couldn't do it NOW. Maybe then.

De La @ Summerstage was probably the last time I was really engaged at a concert.

Ok. That may be wrong, too.


Tuesday, September 01, 2015

"Today has been cancelled."

From a tshirt on a man on the train.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

I am very close to going next door and offering the toddler singing the
same song repeatedly and repeatedly off-key a sedative.

this is why I hate musicals.

"But otherwise"

"But however"

"(most sentences starting with the 'but')"

These are all things I wish would disappear from English writing.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

"If a mule die buy another one...

"Kill a nigger, hire another one."

From "The Life of Riley"

Thursday, August 20, 2015


In 2013, Netflix became the death of me. Quite literally, I hurt myself
binge watching...spent a few too many hours resting on my elbow in say nothing of the time I feel asleep in the position for 6-7

I have now purchased a Roku.

I feel a familiar feeling coming over me....

Monday, August 17, 2015

I just bit into a slice of tomato,

and it was sweet and wet like watermelon.

I want tomato to be like that from now on...

...unless I'm just really hot.
"Consciousness can only bring us suffering."

Beatrice - Humans

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Presenting: My Uncle...The G.o.A.T.

We are entertaining the residents at a Nursing Home in Michigan. We do 5 or 6 one hour shows per week to help the Seniors.

Posted by Carl Walker on Sunday, August 16, 2015
I wonder what it means that I find Clone Wars metaphorical and indicative of the
whole of Lucas' work.

Plastic & lacking nuance.

Interesting that he's made so much money selling figurines.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

I wonder if anyone has yet commented on the likelihood that Mennen would
ever be using two former-football players of color who who are not
widely known for their athletic careers.
"The physical stuff is the easy part.

The hard part is loving somebody with your heart."

Jack Brown in The Toy

Saturday, August 08, 2015

the wrap

Oh, that glorious, glorious moment when you gain personal experience in
what can happen when your long lace become undone.

Thank God for low-speed oopsies.

I need to go ahead and decide on some new boots.

Feel free to contribute :-P

Wednesday, August 05, 2015


There is no such thing as "seafood gumbo",

or "chicken gumbo",

or "beef gumbo".

There is merely gumbo.

All is gumbo that is proper gumbo is gumbo.

A gumbo that isn't gumbo is, simply, not gumbo.

Friday, July 31, 2015


Remember that time the man at the fruit smoothie cart told it would be better if you cut your hair because it's hot and when you wash it, it would be dry in a couple minutes like his?


Monday, July 27, 2015

Bobby Crimmins

Before you can hate, you have to hate yourself first. Before you can
love, you have to love yourself first.


Sunday, July 26, 2015


Heretofore, I have refrained from mentioning that I own a motorcycle.

In fact, I've often thought that I should be including the many lessons learned participating in the martial art, religious system and personal choice that is motorcycle ownership.

Some people have children, some people have pets. Others kick their children out and send the pets with them so they can have a motorcycle.

Motorcycles win. Period.

I've had the 1996 GS500E that I call Pokey for nearly 3 years now. He was purchased with a friend without whom, I probably wouldn't have gotten him.

I often personify him.

He teaches me new things, reminds me of things I already knew shows me things I should know better than. When I do right, he does right. When I do wrong, he lets me know it. He is usually forgiving.

(thought not always)

Motorcycling, perhaps even more so than bicycling, requires vigilance. You don't just ride defensively, you ride in aggressive defensiveness. On my best days, I am relaxed but acutely focused and, most importantly, actively communicating with other drivers. I do the same thing on the bicycle on my good days. It helps keep one safe and engenders a better relationship with cagers. It gets a bit like directing traffic...or conducting.

Due to some maintenance......and by maintenance I mean messing up some maintenance, Pokey had been down from November to June. It took me some time to get him all the way back up and running, so I've only really been back to riding for a few weeks to a month. As of last November, I'd really begun to get comfortable riding - even using the bike to do some courier work.

(want to really learn how to ride a motorcycle? fight NYC cabs with it.)

As comfortable as I'd gotten with it, I was surprised how rusty I've felt after the 8 month layoff. It's coming back. But it's not there yet.

On the bike, one of the thing big worries (annoyances, fears) is people not respecting your space/right to the lane.

When I'm comfortable, I anticipate people encroaching and will politely let them know to give space or direct them to take a spot that I'm comfortable with.

I'm not comfortable.

Therefore, I've been being angry and indignant instead of prescient and proactive.

Today, after going on a mind-clearing ride (during which I allowed myself to get caught up in a bit of a pissing contest with a driver), I was two turns away from home.

The first was a left from a stop sign and the second was a right turn at a traffic light.

I signalled  and made the left turn, pulling up to wait to make the right turn. While coming to a stop, I noticed the driver across the intersection from me didn't have her lights on. This is a strangely common occurrence in this area and I have an entire hypothesis about how the trend of designing instrument lights to always be illuminated leads to headlights not being turned when it's a dark...


uh. anyway...

I'm trying to get her attention. She isn't understanding my signal, so I'm trying to think I of how I can get her to understand her lights are off. Just then, a car pulls up next to me with it's turn signal on. This would have been somewhat acceptable had I not had my signal on to turn as well. When the light changed, he proceeded forward to turn. I looked over and indignantly honked and pulled around him to make my right turn. I got around him, then pulled into my parking lot.

As I pulled up to the garage, incredulous at the audacity of the driver, I realized why the driver made that decision: I had my LEFT turn signal on at the intersection.

Motorcycles, typically, don't have self-cancelling signals.

So, the left signal was still on from the turn at the stop sign.

And instantly felt like shite.

And still kind of feel like shite.

See, the thing is...that wasn't even the first time today I mis-indicated...

Or made several other mistakes.

Mistakes are something that comes with the bike. You can tell when you're having a bad day...if you accept it, you can overcome it. However, there are days where you know you need to just go home and come back out another day.

But this feels different, persistent.

Meaning: I am persistently uncomfortable, tense...focused too much on what is wrong with people instead of concentrating on the ride.

I was bad today, so I've decided to put myself on punishment.

No motorcycle for three days so I can think I about my behavior.

(insert final, self-reflective observation)

Tuesday, July 21, 2015


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Sunday, June 21, 2015

Ruminations on Timid Deer Ln.

While riding through a wealthy neighborhood tonight, I saw a doe and young buck with 4 velvety points.

This isn't unique in Staten Island, really. It was unique in that they were so close to houses...I'm suspicious they are being fed...

I turned around to make sure of what I'd seen/chance a second look. They seem used to being there because they were still there and had placed themselves in a bit of a corner. I shined my headlight directly in them. I moved a little closer, at which point I saw the right hind leg of the buck move in anticipation - I may have also revved to see if they would scatter, they didn't. At any rate, I took the motion to be anxious, didn't want to antagonize, also didn't want to get hit on the dimly lit, curving street. I ride away. Happy.

Now at home, I think about where I saw them. I wish the people in and near the projects had a wooded area where they might see young deer couple at night in early summer...instead if a Home Depot.

Everything that is natural and beautiful is kept to the folk with money. Beauty is a key part if humanity. There is less and less beautiful that po folk get to claim....thus are po folk convinced everything about them is ugly.

Cognitive dissonance: they learn to love ugly things...

Or maybe they just learn not to love. 

One wonders which is worse.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

what i think you should be seeing right now:

is Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing a dais interview in a smart black pantsuit,
white lace blouse and matching white lace gloves.

Graphic Enthusiam

So the New Dorp Library has a pretty nice graphic novel section.

Yes, that is hand drawn.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Currently on the boat

Sneaking a stare at a (mother?) with Bantu knots and the little boy she's with.

He's not really little, but has that squirminess belying having attained less than a decade of age.

She just took a selfie with him, beaming while he finished working on the (homework?) she was helping with. He: looking at paper, leaning on her bosom.

I can tell he will be tall with full, full face, lips & flared nose.

He looks as though he'd been hewn from Mahogany...

Or that he should be iterated by Kehinde Wiley in bronze.

and he ain't got no front teephus :)

I believe

I am past the point of mature, considered patience.

I simply don't have the energy to care anymore.

I now understand the escapist tendency of common folks.

Just give me somewhere to go where everyone looks, sounds, acts like me,
and I'll go.

humanity is done.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Dangling carrots...

That moment when you get a message via Actors Access =-O

that you have been removed from an appointment for NBC Diversity Casting :-(

that you didn't even know you had :-?

Thursday, June 04, 2015

And then that was that time,

like, and hour ago,

when you went for a walk at 2:30 in the morning and that lady stopped
you by Jersey St. and told you there was a guy looking at her from
across the street with no pants on masturbating...

And on the way back you stopped and saw the shadow move again and yelled
to him to go inside before a cop came by and you saw when and told them...

and on the way inside you saw your reflection and thought "this is the
face of somebody that strange women stop on the street in the middle of
the night and ask for help."

you remember that?

The Trade

I've just formed a hypothesis that Brits take so naturally to acting
partially due to practicing it from youth the way and with the frequency
that American youth are encouraged to practice sports.

It might seem strange that the culture that gave birth to Hollywood
wouldn't encourage it..until you realize how little Hollywood has to do
with practice.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

empathy day

One wonders if there is supposed to be a day when all "minorities" treat all other "minorities" with formal respect instead terms of endearment because one would think I/they/we should know how it feel/s.


c w j

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

relief is that moment when you make a decision,

and you can finally close all those browser tabs...

Saturday, May 16, 2015


...when the afro-Indio baby and the guessing Korean ( from assumed-mommy's newspaper ) realize that they  are the only two people on the train that speak their language.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

loss and imagination

after returning from The Home State and while passing out for several hours,

I dreamed I was driving the old metallic grey 89 Camry near the Flatiron Bldg.

There was some delay up ahead and I got out to see what it was.

When I returned the car was gone.

Distraught, I went looking for it. The surroundings got far more suburban and I somehow was no longer wearing pants...or maybe I wasn't to begin with.


Sunday, April 05, 2015

Friday, April 03, 2015

Positive Reinforcement

Sometimes, when you're on the PATH and you voluntarily move so middle-aged couple can sit together, someone who doesn't look like you will wink and give you the wink/OK sign in approval.

Monday, March 23, 2015

"peace is the absence of confusion"

From a rap song you probably never heard because you just like the beats you don't listen to lyrics even though you knew The Chronic by heart in high school know all of them.

Friday, March 13, 2015

I am confused

as to why one would walk up calling you a "rasta" then proceed to ask if you want to buy a razor.

Monday, March 09, 2015

Teller: "I'm like my father - I don't really catch feelings like that."

"The best way to get over somebody is with somebody else."

Me & The Other Teller: (raised eyebrows)


c w j

Saturday, March 07, 2015


I just saw a box truck with the signed message on the rear:


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

the score

In the terminal:

There is a young male busker playing classical violin music

and a woman on the phone vociferously proclaiming her steadfastness in standing up to a purported aggressor.

I'm not sure which to fade underneath.

Monday, February 09, 2015

Fancy man

in a garment district building housing several fancy fashion companies enters restroom, relieves himself, checks/smooths hair in mirror, exists.

there is a glaring deficiency in the above list.

Tuesday, February 03, 2015


While taking taking the F train to RI,

Having been in my current ill mood about career and personal life,

set partly on by a question from a compatriot

and otherwise by the sound of a conductor's regionalism

(which I think started as appreciation for it before turning to a recent regretted performance),

I stepped off the train, in no rush.

Seeing a shut-down escalator up, I passed by an available stairway up heading toward a working escalator. I looked forward and began to scan for that same conductor leaning out of his window watching for boarding riders. I saw him, and had a thought that he might see me sashaying past the stairway and knowing that seemingly perfectly able-bodied person was forgoing it for the ease of the escalator, and even taking his time in doing that. I then thought about how much I wasn't bothered if he thought that, and was tickled by the thought of my casualness.

As I passed by him, he spoke and I paused and removed the headphones playing Crossings to understand him.

"Keep your head up, brother, it'll get better."

I assured him I was fine and moved on.

It is interesting that he took a moment of lift from depression as depression.

It is interesting that my melancholy may be so pervasive that it has colored even my light times with dourness.

...seems about right...

Off to work!


c w j

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I just walked by

a framing business where the only thing displayed in its windows were two large, un-framed paintings.


c w j


I just saw a young woman wearing an Apple Bottoms branded jacket.

Aside from her not having a particularly app-ular bottom, one wonders why an Apple Bottoms jacket, would need to exist.


Monday, January 26, 2015

Jack Daal

1) Look 'em in the eye & speak from the heart

2) you gotta go away to come back

3) if someone asks you to keep a secret, their secret is a lie

from "Louie"

the rest of it

If you are fortunate, you will have a day where you realize the decision to go back to bed and stay there as long as needed was the correct one.

And NOT th result of laziness.

The opposite, in fact...the intense need for rest is often earned by a significant outlay of energy.

And here,
all this time,

you thought you were lazy.

Don't let them tell you that.

Don't forget to get out of bed, either.


Wednesday, January 14, 2015

On the way to a seat on the bus,

I see a man tan of skin, dark of hair with a full beard but bare lip.

I think, "must be hard to be you right now."

When I sit, I notice what he his listening/watching on his phone:

"UCP Islamic Guidance"

I want to ask if it is saying anything interesting.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015


Sunny, sparse clouds, 27 degrees f.

The beauty in the beholders eye.

Monday, January 05, 2015


poor/working vs. middle/upper = status quo

poor/working + middle/upper vs wealthy minority = revolution




sacrifices for conciseness.



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