Particularly when lover done had her ass here 3 damn days straight.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Screener was, of course amazed that I've never been drunk or smoked.
One can only imagine her incredulity if she'd asked "number of partners".
I had no idea that oral sex is considered a low-risk HIV activity.
(well, lower at any rate)
Or that "pre-cum" is a valid term in these situations.
Dear, non-profit sex-safety orgs:
please, ease up on the condescension a bit - not everyone you talk to is stupid.
interesting experience, though.
Glad I went.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
despite the ethno-crunchy exterior,
I just turned down a marriage for citizenship proposal.
Which seems interesting considering I'm in need of further income for about a month now.
Though I suppose this goes along with my "I don't do anything for money" thing I've been working on.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I wonder if he knows where his shoes are.
Or whether HE'LL be wondering where in the morning.
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
There are days when I really think progressive.
There are days when I really think I may still change the world one day.
There are days when I really wonder if anybody'd notice I'm gone.
There are days when I really feel my body conceding.
There are days when I really feel stronger than ever.
There are days when it really feels like I can't remember anything.
There are days when it really seems like I'll never forget.
The earth spins; it rotates.
The solar system spins; it rotates.
The galaxy spins, rotates.
The cloud* spins as it rotates.
No matter the way you turn,
No matter how fast you run,
you are always coming and going.
So, if I let go - simply:
Root my Self in the Ground,
I will always be going;
I will always be coming.
(*the cosmic one)
Monday, November 28, 2011
just heard ''I don't know you, when you see me, don't speak to me'' escalate to water in face after 3 refrains retaliated to by pink grapefruit Simple across the back.
For future reference, throwing water in someone's face is, well... Is well wack.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thinking about it now, I believe it probably started while in school at least. I think I took flavor for granted growing up in The Boot State. I never even liked Tabasco until I had to deal with the comparatively bland campus food.
I bring this up...because I think I've lost that ability to savor...or am in a period of protracted separation from it.
And it feel like it's been since coming here to a place (geographically, metaphysically) that seems primarily to be about subsistence, survival. I eat the food I can get to. Even when I go to taste something, I feel like I'm wolfing it down, having to hurry up and finish it so it's consummation poses the least burden on my travel.
And things are hurried here.
At home/before here I had time to taste.
Perhaps I should make a purposed effort to be somewhere* where that time exists again.
Or maybe there must be balance to stimulate action?
(*Geo, though I can hear you already saying meta. You nerds)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
He is not the first of my family to die young.
He is not the first of my family to die in violence.
But this struck me....and it took, I think, a day for me to start to figure out why: he was the first family member that I've personally known from a succeeding generation to die.
You see, Brian is my second cousin - as much younger than me than I am my older brother. His mother (my first cousin), was born roughly the same time as my Aunt Gwen. The last time I saw him he at roughly the same point in his life that my first nephew is now. I remember them discussing Pokemon or some such 10 years ago when they were both at my apartment after my knee surgery.
They reminded me of each other in ways...both given to shyness....but perhaps not really much more than the way I see my nephew in just about anybody I look at and think of as young.
It took days, weeks even maybe, to discern the emotion I was having. I knew him and we spent some time together, but I was closer to his older sister. More then despair there was this anger rooted in the idea that he was young. Perhaps I should say that he's young to me - despite the fact that he was 25. Because the last time I saw him, he was 18. So I think that's how I'll always think of him...
And rooted in that anger - or what the anger was rooted in - was that I would never get to see the man he'd become/was becoming.
And in the more universal sense, it made me face in the way that none of us are comfortable with the prospect of our children dying and specifically for me my nephew. I'd known that it's hard to watch someone younger than you die; now I knew...KNOW what it feels like.
I suppose I should have put this up sooner than a month later, but it really did take me a while to be able to put into words how I felt about. Being lazy...I guess I was waiting for necessity to be the inventor.
(but was prolly just being my usual lazy self)
The inventor showed up when dealing with a bit of family discord. I'd been feeling a bit useless during the day before and of the funeral, not having/knowing anything to say to make it better, awkward in attempts at humor... Then some of that inevitable family discord showed up. And I just had to project my probiscus into it... the following was part of an attempt to quell it and in it I think I was finally able to express where I was or had been at for that past week:
I am Brian K. Lundy Jr.'s second cousin. I used to lived in Austin for four years, during which B and his family were my only family there - and for the first year the only people I knew there at all. I spent one summer with them. I helped teach Jos how to drive and helped B fix his bike. The three of us drove 500 miles to a family reunion where they met much of their extended family for the first time. He and I played ball (and won) against (people) hours before we had no idea we were related to. He helped me pull the interior of my car out. I helped him install a cd player in his first car.
I am one of the people who goes back and forth between anger and sadness that he's gone...
So. I don't know. Maybe that says something. Maybe it only made sense to say in that moment. Maybe the strangeness I feel now putting it here doesn't compare to the first time I sent it.
Maybe this is all really just me yacking about me...looking for the internet to pat me on the back for so deep and personal.
Or maybe it just a long-@ss way of saying death has a funny way of letting you know who you love.
Sometimes I miss My Gwen, but she never stops making me smile. That's why I still love her.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Shipping company left crap that I had to move in truck.
Tweaked back while lifting large mass of vinyl.
(see what bad posture on off days gets you)
Made fateful decision to take cab from Jerz back home thinking it's not far and got hit for $57 ride because driver didn't have ezpass.
Got home and remembered I had job to do city which is why I was supposed to go back to PATH instead of take cab.
Headed back toward city to do said job and realized phone was left on bed.
Saw NYPD, for first time in personal history, busting fake bag sellers near Broadway and cdn't document due to forgotten phone.
Chose to miss chance at 10:00 boat to take care of personal errand, 10:30 turned into 10:45, lost transfer.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
I'm sure there's some idea there I'm supposed to like, but I am adamantly against such unwarranted warbling or music that's so obviously an attempt to be "moving" and emotional.
Fake strings make me (blech!).
Monday, September 19, 2011
55 Austin Pl
Staten Island, NY 10304
Walk to Victory Bl - Austin Pl
|About 2 mins (0.1 mi)|
|Victory Bl - Austin Pl|
Bus towards ST GEORGE FERRY via VICTORY
|2:44am - 2:51am (7 mins, 8 stops)|
|St George Ferry - Ramp C Bay 4|
Walk to St. George Terminal Staten Island
|About 2 mins (9 mins to make transfer)|
|St. George Terminal Staten Island|
Staten Island Ferry
Ferry towards Whitehall Terminal Manhattan (South Ferry)
|3:00am - 3:25am (25 mins, 1 stop)|
|Whitehall Terminal Manhattan (South Ferry)|
Walk to Whitehall St
|About 3 mins (16 mins to make transfer)|
Subway towards To DITMARS BOULEVARD
|3:41am - 4:10am (29 mins, 16 stops)|
Subway towards To MAIN STREET FLUSHING
|4:11am - 4:24am (14 mins, 10 stops)|
Walk to Junction Blvd/Roosevelt Ave
|About 1 min (16 mins to make transfer)|
|Junction Blvd/Roosevelt Ave|
Bus towards Q72 - LaGuardia Airport - Central Terminal Building
|4:41am - 4:55am (14 mins, 3 stops)|
|LaGuardia Airport Main Terminal|
Walk to 100-15 Ditmars Blvd, New York, NY 11369
|About 1 min (161 ft)|
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Thursday, September 01, 2011
and finally cleaned underneath the bed and cleared away some clutter.
I'm pretty sure I can say now that I know the valleys are just ThePower's way of putting you in perspective,
but now I know that in the beginning of the bad stuff.
I figure I'll continue to get to know that better.
I love these posts where I doubt I'll even know what I'm talking about later.
(this happened back in, like early Sept. or something....still getting used to the "updated" blogger interface)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
graciously attentive women
currently working at the Subway
in Smyrna on Church near Country Inn & Suites
have done NOTHING to quell my Indian woman fetish.
Particularly the particularly curvaceous sandwich artist who made my sammich.
(and my day?)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
Of all the experiences had here then, the one that stuck out to me was the Atlas statue at Rockefeller Center. I seem to remember being interested in seeing the statuary, and that being my favorite.
Why that was, I don't know. Maybe because one could get closer to it that most of the other large and better known statues in the city. Maybe it was due to having seen it on a brochure.
On my way back from performing a duty of my current bit of survivalry, I passed by the statue. It doesn't seem quite as massive as it used to (of course), but something that I'd never thought about occurred to me:
while I was in grad school, I had this idea that if I ever got a tattoo, I would have the words
"Place your pain here"
stenciled across the top of my back near the shoulders*. I think this was also not far removed from the first time I had the fantasy of dragging people (blackfolx?) up out of (bad stuff, ignorance?) up a mountain.
And since that point in life particularly, I think I've always been occupied with the idea of the strong back - of being one who takes on what others cannot; how is it is...or could be one's contribution to humanity.
(Particularly for one who doesn't contribute enough?)
Well, it was in that moment while walking past that figure holding aloft the Mother Sphere that I, for the first time, ever made a connection with my preoccupation and the attraction to Atlas when I was little...
though I don't really remember thinking about it much then.
but I guess that doesn't mean it wasn't there, right?
Monday, August 01, 2011
Then I took a bit of a moment to decide whether I was going to say that I knew that it was nothing I'd not heard before; show that I knew that she meant. I probably said something like "yeah". I mentioned that I don't plan on doing that particular job for forever.
But, hey, if you're great (and I mean YOU) - as long as your being it - even in a place that doesn't seem to be where it most fits or you're not rewarded with the money or notariety others that others have been afforded for similar greatness...
if somebody is getting to experience it, and your not letting it grow stale from disuse,
is that still wasteful?
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
AND manage to make the union payment that I couldn't the previous night/wee hours to be ALLOWED to work on said bg call.
Managed to get muffin and tea before boat left, despite whatever caused all the service people (nat'l and PD) to be in the terminal. (small favor?)
I got to print call and saw several people I haven't in a while, including young cat I dig from A&C, dude I did a dude play with and money that keeps booking the print jobs I don't 'cuz he all gorgeous an' sh!t. Despite chatting each of them up for a sec, managed to get in ahead of the line - DESPITE not being dressed properly for said call (definite favor).
Made call a few blocks away AT 11a, got in and set about doing weekly expenses and got dues paid....before checking balance...then checked balance...and had to change cards so as not to overdraft. Got in touch with union HQ and was able to change payment source (favor).
Met another person rocking the fivevingers. These is the summer jawn for '11 fuh sho (favoring the feet).
Realized that person I thought looked a lot like person was, in fact, that person: reconnection (personal favor).
Found out that, in fact I had enough cash in account to cover original transaction, thus, no need to have changed payment sources (financial favor) AND that the lower payment that I made instead was still enough to allow me to work for the project (professional favor).
Had long conversation about paleo-diet (sp?), dialect, "race", identity, culture (oral favor!)
Heard from re-connection about their personal nutrition discovery affected them in a positive enough way to give the strength to stand what was, more or less divorce (resurective favor).
Surprise chance to see Sacha Baron Cohen in action up-close and Anna Faris do her (changed presumption favor).
And I got paid overtime for most of the above... (see "financial favor")
Sudden boost of energy, boosted moreso by FORTILIVE (musical favor)
Coming home, sitting on bed, looking down and finding lost 8GB micro SD card!
(highly unlikely favor)
AND it was nice and cool and breezy and overcast.
Today was Monday?
My new favorite.
Monday, July 25, 2011
(as in clinically)
I worked my way onto my position on money.
I think I hate money. I also think it's impossible to love money - people might love making money, but they don't love money.
They can't, because there's nothing there. There's no force, there's no energy. The only value (greater sense, not market) is that ascribed to it by (us).
A (at least roughly) spherical placed at the top of a decline has potential energy and, given a certain weight and relatively stable laws of physics, that potential is measurable. Launched down said incline, said rock has kinetic energy - again measurable.
One cannot take away the energy of that object - one can only displace it to other objects (impediments, air friction). Now, the method of measuring may change or the units of measure may change, but that's just changing numbers around. Depending on the scale, the energy of that moving rock can be anywhere from seemingly infinite to negatively-near-non-existence, but it doesn't take away from the actual energy, force displayed. It merely is.
Money is merely changing numbers.
The importance of money hinges simply on our collective insistence on it. To me personally, it is unimportant. One might suggest that I give them all my money in this case. At this point I might respond that I would be happy to if it weren't so important to all the people who want it from me.
If humankind wanted to, we could have already been to Jupiter by now, free of charge.
But as long as there's one person who has to get paid, or even an expense covered,
("oh, I just need the money to cover the cost of me....")
we'll just sit here occasionally glancing at bootprints on the moon.
This week, I think I am of the impression that I can't do anything I truly love for money.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
While in the Manhattan side lower deck, I noticed a Hasidic* family - what I assumed to be a mother and her two boys, father standing near. Without them noticing, I snapped a few shots of them looking out into the bay and taking pictures.
Now, I'm usually pretty weird about taking candids of people in public. I don't want to be in any pictures without being asked first - and just taking picture of people - especially those with kids, does make me feel slightly creepy.
and then there' all my personal image rights issues.
At first I was just going to leave it alone. Thinking that orthodox Jewish people seem fairly stand-offish anyway, so why bother.
Then I thought about Leiby Kletzky.
And I thought about this family with two small boys.
I may have even thought about the quote I read of someone not being able to believe the killer was Jewish.
(what, Jewish are that much better then everyone else?)
Then I decided, as the boat was pulling into the dock, that I was going to show it to the father ( I assumed ) and maybe offer a sense that maybe there were some non-crazy people in the world.
So, I did - and there was a slight awkard moment, and another when I offered to e-mail it to him.
(which I realize now was probably just him trying to understand why this strange man was taking pics trying to get a card - everybody in the city is wary of a sales pitch).
Then I showed it to the young woman, and the other adult male with them - smiles both times.
(which I was surprised about since I wasn't sure if orthodox women were ALLOWED to speak to non-Jewish men)...
Today I loaded them up onto photobucket and sent him a message with the link.
I did not expect to get an almost immediate response:
"wow thanks a million"
My pleasure, sir. Be safe.
or being around people who are too happy...
Yet, I seem skilled at making people less un-happy.
Or, maybe I'm just not happy now...
did I mention I've agreed to a job in "marketing" for the next 5 months in a full-time capacity?
I don't know what I was thinking either.
One hopes finally being out of credit card debt will be worth it.
And, yes, no acting will be done in the near future; not in the theatrical context, anyway.
Well, I don't think it will.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Yesterday, while trying to confirm a hg leak in the parking lot of PathMark on Forest, there was a middle age-ish gentleman of color in a Rodeo (maybe passport) talking on his phone parked next to me. As he finished his call and got rady to leave, I went to close my door which was in his way. I did so expecting nothing more than passing acknowledgement. However, he asked me, his speech tinge with the Caribbean that's nig omnipresent hereabouts, if I was from ''around here''. I can't remember if I told him my geographic origin, but I did tell him that I lived on the island. Then he seemed to think for a moment and said that, as he watched my working on the car - and I thougt he was going to say ''kindred spirits'', and maybe that occurred to him as well, because there was the slightest moment before he said he felt like we were brothers. I expected some continuation about him being reminded of his brother growing up, but there was none... He asked me my name, I told him; he told me his: ''Semetrius''. Then he simply stated that he hoped our paths would cross again and pulled away. Hm.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
then saw a completely self-fabricated, fully DIY as in culled together from random backyard leavings trike.
I think I preferred the latter.
Was told by Debra at Strauss auto while being checked out, "your a nice looking guy."
I didn't have a response, and think her daughter had run out of looks for us to trade at her mom's awkwardness.
such was Funday.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Being on a mission, I didn't get into my great and expansive idea that health is about balance and the the juice with the flesh of the fruit may act together in the system that stabilize each other; too much of one or the other throws off the balance => too much of anything is too much.
So, as I made way to the car, I must have started thinking about eat well and long life, because, by the time I got to the car, I'd surmised that
one can have too much longevity
and that there must be a balance between long life and a full life.
What is a long life if one never lives?
What is excitement/passion/intensity if one has no time to consider/enjoy it?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I just turned on the tv today and show called "Speed of Life" was on Discovery. The title intrigued me. All that was on the screen was two people wearing head lights and I wondered what that had to do with the title.
So, guess what the segment I turned to just happened to be on.
My life is weird in strange little ways.
suspicious I've been having dreams about them and not remembering.
I thought my bike itch had been scratched by having a shifty car now,
perchance I was wrong.
perchance it is merely Spring beckoning?
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