The Last Man: The Deluxe Ed. Book Two

Is the first time reading the front leaf mad me say "wow".

Just got pulled over

for "speeding".

I translated as "out of state license plate at 5am".

I guess 3 unis getting out of an unmarked is ''necessary".

Heard what sounded like southern LA to me.

I love being used as "practise".

My current definition of "married couple"

Two people who've gone through some sh!t together, who realize that - together - they can get through some sh*t.

Wind is not merely air.

It is air that is moving.

Since starting with this acting thing,

When I tell people that I'm an actor, I'll often hear something to the effect of it being ''my dream''.

Wanna hear a secret?

It's not my dream. I've known this since the first time I heard it characterized as such. I guess it can be for others, but I can't see how it could be.

Have you ever seen a dream? They're huge. Acting? A dream?

It's too small.

SO. Since I figured out what it isn't, I began putting some thought into what it is.

I think I've stated here before that I once wanted to save Black people.

Eventually, thad grew into wanting to be a superhero when I grow up. I just wantBut, I don't think I thought of that in terms of being a dream.

Maybe it's because I thought of ''a dream'' as being something more tangible, active.

Or, maybe, I thought ''dream'' to be something more fantastic.

(shrug)

So, here we are at ''now''.

Hm.

And I think I may have figured out what my ''dream'' might be.

...

I want to be elemental,

a force of nature,

the literal and figurative embodiment of the penultimate singularity: Creation.

I want to be a sentient Act of God.

(inhale)
(exhale)
(inhale)
(exhale)

...

(BOOM)
ex to save everybody. That was only a few years ago, by the way.

At this moment,

I'm contemplating beung the one who always knows what should be said, what should-have-been-said

and still being the one who doesn't just go ahead say it

(slash)

why won't I just go ahead and say it?

"And the of it truth is....

...the truth of it is I don't need the rest of those yahoos to do the class project."


From Powers: Roleplay, Image Comics.

Hilarious to me since I am currently - and just got through thinking about - doing a class project.


(heh)

What I Think Theatre Should Be About

(5 min writing exercise during a class this past monday)

"
Truth. . . or the apparent lack thereof. Something that happens in the actual realm of reality wherein any good physicist realizes we actually have no real concept of the bounds of possiblity.

I think it should be about earth.
And Dirt.
And all the stuff Joni Jones said people only think Us is.
And the rest of the stuff in school.
And everything that isn't.

"

Afronaught - now or never

(click)

word.

So, this high-schooly/college-ish girl

next to me on the boat took her saddle-colored oxford off to be re-stringed.

And either it, her lapiz socked tootsie or BOTH

are kickin it rather corny.

I really world like to enjoy my kati roll.

But I'd also like to taste it without the added flavor.

Oh! It's back on!

So, carry on.

(Iss on)

How I do wish I could just sit here and read this manga, and not think anymore about projects/assignments/whatever.

Within the past hour,

I have wondered if acting should exist for me as a form of exercise; choose something else as a vocation.

To have all this passion, yet nothing I feel passionately about to want to do seems strange.

Wasted.

I wonder why I wasn't born in one of this places where I'd be too busy just trying to survive for any of this to matter.

Or, maybe, the challenge for me is to decide to go.

I really don't want to hear any more about my potential.
Not because of embarrassment or guilt;
it just doesn't help me use it.

I know my potential.
I know people glow when I pass them.
I know I am the walking endowment of the singularity called the Big Bang,
I know I contain the explosion that created the universe.

I am beginning to try to own what I can bring,
still wondering,
what to do with it,

(before it's too late?)

“Your task is not to seek for love,

 but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
--Jalal ad-Din Rumi

I just found out

that the chronically annoying "A-O, A-O" that the tween girls kept wailing in the train yestday comes form a track that came pre-loaded on my N900.

ew.

and delete.

It must be hard being my brain.

I never noticed before, but there's a hurt in truth.

(n/m)

Left wrist.

Weird, hollow? Feeling?

Perhaps from sleeping on it.

Not pain.

Hm.

Had first actor reaming in a long time in class today.

Just woke up feelng like I was in trouble, had done something wrong, was supposed to have done something.

Don't know if it's related.

I am determined to not be an asshole to get a point across in teaching acting/anything, that performing passion is not necessary to talk about and is often less constructive and wholly not respectful.

In the least...one must earn respect and TRUST before using emotional manipulation/stimulation.

Static

"Spawn"

me, the K10 and all the bucolic that Pepsi, SUNY and Purchase can muster.


ok. maybe not all.


I have no idea what bucolic is.

                                             

I just realized my helmet

has been sitting in the corner for over a year now unused.

it may be very material/consumptionist/earthly, but I still really want a motorbike.

I was asked today

where I get my energy from.

As in, who in family.

You know what?

I don't exactly know.

Both.

The sense comes from mother's.

I think the urge toward loquacity/to perform from father's.

His are preachers.

Hers are comedians.

in my little bit of estimation, anyway.

Portrait of Tracy

I guess it figures that the only S.W.V. song that I'll ever admit to REALLY liking would be 90-98% due to the (large) interpolated element of an experimental jazz song from 1976.

Or may be it doesn't.

(shrug)

Wow.

First class since grad school.

6 years.

First first day of school-ish.

I shld prolly go before I'm late.

;-P

First house Rebbie of the season

TZUNL599

Hmm....

At some point,

I'm going to figure out that self conscious is something to not be while on set.

It also not the best place to have a bad day on the bike.

Stop being scared, oh yeah of little selfbelief.

Why are politicians paid?

Doesn't it create a conflict of interest of some sort that people be paid to represent when they are themselves part of the public they're meant to serve?

Paid to serve themselves.

Shouldn't there by a heavily defined demarkation between politicians ans representatives?

"the individual has no right to live

.unto himself."

"The bond of the slave

Is snapped at the moment he considers himself a free being."


ghandiBhai

"This body does not belong to us.

It belongs to your children and those a thousand years unborn. You are preparing the world for another tomorrow, even if you die here today."

LIGHT BRIGADE

I wonder if this dude realized he was in Whole Foods.

The Tempest is a comedy?

The firdt rom-com?

What?

I was all ready to aud for it. Then I watched it.

Caliban? I dunno...

Maybe it'll get interesting to me before Friday.

Dream

I was a counselor/CO at facility for wayward youth.

Pseudomilitary,

Toughlove, whathaveyou.

Was working with kid with obvious deferred development.

At 1:55:37

Again I say...


WTF IS TYLER PERRY IN STAR TREK

Uttered by me while watching Star Trek (2009)

WTF IS TYLER PERRY IN STAR TREK!!!!!!

(Ugh)

I am in one of "those" moods.

Despite my intent to go do some menial work to avoid it...

Which I haven't because I haven't gotten what I applied for and didn't take what I knew would be there (because flyers are USELESS).

I did also fully intend to do something creative with the camera - set up date with model even - but "thing" came up for her... So...

I've been in this room for 6 years. Gasp. Gasp and egad.

(Insert sigh)

I suppose I've come fully out of my vacation from theatre. There's a theory about approaching a role that I'd like to test...

Watched The Tempest last night. Not so certain I want to go in for it now. Maybe.

At times I wonder if I should go find some ambitious, Type A-types to tie myself too.

(See what I did there? Nice.)

(sigh)

This has been one of those posts.

(enD)

Thought while watching the Tempest on Netflix:

If there is the NFL

and NBA

and NASCAR

and Target

and Quiznos,

why isn't there a national for-profit league of theaters who produce their own pieces and have a season of going to each others houses putting up double bills or weekend two-fer one specials ending in a season playoff where audience members choose their favorite pieces? Once chosen, there could be a week long post-season festival of best-ofs and experimentals concluding with an all-star gala production featuring the most able people in the various capacities chosen from all of the league's member houses.

Or has that been done already?

Yessaday's checklist

Decide to go into the city and try to get into EPA at, like, 3p?

check.

Get rekkanized by chile from weekend callback that went un-fortunately?

check.

Make strong choices and carry them out, have work referred to as "strong", get auditor to consider casting decision they didn't expect to?

check.

Follow 'locked woman-carrying-future-on-her-right-hip with bounteous "base of operations" demurely wrapped in full-length brown/yellow/orange print for half block just 'cuz they was looking all "Queen Walking with Princess, NYC c. 2010" and I SO dug what was I was seeing?

check.

Walk all the way from 46th to South Ferry with minimal stops like it wudn't nothin?

check.

Get home and sleep half-way normal-like?

check. (more/less)

Ass.

jack = male
jenny = female


ergo...

jackass

and, I guess, jennyass?

yes. jennyass is the new jawn.

First time experiences

by Jayson Reliford

dream....escape!

I went for a drive yesterday, part of it was in the LI village of Brightwater....well-to-do type place with its own inlet from the sound for the docking of boats and such.


I just realized that I had a today about having to escape a similar neighborhood. I was actually in people's houses, though. I'd parked my car (my maroon '99 Galant) in this place I was, apparently, not supposed to be. I was trying to work my way back to it without getting caught.

I keep having dreams about having to escape some place.

Upset with self for

Failing to fully seize moment at audition.

(Sigh)

<rust>

Good news/bad news

Driving a manual has proven as much - well, more, really satisfying than I anticipated. You know how you just really want to do something? When it goes well, it's quite gratifying. When it doesn't go well, you say, "ok, I need to concentrate". The less I blame the car and the less I fight the car (ohhh...THAT'S what synchros are for*).

/

The urge to go driving tends to burn gasoline (+money) and conflict with my crunchy/miser/conservo-nerd image.


*see, when you try to shift and the transmission doesn't seem to want to go into the gear you've chosen despite the clutch being fully out, that's the synchros saying "er...engine speed and your current choice of gear are not as compatible as you seem to believe. Try again. Think 'higher'".

blakSkwerl says

free all the innocent skWerlz and political prisoners.

Why, yes.

Yes, I did have a dream I was filling in for Pres. O. in the O office last night.

Now experienced in breaking women's AND men's hearts!


I've gotten some little things, but I'd just love to know what I'm supposed to learn from this...

Artist =

"one who expresses."

professional artist = "one loans their ability to express to those are not so able/inclined"

SEB, 4.5 yrs later, first day of school.

be strong. but never be too strong to be honest.

welcome to the world, Lil' Big Bruh.

be great.


love,
unKle

Concourse Village, Bronx. USA

Underground parking area?

Looked un-used, built-over and avoided.

(sigh)

sun,

unions are usury,

I told my mother I was out dancing last night,

At which point she interjected, "oh, you can dance?"

" he may got donkey d__k but I dig deeper (into your duodenum?) cuz I do
it from the diaphragm"

Mike Tyson on Competing Dogma

"You know, people say, "My god is better than your god." But how do we prove whose god is better? And this is when it gets really interesting. This is how we prove whose god is better than whose: [by saying,] "I'm going to kill you, or you're going to kill me first." And that's real godly. That's real godly. Yeah. I bet you people think, I wonder who would win a fight with the Prophet Mohammad and Jesus? These are sick people. This is crazy, you know what I mean?"

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/mma/boxing/07/28/tyson.interview/index.html?eref=sihp#ixzz0v3EbwDHO

Yet another reason why I should not be allowed 24 hr internet access

at least not with a PayPal account.

today's wacky dream

on a cruise ship with somebody.

suddenly, all boat staff (predominately female as it was) in underwear.

a skinny version of onE of my grad school mates pulled a cameo At the end.

(shrug)

While, after 30 mins,

The film has gotten much mored interesting,

I's hongry.

Currently at the 10:20 showing...

...of a film.

At 10:35, I'm still waiting for the film to begin.

Previews should be burned alive.

Dag. I, like, JUST remembered to take off my makeup. Not that I had much left after milling abt in the tropics last nite.

In conclusion

Got kinda fun towards end. Bike messengers showed love. I'm looking forward to going back.

Yes, it is me and I managed to say somethng positive.

No, I haven't been drinking.


Peace,
cwj

Tornado watch!

So, after my lackluster closeup event, we get to hang out in the trailers during the possible high winds coming.

A trailer. Exactly where one should not be in such a cliamctic event.

So...

Just finished my big scene. At some point remind me to figure out whether I'm thinking too hard or not enough.

Gonna chill out in the honeywagon until we do whatever it is we have to do next.

''Hurry up'' portion finished,

And now we wait.

J G-L goes by "Joe". I can dig that. We spoke, but I don't know how much we'll be interacting in the scene. He's actually dealing with his love interest while I'm talking to a crowd. AND we're shooting it that way.

Tricky. Guess that's why they wanted The Acting Monster.

Beware the hammy, overacting Beast.

THE JOB

So, I'm on the set of a "major" "motion" "picture" today, scene with the star.

I guess I'll try to do some liveblogging. When I'm not knowing my fingernails off, that is.

Or reading graphic novels.

For the first time in my experience...

the Hudson Bay smelled like a paper mill. Perhaps it was just the boat.

Either way - ew.

Other fun from today:

 I have officially decided that I do NOT want to be that guy at the last-minute cattle-called casting that is complaining about having "talked his way" off of a paying shoot to come to this because "I thought I'd be in and out" who thinks he's making it better by saying, "but I know you guys have been here longer".

(yeah, some chick was like that at a casting I went to today. boo)

Saw the worst tranny job ever today. I really don't understand what makes these cats think that balloons hovering around one's outer hip looks real. Maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe that person had just stuffed some balloons into (his/her) pants. Hopefully. Most plastic surgery is of the devil.

Found a ramen place at 14th and 1st. Saw a dish for, like, $13. That must be POWERFUL good ramen.

I probably should have said something deep, personal and important, but that's what your candy @$$e$ get.

:-P

Or I guess that what I get since it's my blog.

I really used to know how to do this.

stupid facebook.

Karl Malone?

During succession of crazy dreams I had yesterday, I dreamed Karl Malone died.

Random

My hair smells funny after I wash it.

Ti-red

Amelia Geocos ghost bike

1st & E. 49th, Manhattan.

Dan Valle ghost bike

Williamsburg Bridge, north path, BK side.

(stroke)

I think I may have decided to learn to swim.

Bread

I decided to go a week without any bread (to go with my ongoing
avoidance of cheese). I already had to start over once.

This morning, I had a dream that I gave up and ate a slice of pizza
after, last night, mistakenly eating two ice milk bars (ALWAYS look first).

The devil is a liar.

con-tact

I have just been completely distracted by merging my contacts on a phone
I keep telling myself I'm going to sell.

Shouldn't I be doing something constructive right now?

Like pushups?

Or trying to not be poor?

(shrug)

(goes back to merging)

Rain

Not thunderstorm,
Not torrential downpour,

Just rain.

yay.

Mary & Max

"The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect. You are imperfect, and so am I."

Softcore Softail

        

Sr.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmU5fLzR6bU

Largest Ancestry by US County c. 2000

(courtesy wikipedia)

I never finish anything.

DJ Vadim Feat. S. Jones - Your Revo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E62SZ1CmBOI

I was riding past the World Science Festival

In Battery Park and Dr. Tyson DeGrasse is speaking!!!

in callback for motion picture...

with 3 matched pairs of young folks: blond, brunette & racially ambiguous.

fun stuff.

Roomie's new "friend"

a) recognized we needed a new filter over the range, which I never paid
attn to before

b) is cute

/yes.

(fistpump)/

dopesauce

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an9BgNm_LPg

Male tarantulas live to about 8 yrs,

only a few months after they reach sexual maturyity.

Females live 20-30.

Cough....gag.

Had my first coughing fit due to a "tickle in throat" today.

**while waiting to go in to audition**

Bad enough to cause convulsions.

That sucked.

No idea of cause.

Welcome (back) to NY.

south Asian man on street:

I don't prefer the women which are flat.

(or something like that)

I think I miss

NerdBoy and the maternal G.O.A.T. unit.

strange, weird stuff with Sr. (again).

more on all that after I spend to QT with these sides.

peace,

me.

''Here's the maintenance I had this week...

I had a facial, a body wrap, botox....''

(heard from coming from seat 6C on flite 5080 to Atl.

The more I'm around

Nerdboy, the more I regret all the time I haven't spent with him.

'' 'Artist'...

is a word that floats around in your head, but there's a point at which you have to come out of the closet and say, 'That's what I intend to be,' and saying that rules out a lot of what you might have done in your life.''

          Liviu Ciulei

Mad shouts out to shawty werkin' gate D31 in ATL rocking the fly chappeau and making work with the uniform and corporate guidelines.

The captain for my 9:55 flight to monroe, la HAS NOT ARRIVED YET. (insert incredulity)

Do trees grow up

because it's easier

or because it's harder?

Neh'mine.......they grow both ways.

Why the

!@$@ does this @$%! happen at exactly the same time every 2#$#@ year?

At least I @#$%@% consistent in being full of @$%.

(sigh)

Macaroon

While reading about the Mardi Gras, the subject of mixed-icism came up - quadroon, octoroon and such. It's nothing I wasn't previously familiar with, but I've come to understand that such deliniations a based in the Frenchie experience and worked their way up into the rest of the cultural consciousness.

So, with my understanding of the concept, I thought I was considered a quadroon -  white Euro grandparent, the rest* Afro-brown.

However the reading referred to having one person of African descent and the other European, thus I began to wonder about the previous classification.

Ergo, I hit up the Mom-Unit and received this:

"you are 1/4 caucasian and 3/4 African to my knowledge ???? but of course I'm sure my white father's parents were both white and their parents both white --- so -- maybe so."

I've known of my mother's mixed-oscity for some time now and thus mine, but growing up, it was never discussed as such. She was just Black. Even recently when we've talked about it, we just discussed her "biological father", not saying avoiding him, but never saying she's mixed.


She came to see me when I did Yellowman in St. Louis, and I know it was discussed, but I can't remember ever saying "your father is white", though we certainly knew that was the case.


What she's never done, though, is referred to ME as being part Blanco.


It was weird to see that.


"you are 1/4 Caucasian."


You're never too old for them to surprise, one s'poses....



*I actually don't think my paternal grandfather is of purely African ancestry. His brown was a little light; his nose a little profound to the front rather than to the sides.

the lowly creative's prayer

Dear, heavenly father, I apologize for all the evil I, as the Acting Monster, have visited upon productions past. I will try to better control the theatrical beast that lives inside me. This I do unconditionally...

However, if you might see fit, I was wondering if you could maybe, like, you know... possibly make these actors a little less completely frackin' insane out the $%%!hole so we can finish this week, this run without any acting casualties.


Signed w/love,

the AD'ing Monster

My father just

referred to himself by his first name on a voice message.

"Hey...this is ______."

Partly weird since we have the same given name.

interesting.