I am currently Reading Between the World and Me. I had an idea of what it was supposed to be, but it is not what I expected.

Anyway,

I just opened my library app to see if there is an audiobook available to check out. 

I see that there is someone waiting to read it.

That makes me feel good. 

better.

somehow.

pondering

Somethingsomething 'the threat of poetry is that it requires us/needs us (?) To think and feel.

And industrial capitalism (thinking something bigger, simpler, more-at-the-core) needs us to do neither'...

somethingsomething...

I'm thinking something about words and base meanings and emotions and the danger difficulty of denotion vs connotation of defining (feeling) with words.

How does one reliably and repeatedly convey emotion? And do we document emotion. What does "she was sad" mean and say?

Is emotion compatible with the past tense?

Can one talk about what was (a feeling) without what is (a feeling)?

How do we convey emotion without the feeler present?

THEY felt that then. WE didnt.

Why cant i have a pronoun general enough to refer to any possible person that is SINGULAR.

(growl)

from the low place

https://youtu.be/UyFMiDmwWK8 

this child is singing from somewhere down below the delta.

odd how none of the comments see that.

maybe they weren't listening.

does it take blues to know the blues is real?

(i) know.

rhetorical question.

I've been mean for a while but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few years.

I've been being even meaner this week.

which is hard because I've held it in and gone an a depression anger cycle.

which I thought I was off of.

and I guess I am.

because now I'm back to being my regular mean.

i'm tired of being mean. i would like not to be. at least not when not useful.

(sigh)

i probably need a puppy.

(but i'm afraid i'd be mean to - )

(sigh)

{inside tear}

"In the main we are different from other folks in that, when an impulse moves us, when we are caught in the throes of inspiration, when we are moved to better our lot, we do not ask ourselves: "Can we do it?" but: "Will they let us do it?" Before we black folk can move, we must first look into the white man's mind to see what is there, to see what he is thinking, and the white man's mind is a mind that is always changing."

     —Richard Wright, from 12 Million Black Voices

"democracy is anticapitalistic"

From "Education and Sociology: An Encyclopedia"

Dream where feeding stay kittens somehow attracts a young tiger/wildcat something/something?

(Watching Brooklyn Cats vids?)

"It's not easy is it? Admitting your weaknesses.

 But, no matter how long you fake it,

nothing will change."

{it's not easy admitting your weaknesses, but nothing will change until you do}

I miss mountains.

Why do we only get one month?

 

Maybe it's because you're supposed to use it to show the work you were supposed to be doing for the other eleven.

"feel" = sensation (input from the senses)

"feeling" = cognitive response to sensation

(or sense as sensed by 6th sense - as yet undefinable sensory organ?)

"When you're slow, you know you need to pay attention. It's the clever ones who never listen."

Un vive sans joie

(sigh)

I would like a mobile alternative to Google and Apple.

i really do.

"Massa's still trying to convince himself he picked cotton, too."

Daniel J. Watts

another one of those dreams

where I am a singer, but this time recognizing past as actor and telling story during a show about how my choice to move on wasn't about acting being wrong or sinful, but the wrong choice for me.


this after having a text exchange with someone asking what characters of the most well known playwright in English and deciding how to explain my current position on such.


which I call "theatre as a martial art"


which is about practice. a certain depth of work that everybody isn't always down for. that I don't "enjoy" doing it in the same way others "enjoy" it.


that I have to have very specific circumstances in order to be comfortable,

in order to be able to tell me self "relax",

so that I can dig deep into it.



because some of us like the depth,

but still need to learn the difference between that and strain...



so that parts of our brain that are used for memory can work.



or just accept out limitations with such.




(somethingsomehtingrmblerambelthismadesensebefore.....................


)

"I won't live to see 40...

... This nation is to sick."

a question for the talented un-10th

What to do

What to do

 

what to do...

when you are an intellectual elitist

who despises social elitism

or the caste of class

and money.

(or the appearance bought by the trappings thereof)

pervasive blood memory

An inquiry about interest in a project has caused me to look back at The Souls of Black Folk and realize that I had started, never finished, had barely gotten into reading it.

I think I switched to The Negro - which is the usual marathon that DuBois is, but one of the first printed words of the loves of West Africans prior to American slavery by an American.

There is a passage about his time teaching in a rural school-house in Tennessee when he mentions "old time religion".

I am thinking about the video I watched last night about fetíche catch fighting in the Dem. Rep. of Congo and Hurston's Baracoon and wondering about all the things people may have meant/mean when said/say it.

(intended and unintended)

On Sat, Jan 11, 2020, 11:27 AM CWalkerJr <c.walker.jr@gmail.com> wrote:

Fine. There was wind, but we experienced no damage. I don't think anything touched down around here.

On Sat, Jan 11, 2020, 7:14 AM mary hill <mary.evangeline.hill@gmail.com> wrote:

How y'all doin?

from "The Souls of Black Folk"

Hi – I'm reading "The Souls of Black Folk" by W. E. B. (William Edward Burghardt) Du Bois and wanted to share this quote with you.

"In the history of nearly all other races and peoples the doctrine preached at such crises has been that manly self-respect is worth more than lands and houses, and that a people who voluntarily surrender such respect, or cease striving for it, are not worth civilizing."

 http://a.co/h1VJhiy

For the past couple days, I've contemplated setting up a booth like Lucy From Peanuts with a sign that simply says: "Come Talk", and sitting there with a book until somebody comes up.

...at some point, I did considee adding a tip jar : )

Now, while surfing the YouToobz sans a sign in so even more random things than usual come up, I clicked on Buzzfeed video of cartoonists drawing each other, and thought about an extension of the idea where I sit at a table in public and select random videos... aimed at providing moments of calm...or at least non-combativeness....or the unspoken strife...what I think is what was called "ice" in the 60s...when people didnt trust and didnt deal with each other....simply not acknowledging each others presence except in conflict.

somethingsomething

Ise Lyfe, "My Best Friend" / Snap Judgment LIVE!

Bill Withers - The Gift of Giving (High Quality)

Because I don't believe I've heard Bill Withers work with this much voice before.







This makes me want to dance a mask or a cypher.

"civilization exists by geological consent"

typical

Apparently, when looking for a person to play the character Oola, Star Wars casting purposely looked for a Black person.

Oola is Jaba the Hutt's slave dancer.

(Who is also in green alien makeup.)

The one that gets eaten by a rancor.

Aren't you glad George Lucas made Redtails? 

Aren't you just glad?

Carroll Spinney

1933-2019

I'm pretty sure I dreamed i moved to Raleigh NC last nightmorning.

Days to Come - Bonobo feat. Bajka

Journey set sail was to leave
Cause I'm only birds & bees
Lose and news and all things be
Sunlight garden low red blossoms
Moon tides of the sea

When struggling for a magic grain
We throw our life to the winds like rain
For goodness sake
Spare your failings and take the ability
To strengthen
No spirit can stimulate all minds
Blossoms of days to come

Blossoms of days to come

Move away from your western guns
Travel towards eastern suns
Far above all earthly goals
A pledge for creation's soul
Spirit finds fresh morning and the dew
Of precious things
Hope is a phoenix building wings to fly
And what we wish shall be
Like a breathe of fresh air
Safe and secret powers
That no love can spare

Move away from your western guns
Travel towards eastern suns
Far above all earthly goals
A pledge for creation's soul

Far above all earthly goals
A pledge for creation's soul

Move away from your western guns
Travel towards eastern suns
Far above all earthly goals
A pledge for creation's soul [x2]

Far above all earthly goals
A pledge for creation's soul 

"nice motorcycle. Dont get killed on it. I had an uncle get killed on one and I had to hear about all while growing up".

what am I supposed to do with that?

Life and Death at a Downtown Jail

Listen to: S1 E6: Life and Death at a Downtown Jail - https://one.npr.org/i/777137718:777137720 

multi tasking

I went to pick garbage out of the ditch in front of our yard and picked up in the following order:

1. a Trojan condom wrapper

2. a piece of a wrapper from an adhesive bandage

3. an elastic hair tie

4. a large portion of synthetic human hair, seemingly female.

Check out Lavender (feat. Kaytranada) [Explicit] by Badbadnotgood on Amazon Music

Check out Lavender (feat. Kaytranada) [Explicit] by Badbadnotgood on Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B078H936MH?trackAsin=B078H4NTLR&ref=dm_sh_XBWPqnjHifkmyd4Tma82H6mJT

dZihan & Kamien ‎– Lost And Found

there are now people who have been to space

(actually, there now)

that are younger than me.




hm.

source material.

I deeply and utterly despise when reviews of comic book-based film approach them as though they or their various elements are new and revolutionary.....when the stories and characters are 10-50 years old.

correction fluid.

For the Record:

"shouldve" is far from egregious and casually acceptable.

"should of" is 3xegregious and should not appear in any written form unless separated by a comma or in quotes for the sake of explaining how to stop appearing functionally inept on the intertubes.



#seen

(huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaauuuuugh)


I am currently stuck in a moment of intertia again.


I really don't want to be anyone's employee again, but it is hard to settle on a personal business because they all seem to involve remaining in one place.

As is also the case with ideas about being involved in local gov't.

As is somewhat the case with contributing the local arts.

I don't know if it's "can't make my mind up" or "won't".



There may be a certain amount of the same as what happened when I lived in New York:


I have little-to-no-money and no current gig so I don't venture out because that costs money.


maybe.

dunno.


but, you know,

feelings.

you know?


I have an online course to work on.

I have some book study to do.

(which have been interesting in that the information in the two subjects have already converged some)


I just find it massively hard to work on them...despite not really having anything else to do.


it's hard.

it's hard without a partner.

or a family?

or a dog?


Or something.




I'm also trying to learn-myself how to draw.

But the Left Brain is strong in this one.


I am, at this moment, wondering if the will is lefty or righty.


I do things for free and travel long distances to do them just to feel useful,
and then I feel like I've got some energy and momentum and focus
and it doesn't go anywhere.

Anywhere.

any where.

any

an

a

ere

here

where.


(sigh)



: #


 

‘It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.’



(from here, likely sourced..will update if I find the actual)

Watch "Georgian Dancers Push Their Physical Limits for Tradition" on YouTube

Africa upside down.

Or right side up?

(click pic to enlarge)

I am less interested in the "if the plague had killed most of Europe" element, but this is where the pic came from.

Mux Mool - Hand on the Scantron

live.

now.

"Minds forget. Scars remember."

-  Augrah

"Promisees you cannot keep...

...are no better than lies."

-- Aughra

While watching the Good Place...

 ...and giving my particular affinity for the character Janet a consideration,


(aside from always being on the side of any robot/android/AI that isn't unjustifiably terrible)


AND,

it has occurred to me that I like omniscient characters,



maybe,


because I wish I was omniscient.




      Some have viewed me as a know-it-all.

 
which isn't accurate.


      because I WISH I knew it all.


and feel I never know much of anything.

momentary speculation on terrotism in the US

Aside from a general suspicion that the current spate of mass shootings in Western countries is an organized act by groups that have realized that it is easier to implode nations than it is to explode them,

i am momentarily wondering if there are people in these counties who feel they can induce in their respective societies to embrace the worldview and tactic they have espoused.

in this case: if I show make them need weapons, it will give me/my children/my community the freedom to have them


(that they have been convinced is going to be taken away)



{shrug}



dunno.





In Odessa

the world shot 26 more people yesterday.

I am currently wondering how much the book Darktown Strutters (1996) has to do with the film Dark Strutters (1975) and how purposely each of them are meant to be minstrel shows.

When one of them is about performing minstrelsy, and one almost seems to a reverse-performance of American Blackface Minstrelsy.

hm.

"How hard we work when nobody's looking, that's who we really are inside."

- John Henry and the Railroad

"People are more interested in what they don't like than anything else."

"Looks like the deep North ain't no different from the deep South."

- Darktown Strutters by Wesley Brown

Summer's Day https://g.co/kgs/uS9X1b 

Things that I don't understand - offline https://youtu.be/tkkzTpUsmDY

I just spent at least 30 minutes trying to remember the security pattern for a device because I realized I set two different patterns for each of my devices and while trying to remember one I reset the other to what I thought was a better one and almost immediately forgot what I reset it to and why cant you do a "forgotten pattern" on versions newer than 4.4?

In short.

Fall in the seasons of life....

?

tell. the. truth

"You are not singing. Truth is revealed through song. The ancient prophecy states that one day a deliverer will lead us back to a higher plane, but those who speak without the veil speak only evil!

They are liars and charlatans! Heed not their deceitful words!"


- this weird plant? creature with eyebrows where eyes should be on Cannon Busters
  - his name is Moldwarp.

Ghetto Berimbau by Sango

CFCF - Raining Patterns

I'm pretty sure the woman who works at the local Auto Zone has attempted to convince the other employees there that I am attempting to infiltrate their ranks for the sake of a grand larceny or simply want to commit petty theft every time I am in the store.

And I am also wondering how much that has to do with the headache I have now.

morning would.

Today, on the local college radio station,

which is comparatively conservative,

I would say...


I heard Corinne Bailey Rae's cover

of Prince's "I Wanna Be Your Lover",

at just-before 10:00 i'th'morning,

 and I wondered if were allowing some space in the interpretation of the chorus -

or if this mornings programmer simply doesn't know that

"only one you come for"

indicates

"monogamous orgasms".


Or maybe they do.

image search

Hi!

I lost my marketing!! Can you help me find it?

See if you can find all the Diversity in this picture!

proximity-alert

when this:

Is right across from this:

                                     

woman in Montgomery MFA

"It's beautiful isn't it?

You look like an artist. Are you an artist?"

('I'm involved in the arts but i don't do this'.)

{as i am actively contemplating a trying some visual art and beginning a poetry project describing pieces as i see them}

simple style

"When did the aesthetic of stupidity become a thing?"

- from bruh on the corner in downtown Winston-Salem that one night I swung through the Festival

"There are no doors built in people's mouths."

(i.e.: people will talk)

- character from that Kengan anime

Shine service.

<iframe frameborder="0" height="200" scrolling="no" src="https://play.prx.org/e?uf=http:%2F%2Ffeeds.feedburner.com%2Fneighborspodcast&ge=prx_62_bd5759cd-be96-45d4-b688-9fa15ef41f0c&gs=_blank&wmode=opaque" width="100%"></iframe>

surprises & visibilities

I think I just saw a Subaru with Trump/Pence sticker for the first time ever.

In the shortest span I can recall, two people Saw me because of the bike.

("Long way from home")

("Nice bike, drive safe")

still i rise.

Lookout Mtn.

The Skyline Drive.

Mt. Greylock.

Mt. Washington.

next?

eight.

or

infinity standing up?

exhibitionist.

I am at MassMoCA* so much that the bruv at the admissions desk just asked "oh, hey, you going into the galleries" before handing me a pass and a lady at the snack bar asked if I work here.

Wondering more deeply about what led to the second one.

Hm.

*And, at some point, I guess I should talk about me relationship with the place

Every time I see someone duck-lipping towards a photographic device, I contemplate a benevolent felony. 

Not exploring all the dimensions a piece of art exists in is a waste time. That goes for artist, exhibitor and witness.

i think i am thinking that callbacks and unions do not result in art.

art behind glass is useless.

"Progress without pleasure at heart is not progress at all. But oleasure without progress in mind is destructive, deadening, or a bore."

- Paul Chan

appropriation

this is from 1937.

it is by a Romanian sculptor.

it is call "King of Kings".

its shapes are discernibly West/Central African.

what is appropriation?

when is appropriation?

who can be appropriated?

Quotes and sources from S&C July 4th Readings 7/4/2019

Frederick Douglass, Fourth of July oration, July 5, 1852

Frances Ellen Watkins Harper 1866 African American UU

Eleventh National Women's Rights Convention in New York City

Lucretia Mott, Harriet Eaton, Margaret Pryor, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and hundreds more women and men, Declaration of Sentiments, 1848

( the school chose 6)

• Every great dream begins with a dreamer.  Always remember, you have within you the strength, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. Harriet Tubman *

• We should indeed keep calm in the face of difference, and live our lives in a state of inclusion and wonder at the diversity of humanity.  George Takei, 2013

• We are not waiting to be saved, we are saving ourselves despite all odds. Women in rural communities and urban centers are rising up and taking decisive action to transform their own lives. Monica Ramirez

• Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me; I lift my lamp beside the golden door. Emma Lazarus*

• Be impeccable with your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. Don Miguel Ruiz

• People are beginning to realize, the doorman of the Stonewall Inn observed a few days after the riot, that no matter how 'nelly' or how 'fem' a homosexual is, you can only push them so far. Ann Baumann

• We the people, declare today that the most evident of truths – that all of us are created equal – is the star that guides us still, just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls and Selma and Stonewall. For if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. Barack Obama*

• When all Americans are treated as equal, no matter who they are or whom they love, we are all more free. Barack Obama*

• Every moment is an organizing opportunity, every person a potential activist, every minute a chance to change the world.  Dolores Huerta

• We do need women in civic life. We do need women to run for office, to be in political office. We need a feminist to be at the table when decisions are being made so that the right decisions will be made. Dolores Huerta*

• The greatest nations are defined by how they treat their weakest inhabitants. Jorge Ramos

• Life is a battle anyway. If we laugh and sing a little as we fight the f=good fight of freedom, it makes it all go easier. I will not allow my life's light to be determined by the darkness around me. Sojourner Truth*

• Strive for that greatness of spirit that measures life not by its disappointments but by its possibilities. WEB DuBois*

Race is a technology.

Quote from A HUMAN BEING, SORT OF.

freetyle. Or reclamation of the Atlantic (or the water between here and there)

I wish i knew how my ancestors taught their babies to swim.

or that I could remember.

The ability to speak objectively AND passionately...

hable

Last night I dreamed I was spoke...

well,

that I was more willing to use the small amount of Spanish I know to communicate.

195 KAYTRANADA

Check out 195 by KAYTRANADA on Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/albums/B017KP788E?trackAsin=B017KP7D84&ref=dm_sh_Eewb7siROvZdYhLFo2EJHiP89

Today I took my absolutely not fit for off-roading motorcycle off-roading.

We survived.

Not quite unscathed...(didn't stay cool, didn't back off for fear losing momentum and not concentrating on the trail I was on/worrying about the trail ahead/getting caught after dusk)...one drop...a few more scratches.

And now,

though In understood in theory before,

I really understand going off-road on a bike. 

and now I kinda want one.

Or, at least, the chance to ride one in October Mtn. State Reservation.

But not to replace my current bike. 

My big ol' girl has been SO good the past few days...

Maybe I'll just rent a mountain bike.

I also definitely get the appeal off-road electric bikes.

Go ride off.

Ride slow, ride gentle. Leave the trail as good or better than you found it.

Seriously.

Better than a roller coaster.

on the road.

again.

"I think it's my personal responsibility to pour scorn on this in a glib way."

- Richard Ayoade

homework

I am currently reading three books:

one on history and perception the anglo underclass in America

the autobiography of the current Dalai Lama

a workbook on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.


For some reason, the only one I seem inclined to read is the first.


I don't know if that's because the other two are, on varying levels about self-work.

and I'm lazy.


although, before I finished it, I was more inclined to read the Binti series...


I fully admit it might have to do with the comfort of escapism...

but I also have this thing about finishing prose. I think one of the reasons I used to not read is because I didn't like the time investment in following a novel through to the end.


 AND there was that short-attention-span/wondering focus thing that was once even worse than it is now.

  It is something I have already discovered, but I appear to be one of those that needs a hand held through therapy.


Moral:

if there is something you don't want to do, find something that is a more extreme degree of whatever you don't want to do, tell yourself you have to do THAT...then maybe you'll feel like doing the other thing.


And by "you",

i mean mE.




 

micdrop.

I am having a moment when I feel like I am floating around in the world, but am not part of it.

Hopefully, that will change when I work on a small project soon,

But my concern is the impermanence of the change as well as some fear that it will not go well to me*. I am having some... realization regarding my reaction to situations where people have high/er expectations of me... it's easy to be impressive when nobody sees it coming...(or that is some other thing I have yet to admit).

*I won't meet my expectations.

I want something to do, but I don't want a job.

I want to be seen/respected, but I despise hubris and fitting into expectations.

I want to be productive, but feel no real ambition toward anything.

as I am sure I've said before...(something something regressing).

too old

            to rhyme

                            too bad

                                         too late

word?

I don't know what my father was just improvising on his keyboard, or if it was improvising, 

but it sounded like Cameo.

respiration

You know that gasp that happens when a group of people are communally experiencing a story and  thing that they really , really hope is going to happen that they are suspicious but more hope might happen takes them still by surprise?

I just did that.

With a book.

I think it's the first time i have ever done that.

And the author did it BEAUTIFULLY.

(exhale)

(goes back to read page again)

edit:

Actually, I experienced a similar sensation the day before while watching an anime.

It was more relief, but it was still what I was hesitant to call the  feeling from the book: cathartic.

Interesting because neither was a conclusion.

Well, in the anime, it was toward the end of an episode.

"Last Hero". Give it a chance. Deep.


and Nnedi Okorafor is all up in my chest looking like Omi Osun Olowo.

Re:

"When you jump, it is not the height that matters, it is the space beneath you."

On Wed, May 15, 2019, 9:48 PM CWalkerJr <c.walker.jr@gmail.com> wrote:

"Movement is never mute, it is a language. It is a series of energetic shapes written in the air likenwords forming sentences. 

Like poems.

Like prayers."

- from Suspiria

"Movement is never mute, it is a language. It is a series of energetic shapes written in the air likenwords forming sentences. 

Like poems.

Like prayers."

- from Suspiria

"Delusion...is a lie that tells a truth."

- "Suspiria"

"it is better to be the head of a chicken than the tail of a bull".

- Toyo

Street Food 102

intensity

(coming out from the dark)

<a light so bright that it blinds through closed eyes>

"All people fear decisive, proud honor."

- Okwu the Meduse from BINTI

I am thinking something about singers and access/connection of the voice to the spirit and how many of the best actors were practiced singing at some point.

Is it that or is it both?

Poetry?

Speaking is communication of thought/idea

Singing is communication of emotion/spirit

communication vs. expression

aliens

easterbeast

I don't know what that is on its back.

objectivity

I don't know how to title this

So, I thought wrote something about grace, needing to move, a chance and getting it.

I may have put it elsewhere... I will look for it later.

For now,


I will say that tonight I went back to a place that I had hoped would be something new for me.

And it turned very painful.


And I have been reluctant to go back there due to reminders of that pain...


But I have gone back on a couple of occasions and it's been ok.


So I went back tonight.



And one of those reminders showed up.

YES, it was a person. Someone it didn't even occur to me that I would come across.

And it took me a second to recognize them. And I could see that they were recognizing me.


At the end of the event. This person came up and asked if I remembered them. I said yes.


They asked if I was "coming back".

Which I found interesting.

(I was a teacher. And this person did not do well in my class.)

And there were a few people like that, and I always wonder what coming across them again will be like.

And how genuine there cordiality is.

But the person asked. I believe I responded "I don't think so".

They then invited me to come back to another event on campus in a couple days.


And there was another student who recognized me before that who greeted me warmly.

(not that I ever had a problem with said person...but I never knew where I stood with a lot of the folk there)

And I left that building that represented so much pain for me feeling lighter.


yes.


Lighter.


and maybe less hurt.


(sigh)

easter.

"Guilt keeps them outside the arc of grace."