I am currently in a play

that I don't exactly like,
that I'm technically not supposed to be doing,
with a backstage that doesn't quite jibe with my personal philosophy
and a stage crew that is fairly non-existent,
(although, we found out this past weekend that things seem to happen better
with fewer people back there anyway),
in a space where I have to compete with weekend birthday parties,
(at what point will multi-use spaces start scheduling events so they don't interfere with
each other?),

but I look forward to it.

The play no longer feels like it takes 3 days to finish.
I actually seem to enjoy figuring out how to work around the audience participation.
(it's also nice to have been the one in the cast who knew what to expect from the Black Theatre Audience Experience).

I decided to try the after-school program and a gig at the same time to see if I could maintain the energy. I expected to learn more working with the kids. Well, to this point I feel like the most I've learned is that I may actually have the need to act that elder actors have spoken of. I think this is the first time I've ever been in the middle of a project - the beginning to me, really, since previews first started last week - and I'm already hungry to work after this project is over.

I've felt the need, but I never expected it to grow.

All this when I was very resigned to going back south - and comfortable in that resignation.

Being here requires justification. If you're not here and actively doing something, it wears on you.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to be one of those people who exist in New York just so they can act, be a part of the "community"; but I can't deny that is part of the draw.

Whenever I leave here, it will be one of the things I miss. Maybe I'll be fortunate enough to find it elsewhere. I'd want it to be born out of the creation of something that was necessary -

Not just because I missed having people clap.

(shrug)

[ramblerambleramble]