Tuesday, April 02, 2013

there is suddenly

so much happening right now.

 Today I heard a song that caused me to feel so much I was left speechless. I still feel different for having heard it. Some 12/13 hours later I have yet to listen to it or any other music....perhaps out of subconcious fear of being pulled out of somewhere I need to be, or a new place that I just want to be in.

 Thursday, I reached out to someone. Saturday I heard the voice of someone I've thought about nigh daily for 12 years for the first time in ... I can't even quite figure it now, but close to the same amount of time. The sound was jarring. Expecting something down-to-earth, soft yet pragmatic. I heard something matter-of-fact and urgent, immediate, pragmatism born of experience, indignant, hardened, hurt - a lot like what I've heard many times up here and thought "this is what this strange life does to you -- thiis is why I can't have a life from anyone raised in this... too hard, too much pain to beat up against,".

 Friday, I thought there was an inconvenient truth. Today, I understand that what needs to be is not scheduled according to my timeline.

 Sunday, I related to someone's pain. A little while ago I remembered that I once asked God to "make me a healer".

 Monday I asked a leading question....and today the respondent had already made it to the next step .

 A few weeks ago, I said something that I had to say to move on. And today I am here.


so, much is happening.

apparently, it really is spring.

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