Saturday, November 01, 2008


I have the unique and wonderful predicament of having a fickle attention span as well as a generally one track mind.

I can't multi-task for sh*t.

I am currently in a show that runs Wednesday to Sunday. Given the above, while I'm in a show, I am completely useless with regard to anything other than completing my performance duties on the day of a show. This is the case despite the fact that it is a series of one acts, of which I am in the first and can leave the thee-ay-tah after my roughly 15 minute performance is over.

So, that leaves me with two days of the week that I have to overcome my regular, non-arteestically weighted laziness to get anything done. Thus it was that this past Tuesday became the day I dedicated to getting my absentee ballots completed for the November 4th elections.

Given that I was voting in my home state and have not kept with the goings on of my home state, I was roughly clueless regarding all the voting issues other than the presidential election. Now, if it were anybody else, I'd take the position that one shouldn't be voting on issues of which one does not have a working knowledge. Since I NEVER take my own advice, I had to vote on them anyway. There's also the suspicion I have that not voting on everything would make my presidential ballot void...(political superstition). This is one of the many occasions that I consult the wisdom of the great-and-powerful Maternal Unit. The maternal unit was at work that day, however. I had to turn to my other bosom confidant - the internet.

So, I bared down and, in between (insert random distractions here) and having to flake on a movie, I managed to make my decisions on the various issues. Before I sealed my ballots with the glue of certainty*, I called the Matron herself to see what she had to say about the Senate candidates, as I had no patience to look through voting records and there were two independent knuckleheads on the ballot I couldn't find anything about.

Or that I was just too damned tired to find anything on.

She ran through the people and I settled on easy answer (a).

I can't remember what it was, but she asked me about something...and it was one of those things I rant on ad nauseum (long list that list of things is). As I was yammering, out of nowhere she asks,

When are you going to take a break for a while, and come down here and get a job somewhere, and help me with (my nephew)?

It caught me off guard. As I was about to ask why - or just tried to figure out something to say, she dismissed the question. It was a dismissal, though, that was mired in the sincerity of the previous.

But she let me off the hook. I took the opportunity to go completely to another topic. I yammered. She vented a little about my neph. She said she'd be sending something via e-mail and we got off the phone.

It seems like it must have been a year ago that I said to her that I was thinking of coming back home for a while to do what she had asked about - get a job and help with the kid. I guess it is because I'd made up my mind to that I was going to stay in NYC that her question seemed to come so much out of the blue.


I miss her. I miss them. When I was in grad school, I was thinking that I was missing an important part of his life. Lately, I've been thinking about how much I'm missing of my parents. In the way she asked the question, I can't help but think that she's thinking the same thing.

In four years, my mother will be the age her mother was when she died.

It is a stupid, insane sacrifice that some of us make to be up here doing this.

And right when it seemed I'd made up my mind about it...

I haven't booked a commercial of any kind since before I left to go home during the summer.

Maybe it's just time to go home.

So, I'm tired, but I can't go to sleep. If I sit anywhere that's quiet for any length of time, this is what I think about. Maybe this is what all of us from far away think about all the time. Maybe it's just me.

And, so, that's where the 2-3 tons you see me wearing comes from.


Such is life.

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