Monday, March 05, 2007

I feel like an ass.....

I'm tired of having to negotiate the complications of the male ego... interpersonal expectations/male-female dynamics.

I met a lesbisan couple tonight who've been together for over 30 years.

They just seem to fit each other. The were merely whatever the sense of the word was before it took on the euphamism of whatever it now euphamizes. They just seemed to be existing.

I wish I could just exist.

Without the physical urges influenced by the emotional need and the emotional urges controlled by the physical need of the emotion compounded by the desire....

I wish I could be this ideal, compassionate, infinitely sympathetic/empathetic->empathic being,

Who fed only off the fruit of new/additional existences.

The juice of the next individual humanity to come along.

The wine of intimate understanding of a mind.

Not some crazy sci-fi/fantasy-essence vamparism *ish.......

But one who is sustained by the sharing, the exchange.

Then maybe i could walk down the damn street without staring at asses,

and appreciate the bounty of each sentience I come across,

and not risk >>>>ing up the experience by >>>>ing them and then >>>>ing up their self-ness

by >>>>ing someone else.

(how does one shrug in Nederlands?)

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