A box fan in front of a space heater

is kind of an amazing thing.

It is an interesting thing

to be watching Train to Busan

and the Watchmen series,

with their themes of fear of affliction

and the afflicted

and how meek the previously confident

elite

can become in the face of a mortality

that they can't control

(or one of those moments that show the little-to-none they had anyway)

and of world-changing cataclysms

that served as the refocusing agent

some long asked (longed/prayed) for

and whether it will make a difference

Or

if it does, how long it will last

until the previous conceits and fetishes and dalliances

come back again

because memories die with their empires...

Sitting here, this way locking in, for word from a stranger to say,

"You're safe, go back to being essential,"

or

"We're so sorry. Do what you can. Good luck."

ta-nehisi's formula

all my Lfe
Id hrd blk ppl
tell thr
blk boys and blk girls
to be 2(x) as good
which is to say
accept .5 as much.

I am currently Reading Between the World and Me. I had an idea of what it was supposed to be, but it is not what I expected.

Anyway,

I just opened my library app to see if there is an audiobook available to check out. 

I see that there is someone waiting to read it.

That makes me feel good. 

better.

somehow.

pondering

Somethingsomething 'the threat of poetry is that it requires us/needs us (?) To think and feel.

And industrial capitalism (thinking something bigger, simpler, more-at-the-core) needs us to do neither'...

somethingsomething...

I'm thinking something about words and base meanings and emotions and the danger difficulty of denotion vs connotation of defining (feeling) with words.

How does one reliably and repeatedly convey emotion? And do we document emotion. What does "she was sad" mean and say?

Is emotion compatible with the past tense?

Can one talk about what was (a feeling) without what is (a feeling)?

How do we convey emotion without the feeler present?

THEY felt that then. WE didnt.

Why cant i have a pronoun general enough to refer to any possible person that is SINGULAR.

(growl)

from the low place

https://youtu.be/UyFMiDmwWK8 

this child is singing from somewhere down below the delta.

odd how none of the comments see that.

maybe they weren't listening.

does it take blues to know the blues is real?

(i) know.

rhetorical question.

I've been mean for a while but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few years.

I've been being even meaner this week.

which is hard because I've held it in and gone an a depression anger cycle.

which I thought I was off of.

and I guess I am.

because now I'm back to being my regular mean.

i'm tired of being mean. i would like not to be. at least not when not useful.

(sigh)

i probably need a puppy.

(but i'm afraid i'd be mean to - )

(sigh)

{inside tear}

"In the main we are different from other folks in that, when an impulse moves us, when we are caught in the throes of inspiration, when we are moved to better our lot, we do not ask ourselves: "Can we do it?" but: "Will they let us do it?" Before we black folk can move, we must first look into the white man's mind to see what is there, to see what he is thinking, and the white man's mind is a mind that is always changing."

     —Richard Wright, from 12 Million Black Voices

"democracy is anticapitalistic"

From "Education and Sociology: An Encyclopedia"

Dream where feeding stay kittens somehow attracts a young tiger/wildcat something/something?

(Watching Brooklyn Cats vids?)

"It's not easy is it? Admitting your weaknesses.

 But, no matter how long you fake it,

nothing will change."

{it's not easy admitting your weaknesses, but nothing will change until you do}

I miss mountains.

Why do we only get one month?

 

Maybe it's because you're supposed to use it to show the work you were supposed to be doing for the other eleven.

"feel" = sensation (input from the senses)

"feeling" = cognitive response to sensation

(or sense as sensed by 6th sense - as yet undefinable sensory organ?)

"When you're slow, you know you need to pay attention. It's the clever ones who never listen."

Un vive sans joie

(sigh)

I would like a mobile alternative to Google and Apple.

i really do.

"Massa's still trying to convince himself he picked cotton, too."

Daniel J. Watts

another one of those dreams

where I am a singer, but this time recognizing past as actor and telling story during a show about how my choice to move on wasn't about acting being wrong or sinful, but the wrong choice for me.


this after having a text exchange with someone asking what characters of the most well known playwright in English and deciding how to explain my current position on such.


which I call "theatre as a martial art"


which is about practice. a certain depth of work that everybody isn't always down for. that I don't "enjoy" doing it in the same way others "enjoy" it.


that I have to have very specific circumstances in order to be comfortable,

in order to be able to tell me self "relax",

so that I can dig deep into it.



because some of us like the depth,

but still need to learn the difference between that and strain...



so that parts of our brain that are used for memory can work.



or just accept out limitations with such.




(somethingsomehtingrmblerambelthismadesensebefore.....................


)

"I won't live to see 40...

... This nation is to sick."