I don't know how to title this

So, I thought wrote something about grace, needing to move, a chance and getting it.

I may have put it elsewhere... I will look for it later.

For now,


I will say that tonight I went back to a place that I had hoped would be something new for me.

And it turned very painful.


And I have been reluctant to go back there due to reminders of that pain...


But I have gone back on a couple of occasions and it's been ok.


So I went back tonight.



And one of those reminders showed up.

YES, it was a person. Someone it didn't even occur to me that I would come across.

And it took me a second to recognize them. And I could see that they were recognizing me.


At the end of the event. This person came up and asked if I remembered them. I said yes.


They asked if I was "coming back".

Which I found interesting.

(I was a teacher. And this person did not do well in my class.)

And there were a few people like that, and I always wonder what coming across them again will be like.

And how genuine there cordiality is.

But the person asked. I believe I responded "I don't think so".

They then invited me to come back to another event on campus in a couple days.


And there was another student who recognized me before that who greeted me warmly.

(not that I ever had a problem with said person...but I never knew where I stood with a lot of the folk there)

And I left that building that represented so much pain for me feeling lighter.


yes.


Lighter.


and maybe less hurt.


(sigh)

easter.

"Guilt keeps them outside the arc of grace."

Not co-habitating highlights the need of living communally in a community. 

We need each other because we're so damned afraid of each other.

babel

So, is the rule that you should always start by speaking the most common language of where you are, even if you have to eventually resort to what you are actually fluent in?

Or should you try to speak the language of what environment you are in?

Is it a diss to try someone else's language and fail..

Or is it a diss to not want to denigrate a language with a bad attempt?

Get it together.

hael

(aka: that day the sky fell)

"My father is no !onger sure of who I am. He wonders what else he doesn't know."

from the MONSTER.


(sealab)

(2021)


(episode...4?)

I hate the way

when one gets in the area around NYC where more people than not walk and ride instead of drive,

where people walking on the street are strangers first and foremost,

that people go out of their way to look

up

down

askance

askew

too avoid eye contact...

even when there really aren't that many people to pass by.

But I guess they've passed by a few thousand by the time they get to Union City.

Still...

(sigh)

progress

"I always get to where I am going by walking away from where I have been."

- Winnie T. Pooh

Give Me Your Best Shot - Kim-Dog Jr.

"Why don't you just let go,

and quiet down your ego."

first line of "Why Don't You"

by Cleo Sol

(heard on a day when frustration, anxiety and embarrassment came to a head in a grade school)

"the flaws of selfie culture"

http://www.cnn.com/style/article/amalia-ulman-instagram-excellences-perfections/

So Ira Alridge rewrote Aaron...

https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/blogs/mislike-me-not-my-complexion/

(sigh)

I am trying to get more comfortable letting my hair down around others, 

but I really don't like when people objectify my hair.

Which I guess it is.

But

(ew).

Christchurch mosque shooting: The faces of the victims

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12213358

radiation

For the first time I am in a house in a room with a wood-burning stove.

it never previously occurred that this would be something that appealed to me.

In fact I guess it didn't appeal to me.

Until that first night when I woke up really cold.

and it may have been something I was getting acclimated to since I've been chopping and stacking a lot of wood for somebody with a fireplace...

but since the second night and since it was already stuffed with paper and kindling and fuel for me to start it,

I look forward to when it's cool enough just start the fire.

Aside from discovering the difference in efficiency and utility between the stove and a decorative fireplace,

There's just something that helps settle one down about a fire in the evening

And something that gets one up about a fire in the morning.

Interesting that it works both ways...

But I do feel a little bit odd about burning all of my host's would up.

P.S.: this thing is really good at drying shoes if you can find a way to suspend them over the top of it without them touching it.

Kim-Dog Jr - Give Me Your Best

 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7IPc2IJAaidi9xTgI7v2cp?si=Fz3wCK0wQCKzav3474K67Q

 

 

if you love me youll right me some thing deep too this

That moment when you're working on (these $&##_ lines) and see a group of wild turkeys trotting, single-file through the snow in back of the house you're staying in for a few weeks.

#SometimesIGetToBeAnActor
#IWishIdComeUpHereWhenILivedInNewYork

As usual, I need help.

It takes me twice as long to do things as it should.

As generally unhelpful as the internet is at keeping me focused on a task that isn't exploiting several search engines and browsers,  I could spend a few monutes remebering what used to do the same before I had access to it.

Or cable, for that matter. 

My usually-cluttered room would serve as inspirstion for distraction...

And if there was a catalog available with a toy or electronics sections or pictures of pretty much anything that wasn't clothes,

I was highly unlikely to get any task that I was *supposed* to be doing finished.

Those catalogues included monochrome J.C. Whitney auto parts on that phone book paper that was just barely more durable than Kleenex and Radio Shack parts catalogs. 

Yes, I could spend hours fantasizing, daydreaming and coming up with some quite detailed and elaborate transforming mecha fictionalizations by looking at transistors, switches, LEDs, capacitors, project boxes, wires, cables, cable tubes, monitors....

so on/so forth. 

So I have to find the will to finish a week's worth of work in a few days.

Which wouldn't be so hard if I didn't tend to turn that into a week's worth in a couple days

and so on.

.and so forth

yeah.

...

.......

..

(sigh)

back to worK ->

MF DOOM - Sarsparilla

practice

your

verbs

.