hable

Last night I dreamed I was spoke...

well,

that I was more willing to use the small amount of Spanish I know to communicate.

195 KAYTRANADA

Check out 195 by KAYTRANADA on Amazon Music https://music.amazon.com/albums/B017KP788E?trackAsin=B017KP7D84&ref=dm_sh_Eewb7siROvZdYhLFo2EJHiP89

Today I took my absolutely not fit for off-roading motorcycle off-roading.

We survived.

Not quite unscathed...(didn't stay cool, didn't back off for fear losing momentum and not concentrating on the trail I was on/worrying about the trail ahead/getting caught after dusk)...one drop...a few more scratches.

And now,

though In understood in theory before,

I really understand going off-road on a bike. 

and now I kinda want one.

Or, at least, the chance to ride one in October Mtn. State Reservation.

But not to replace my current bike. 

My big ol' girl has been SO good the past few days...

Maybe I'll just rent a mountain bike.

I also definitely get the appeal off-road electric bikes.

Go ride off.

Ride slow, ride gentle. Leave the trail as good or better than you found it.

Seriously.

Better than a roller coaster.

on the road.

again.

"I think it's my personal responsibility to pour scorn on this in a glib way."

- Richard Ayoade

homework

I am currently reading three books:

one on history and perception the anglo underclass in America

the autobiography of the current Dalai Lama

a workbook on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.


For some reason, the only one I seem inclined to read is the first.


I don't know if that's because the other two are, on varying levels about self-work.

and I'm lazy.


although, before I finished it, I was more inclined to read the Binti series...


I fully admit it might have to do with the comfort of escapism...

but I also have this thing about finishing prose. I think one of the reasons I used to not read is because I didn't like the time investment in following a novel through to the end.


 AND there was that short-attention-span/wondering focus thing that was once even worse than it is now.

  It is something I have already discovered, but I appear to be one of those that needs a hand held through therapy.


Moral:

if there is something you don't want to do, find something that is a more extreme degree of whatever you don't want to do, tell yourself you have to do THAT...then maybe you'll feel like doing the other thing.


And by "you",

i mean mE.




 

micdrop.

I am having a moment when I feel like I am floating around in the world, but am not part of it.

Hopefully, that will change when I work on a small project soon,

But my concern is the impermanence of the change as well as some fear that it will not go well to me*. I am having some... realization regarding my reaction to situations where people have high/er expectations of me... it's easy to be impressive when nobody sees it coming...(or that is some other thing I have yet to admit).

*I won't meet my expectations.

I want something to do, but I don't want a job.

I want to be seen/respected, but I despise hubris and fitting into expectations.

I want to be productive, but feel no real ambition toward anything.

as I am sure I've said before...(something something regressing).

too old

            to rhyme

                            too bad

                                         too late

word?

I don't know what my father was just improvising on his keyboard, or if it was improvising, 

but it sounded like Cameo.

respiration

You know that gasp that happens when a group of people are communally experiencing a story and  thing that they really , really hope is going to happen that they are suspicious but more hope might happen takes them still by surprise?

I just did that.

With a book.

I think it's the first time i have ever done that.

And the author did it BEAUTIFULLY.

(exhale)

(goes back to read page again)

edit:

Actually, I experienced a similar sensation the day before while watching an anime.

It was more relief, but it was still what I was hesitant to call the  feeling from the book: cathartic.

Interesting because neither was a conclusion.

Well, in the anime, it was toward the end of an episode.

"Last Hero". Give it a chance. Deep.


and Nnedi Okorafor is all up in my chest looking like Omi Osun Olowo.

Re:

"When you jump, it is not the height that matters, it is the space beneath you."

On Wed, May 15, 2019, 9:48 PM CWalkerJr <c.walker.jr@gmail.com> wrote:

"Movement is never mute, it is a language. It is a series of energetic shapes written in the air likenwords forming sentences. 

Like poems.

Like prayers."

- from Suspiria

"Movement is never mute, it is a language. It is a series of energetic shapes written in the air likenwords forming sentences. 

Like poems.

Like prayers."

- from Suspiria

"Delusion...is a lie that tells a truth."

- "Suspiria"

"it is better to be the head of a chicken than the tail of a bull".

- Toyo

Street Food 102

intensity

(coming out from the dark)

<a light so bright that it blinds through closed eyes>

"All people fear decisive, proud honor."

- Okwu the Meduse from BINTI

I am thinking something about singers and access/connection of the voice to the spirit and how many of the best actors were practiced singing at some point.

Is it that or is it both?

Poetry?

Speaking is communication of thought/idea

Singing is communication of emotion/spirit

communication vs. expression

aliens

easterbeast

I don't know what that is on its back.

objectivity