I am having a moment when I feel like I am floating around in the world, but am not part of it.
Hopefully, that will change when I work on a small project soon,
But my concern is the impermanence of the change as well as some fear that it will not go well to me*. I am having some... realization regarding my reaction to situations where people have high/er expectations of me... it's easy to be impressive when nobody sees it coming...(or that is some other thing I have yet to admit).
*I won't meet my expectations.
I want something to do, but I don't want a job.
I want to be seen/respected, but I despise hubris and fitting into expectations.
I want to be productive, but feel no real ambition toward anything.
as I am sure I've said before...(something something regressing).
too old
to rhyme
too bad
too late
