(this space held)

 

man-with-child-that-does-not-look-like-me wearing a mask

  and clothes that would seem to indicate his rurality

(even among this general rurality)

   notice the presence of the child, then note that man seems to be gently* urging child's carefulness and      noting it's dueness to seeing my motorcycle

 

man's....audacity?....lack of hesitance to have boy come walk over to the bike....even encouraging leading it

    (or maybe he just wanted to look to)

 

me asking if child wants to sit/if it is ok for him to sit on

 

  guiding child around to "correct" side

 

(non-hot-exhaust side)

 

  man's again gentle urging for him to heed instruction, take help up

 

 child's heeding my instruction/joy at starting motor/drawn-in-lipped-O-face at revving

    me sensing time to go/seeing man's gentle nudge to get off

man's instruction to say "thank you

 

   man's introduction of sexualization/genderization

 

"you'll be able to get lots of twinkies with one of those"

 

  my understanding on second take and hesitant agreement 

(well, they have been known to attract people...although the people most attracted by it seem to be, in order: boychildren, dogs, children, menfolk)

    child saying as they walk away, "I made a new friend today"

the slight halt, softly disingenuous-seeming affirmative response of man to that.

not wanting to make a point out of the experience in this "climate of division".

thinking about how, recently, I notice how much I have shifted from that child who could befriend anyone.

how many of childhood friends could not/would not be now.

 

 

extracurricular

    so, you know, 

don't wait.

  I have become disappointed, dismayed, depressed, d-etc. at all the things I had determined to do this summer/year that I intended to do that the COVID incursion has incurzzzed upon...

  Even to the point of coming up with new! things that I hadn't thought of to intend to do this year that I feel like I can't do because (#stayhomeyafeckers!!).

 Which to somebodysomewhere is going to start looking like a familiar successful excuse acquisition.

  ain't I just useless?

 

    so, you know, 

don't wait.

 

Fwd:

A dream on a nap where i, for some reason, to a job working as an assistant at a clinic... Apparently thinking that they know my limits... Immediately getting in peril for not knowing what/where things are... Ended by being called in desperation to help with child not breathing, touching his chest, and him coming right back.

Assume this has something to do with search/concern for choosing health care for next year... But a calling...?

(bloodfeint)

--

Peace:
cW

I can't see anymore.

My body is changing.

It is not it's not all changing the same way.

There is the part that controls, that says "do this".

There is the part that says "you should do this".

There is the part that says "why do this".

There are the parts that do.

There are the parts that do so I can do.

And they are all changing.

Some are trying to do more.

Some seem to do progressively less.

Some seem to be acting - or want to act in last acts of desperation.

Some seem to want to keep acting as though they have all the time in the world.

Just now/before/hours ago I feel asleep reading a work of fiction. 

About an hour ago I woke up, somewhat, and my thoughts are able to move,

to dance,

back and forth,

limber,

the way I wish my body still could,

our the way it never has that I always wished;

the part called my mind feels like it can't do what it used to -

but out of sleep, just into waking, when I am able to paint it instead of push it,

it can/will still create and move and breathe and jump and skip 

something out of the nothing into everything

I wish I could say

or do

or leave

when I'm gone.

We time travel. 

We exist in the present.

We can remember and be in the past.

We can imagine and be in the future.

We can wonder and create what didn't happen.

We can wonder and create what won't happen.

We can change the future.

We can alter reality.

We can alter realities.

we don't need LSD.

(do we?)

The dark.

The quiet.

The soft non-tactility.

The sleep.

The limitation of sensory input allows...gives the mind...

frees the mind...

is the time the mind has to operate, to process, re-order, to shift,

to "play with"

all of the information, the stimulus, 

the input

it has received

to create order

to create chaos

to create reason

to create reasoning

to find the reasons

to move forward.

(with life).

****

(lastly)

All language

is language.

The difficulty of learning language is simply not believing that one can understand, that language is a thing that must be studied or learned to be understood. 

Humans communicate. Every time humans communicate, they create new language. There are no language barriers, just barriers to communication.

No message is ever perfect. No receiver ever gets a message exactly as a sender intends it. There is always interpretation. 

(interpolation?)

There is always translation. 

Understanding language is a process of assumption.

All communication is translation.

"Languages" are just proper-noun names for common assumptions.

Humans communicate.

Beings communicate. Understanding is always possible.

Desire to communicate.

search terms

"two men and two women, and four negroes"

system commands as magical incantations

programming language as ancient words

programming as sorcery

system engineers as sorcerers 

computer scientists as saints/angels

mathemticians as _ods?

It is not until some 9 (10?) years later that I realize that the title Jean Grae's mixtape COOKIES OR COMAS is a conditional threat.

(meaning I finally figured out the connection on the outro when she says the next mixtape will be called "Cake Or Death".)

 "...lets face it:

in the western world

a free Black cat 

is a bad nigger

...and he's in danger. "

james baldwin on mavis on four

Check out Moonless by Gabriel Garzón-Montano on Amazon Music

 

 

Moonless by Gabriel Garzón-Montano on Amazon Music
 
 

Watch "Safety Pin" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/fh_4VRuGbT4 

Watch "James Blake - Buzzard And Kestrel" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/Gtcs9t80Lxg 

Watch "Shigeto - Sky Of The Revolution" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/8_t34ltikTA 

Check out Little Girl / Breathe (Live) by Lalah Hathaway on Amazon Music

Check out Little Girl / Breathe (Live) by Lalah Hathaway on Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B015SJLYF2?trackAsin=B015SJMKR8&ref=dm_sh_dsjQrvdwaEpDVUHWO4IT8wCGD
 

Watch "Riding Dragons" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/DUV2kbQJYGI 

 Though I remember why I didn't - the feeling of inability, indecision and wariness from grad school,

but I do wish that I had spent the 00's acquiring certificates..or merely educational experience.

That I has allowed myself to by a novice at things and just learn about them.

Rather than feel like I had a degree and had to "do something with it".

Always be a student....no matter how many pieces of paper you have.

And do not force the necessity of acquiring pieces of paper upon yourself.

Learn a little bit. Learn over a long period of time. Learn as much is pleasing. 

Learn to learn it's ok to come back to a thing you FINALLY learned the point of that someone was trying to teach you that time in that class in that place....

OTHERNEWS:

if you have no sickle cells genes, you won't get sickle cell.

if you have two sickle cell genes, you will get sickle cell.

if you have one of each, you will have a natural resistance to malaria, because malaria don't like sickle cells.

(courtesy: HUMAN NATURE)

hard men

• Iron Age – Hesiod finds himself in the Iron Age. During this age, humans live an existence of toil and misery. Children dishonor their parents, brother fights with brother and the social contract between guest and host (xenia) is forgotten. During this age, might makes right, and bad men use lies to be thought good. At the height of this age, humans no longer feel shame or indignation at wrongdoing; babies will be born with gray hair and the gods will have completely forsaken humanity: "there will be no help against evil."