beat.

Today, just now, I played a djembe in my home for the first time.


Not the place where I sleep, but my home. The place I grew up in.


I played. And heard my father walk in. And he sat down with my back to him,


and said nothing.


And I worked my way. And he watched me find a rhythm.


And sat and said nothing.


And I began to sweat, and I began to commune,


And he laid down and closed his eyes and said nothing.


And I removed the muffle and found all the notes of the drum and found myself able to make Lati Oja* sing,


And he lay with his feet up,
on a love seat at least as old as me,

and he closed his eyes and communed and said nothing


And I heard a foot patting, and it helped me in rhythm,
and I beat harder,
and patting,
and I thought it might be clapping,
and it became stomping,
and I thought it might be him
but my sister had come into the room.

And she began dancing the dances,

(and it may have seemed in jest,

even so - there is always some Truth in jest,

and feet dancing in spirit always step true)

And I played with right eye closed
to keep the collected sweat resting
precariously on that eyelash that
my hands were too involved to brush.

 
And we communed.


And she left.

And I got up and looked at him, peaceful.

And I walked upstairs,

And I began to type,

so I wouldn't forget..

the first time

he and I

had ever.


Communed.





(*Lati Oja is the drum)

go coogs.

The moment when, while stopped in Salem, VA,

you notice the Muslim woman playing with children next an RV..

And notice somebody praying in front of it, obscured from the view of the street.

Goings & Comings

Oh,

that glorious moment...

when,

after a Iifetime of stabbing attempts long ago left behind...

you get an inkling...

and realize!!


Realize:


that you finally figure out how to yo-yo.

hakon kornstad - "dwell time"

"Dust Kittens" - Eivind Aarset

"Sorrow" - Shadowed Doubt

"This is a war for the soul of Islam."


 - Bernie Sanders

Paris

Forgive me for any repetition...



But I have officially reached the point in my life where I don't know what to do. Had I been born ten or fifteen years later, I might still have some fight left.

As it stands, I simply have no idea what to suggest to address, nor reasons why people decide that wanton violence will achieve their aims.


Or maybe it's just too close right now.

My point of view on "terrorism" has been that if you get all these people willing to commit suicide in order to strike out at seemingly larger groups political and economic power, they would suddenly stop being so willing to strap on explosives with dead man's triggers...


And I imagine, if I take enough deep breaths, I would say the same about whoever is involved in these most recent attacks...

But there's something about it that seems too burdensome to ponder. Much like 9/11, I am avoiding news sources because I assume I am going to hear more about it.

And hear more about all of the ridiculous posturing that will take place in its name that really has nothing to do with it.


I will begin to think that the political prattling is all show, subterfuge and manipulation,

but I then start thinking that maybe the people responsible for the deceit actually believe it...and I can't tell which prospect is more dire.


But I have reached that point in my life where I realize why my parent's generation tended to not feel like dealing with it when I was younger,

because I just don't feel like dealing with it now.



Remind me to say something later about the lingering effects of global colonialism and the difference between Buddhist immolation and radical middle eastern self-detonation.



(sigh)

Puddles Pity Party - Viva La Vida (Coldplay cover)

Puddles the Sad Clown continues to bring clarity and depth to pop music.



I pray he never gets popular so I can keep liking him.

I feel like I shouldn't have laughed at this.

Nevertheless,

I did.

Work.

A couple weeks ago I turned down an audition because the character seemed....stereotypical,


and a job because it was below rate,



and I just emailed my manager that I'm not interested in doing a soft drink commercial and included why.



I should probably find a new job.




Is there something I can do where I get paid to be self-righteous?



Hm.




MSNBCFauxNews here I come.

excuse.

"I'm not doing (the Austin Half Marathon)...

I was going to do it, and then I went to a bunch of doctors who basically called me the medical equivalent of a f*cking idiot."

Zach Anner

:-)

"Please quit if you:

1. have no ideas
2. always rely on others
3. shirk responsibility
4. lack enthusiasm"

from a sign at Studio Ghibli

courtesy The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness

Let You Go

- River Tiber

:-/