i need an ear.
an objective ear.
a silent, objective ear.
and i need a unsparing voice to fill it with.
and hours, days, weeks of time and stamina for them both
(the formula for stamina certainly includes a time variable, yes?)
i need a seductive, hypnotic, coercive, convincive, safe ear
that can pull out all of the truth that i will and won't say that keeps beating against what feels like my diaphragm with what feels like wooden gorge
so i can feel like the it's right
because it's all right
and not just the part my voice allows me to remember.