It's may 18, 2026 2:32pm.

I just told myself "I'm sorry," for the first time. 

There is a full-on, recorded-music-backed busker in the WM parking lot in this southern, semi-rural (surrounded by rural) town.

That concept fascinates me. 

Semirandom

I'm not ok.

This is not new. I haven't said it here. I realized i wasn't ok om sept of 23.

I have recently begun a process of,  what I guess, is me trying yo be ok.

This involved me telling the truth and inviting certain ppl to inquire about truths they have wanted from me. 

Seemed like a good ideaNow not so much.

Or msybe hsrd work is hard work.

I told these things to someone last night.

I woke up an hour-ish ago not feeling great...sore/crampy in some places...not of a renewed spirit. 

I think I may saying some big goodbyes.

This includes The One that I never have...or maybe felt I hot the opportunity to.

To say goodbye with/from the heart...

To spend weeks trying to decide/figure what to say...

(it probably isn't helpful to start thinking of MJ's "___'s Out of My Life" here) 

{Or maybe it is perfect..}

or maybe i just need to get up and take a shower. 

Buggin' Out

 it took about 35 years of listening for me to notice that Phife, on each verse, is alternating between two definitions of "bugging out",

 

 and that his second verse (#3 of the song) is rumination on mental health.

 

 i miss Phife. i miss Dave. i miss my cousins.

 

 happy Mental Health Awareness Month.

 

 

 

I miss taking the ferry,

including the various ways one can take a ferry.

when I lived in That Place, 

people used to offer 

"having to take a boat"

as a disadvantage.

There were times when I would 

have 

liked

to live closer to those I typically communed with,

but the ferry was its own kind of communality.

(I wonder why they never thought to put a grocery store in the terminal...)

Ferry is truth.

{just get there early enough to avoid the drunk boat}