"stigma

is an exercise in power."

(nyt story) 

 i give up.

"If you were mine

I wouldn't want to go

to heaven.

"

i don't want to go to sleep. 

Possums Popcorn - Stan Forbee

 

If you want your relationship with someone to deepen,

 

 write them letters.

 

 even if you see them everyday. 

 

 phone calls can seem like enough, 

 

but letters do something different - 

 

they allow you time to think,

them time to digest,

and you have a record that is that little bit less subject to the filter of your diaphanous memory.

 

(because memories are like trying to watch what happened through very thin cloth...that bunches when the wind blows) 

 

 

write letters. for them and you.

 

 consider keeping a copy for yourself

 

or, 

you can choose,

 

to 

entrust them

with 

 

your memory. 

the end

{this was originally written 4 days ago (monday?), but I never sent it. I am sending it now in anticipation of saying a thing to a person..maybe. I will likely edit/proof this later.} 

I don't usually put things this personal here. Not anymore.

I may move it later.

February of 2001 was the last time i was truly happy and had hope. And saw a future.

There was someone i loved and didn't, apparently tell them...

(this feels like too much to say again)

Almost a month ago, i looked at some pictures, and it floored me...'feeling of overwhelming loss'. 

'flood of emotion'

And i wanted desperately to cry. a flood of tears. But only moisture came out. 

And it opened up connection to emotions that i cut/have been cut off from for a while,

But i didn't understand what i was feeling, if it was real

'

And i went searching for answers in old mesaages and letters. For weeks. I found something last week i wrote to myself. 

Last Friday... (Thursday night) i went looking somewhere i had already. I found a letter in an email. It was the thing for which i'd written to myself. It was a letter to someone who...

who i wanted to marry. and lost..

starting from (friday?) I'd been trying to read it. I spent a couple days (ithink) on the first page. That page was an explanation/a content warning. 

I don't know if i ever sent it. 

Today is Monday. It is morning. I finally finished it.

Maybe not quite as intense - but again...

I am so sorrowful for that person who missed what was already a second chance because he wasn't sure or ready and was distracted or scared and didnt seek help and didnt ask what he should do.

I thought abt a friend and his partner, and how much he loves her.

I thought about what it would be like to read him this letter and then ask him to tell his partner he loves her.

Because that is the closest i could come. And sorrow was there, and some water came..

This is full of holes. This process was supposed to be about filling them. 

I havr been trying to figure out what it is i need to say; what it is I want to know.

I want to know when was the moment I lost... that chance

for the last time. 

I waa going to offer this person those pictures. They are of them. I dont know if i should...if can keep them. I'm trying to figure out if it is just a ploy to see if that person...if they mean anything to them.

If they don't care, it's easier to say goodbye, maybe. 

Peace:
cW

jumper.

I just arrived at a health clinic for a dental checkup and this is one of those clinics that accepts federal funds.

(i.e.: public assistance)

As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a sheriff's vehicle, which I found odd. It had occurred to me that I had never seen a law enforcement officer at any kind at one of these facilities. 

I wondered if there's a possibility that they were here on the lookout for or trying to apprehend a person for the sake of ICE.

As I continued into the parking lot, I looked over and noticed that an officer had come out to the vehicle but not the driver's side. Then I saw why he was here. He helped a tall, slender, young male out wearing a red jumpsuit, shackled and chained.

It seems a shame that they couldn't at least offer him the dignity of not injuring through the front door.

..... 

It's may 18, 2026 2:32pm.

I just told myself "I'm sorry," for the first time. 

There is a full-on, recorded-music-backed busker in the WM parking lot in this southern, semi-rural (surrounded by rural) town.

That concept fascinates me. 

Semirandom

I'm not ok.

This is not new. I haven't said it here. I realized i wasn't ok om sept of 23.

I have recently begun a process of,  what I guess, is me trying yo be ok.

This involved me telling the truth and inviting certain ppl to inquire about truths they have wanted from me. 

Seemed like a good ideaNow not so much.

Or msybe hsrd work is hard work.

I told these things to someone last night.

I woke up an hour-ish ago not feeling great...sore/crampy in some places...not of a renewed spirit. 

I think I may saying some big goodbyes.

This includes The One that I never have...or maybe felt I hot the opportunity to.

To say goodbye with/from the heart...

To spend weeks trying to decide/figure what to say...

(it probably isn't helpful to start thinking of MJ's "___'s Out of My Life" here) 

{Or maybe it is perfect..}

or maybe i just need to get up and take a shower. 

Buggin' Out

 it took about 35 years of listening for me to notice that Phife, on each verse, is alternating between two definitions of "bugging out",

 

 and that his second verse (#3 of the song) is rumination on mental health.

 

 i miss Phife. i miss Dave. i miss my cousins.

 

 happy Mental Health Awareness Month.

 

 

 

I miss taking the ferry,

including the various ways one can take a ferry.

when I lived in That Place, 

people used to offer 

"having to take a boat"

as a disadvantage.

There were times when I would 

have 

liked

to live closer to those I typically communed with,

but the ferry was its own kind of communality.

(I wonder why they never thought to put a grocery store in the terminal...)

Ferry is truth.

{just get there early enough to avoid the drunk boat}

mousse

I have been thinking about mice getting into the house.

So, yesterday, i dreamed a dream about mice getting into the house 

the end. 

" I guess I feel anxious in the sense that I don’t have too much going for me anymore.

I used to be kind of cute. In fact, I was pretty for a little too long, you know? It was a curse because it meant that I hadn’t developed as fully as I should have. My best friend from college was in the same position and we helped each other become serious. "

 

- "Both Sides Now: In Conversation With Lorraine O’Grady" , NY Times

 

note to self from the past:

 party shots indoors low ceiling: 500 IS0, on camera flash with a diffuser attached seems to work well for working hand-held.

 

  

(sigh)

Please.

Come get your cats.

brittle

I am constantly getting scrapes on my shins now. I have no idea when they happen. I'm starting to think the skin is so dry/stiff there now that they just randomly open up if I move too much. 

I drink water, fair amount of green tea.

(shrug)

(for the previous)

....or maybe it's just Spring. 

elevation

I'm unsure why, but I feel slightly high/giddy (?) today.

Some sensation or...palpable metaphorical (warmth?) from under my sternum...

I don't know why. 

Lastnight spoke to Brother-in-arts...he seemed to approve part of my decision to (try to) reach out to elders I haven't seen in

decades...despite having been back close to them for decades. 

maybe part of a broader relaxation.  /decision

I think I also felt this somethingish yesterday after some exercise.. in the sun.....

some feeling of doing the right thing/making the right choice

after dwelling on the personal determination that so many 

(all?)

have been bad since - 

<hm.>

since I've been allowed to make decisions ? 

 

decades are a blink.  i think i feel like we should get more time. ___

[in

..

aooooouuuuuuuuuuut....] 

cost

i feel like i have spent a lot of emotional energy over the past week.

i fell off my motorcycle

well, down

with it.

(tweaked knee, had knee checked. knee is ok)

bikeknee is part of it, but not it.

looking at old things...helpful in some ways....

had an     affect.    affects.         

some feels.   much feels     big

some perspective         sseemed like some forgiveness        sometimes

but    maybe read too much

too long       too late

too late

tired

tired

(tried?)

poor little heart scattered in too many places

*too obtuse to get old references

and i wish google ai would stop trying to fix this.

I just got a scam email written as a PSA about scam emails.

(sigh)

Earth needs an enema. 

i shouldn't have looked those pictures

Writhing 

Shuddering

wishing i cld crawl out of my own skin

missing

not recognizing 

wishing you wld call

        or you

or you

            or you

or y

Rebbie

It is at this point in history that I have listened to Rebbie Jackson's album Centipede for the first time.

And it is also the first time that I understand for what "centipede" is a maetaphor in the song "Centipede".

Amazingly, almost the whole album is like that.

I just took a bite of a slice of fresh cucumber with some Tony Chachere's on it and had just the slightest impulse to moonwalk.

Just a little bit.

"The opposite of faith

isn't doubt, it's certainty. "

- Friar Tony Doherty

A word that I didn't know was a word, but likely would have compounded at some point:

magniloquent

#ThanksWEB

I scream

Until a few moments ago, I'd not realized that "creamsicle" is a portmanteau of "ice cream" and "popsicle", as that product is a combination of the same.

Sugar is still the devil.

aspiration

i just learned/remembered that i have reached the point in life where I can no longer wake up/eat/immediately lay back down again.

Thanks, weak esophageal sphincter! 

Cats hate fireworks

and I think I agree. 

'like sifting sand through a screen,

we sift people. If you had not been able to control your impulses, like an animal, we could not let you live. You inherit too much power.'

(Dune)

Traveling to mars

(Placeholder)

"In captivity...

...one must keep one's mind active, but not too active."

(pantheon202)

bite

I recently had a dental cleaning. A month prior to that I had an exam over a concern for gum recession. I have a lingering concern about a capped tooth that doesn't fit correctly by my judgement.

It took me a while to get the appointment because:

I currently use the insurance of the un-riche.

I prefer to go to private offices rather than "community health centers" (which, though they sound public, aren't).

Some anxiety over wanting to go to a different provider than the one who did the cap...

And likely other things.

Last overnight, I dreamed I spontaneously lost (at least) four teeth (and gum tissue).

I wonder at the connection...but I am not convinced there directly is one...or what my self is trying to use previous angst to tell me about ongoing anxiety.

And now I am wondering about the similarity of those two "a" words.

https://youtu.be/FqnYuKAgkUM?feature=shared

sufferage

I feel like chapter 25 of  DuBois' "The Silver Fleece" explains a lot.

Closed circuit

i just tried to play a series of brain exercise games.

And i noticed difficulty following fast moving objects or tracking more than one.

And i noticed i was holding my breath when I couldn't  track or understand the game

And my anxiety increased when i heard the "wrong answer" sound

And trying to breathe more deeply/with more intention didn't help

And several wrongs in a row caused a feeling in my ...solar plexus?

A not-good(?) tingling (?)

it's hard to deal with conflict

and it's hard to deal with duplicity 

And it's hard to deal with failure 

with losing

and there's a feeling like nausea 

except for the soul

                   the self

I'm going to lose 

I'm going to lose

                              it.

it hurts. 

I'm hurt

I was hurt

I'm  tired

I want to go home

I have no home

I have to shut my eyes 

I covered my eyes 

I had to stop

I had to put it down

I had to stop

I put it down...and closed my eyes...and my breath came back to me.

I just sighed. 

I am going to play something different now.

:-|

Please. Leave me alone.

Please,

leave me alone.

Please:

leave me alone.

Please -

leave me alone.

Please;

leave me alone.

PleaseLeaveMeAlonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemea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emealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealoneplease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I have reached the point in my life where James Earl Jones and Frankie Beverly are no longer here...

And I don't know what to do with that.

Listen to: Summer camp capitalism

Listen to: Summer camp capitalism - https://one.npr.org/i/1197961641:1258418814 

 hqppy birthday, gwen.

froidian

I am taking an indefinite leave from my position as an amateur therapist/counselor.

I will also not be writing any recommendation, letter or otherwise.

shut - Tate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6LOt-YPnpk

Poet ai

https://pfx.vpixl.com/6qj4J/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/chtbl.com/track/8DB4DB/pdst.fm/e/nyt.simplecastaudio.com/bbbcc290-ed3b-44a2-8e5d-5513e38cfe20/episodes/ee3ed3fd-519a-4405-8ffa-b953b4614d70/audio/128/default.mp3?awCollectionId=bbbcc290-ed3b-44a2-8e5d-5513e38cfe20&awEpisodeId=ee3ed3fd-519a-4405-8ffa-b953b4614d70 

Vision

On this day about 30 minutes ago, I realize that my impaired vision has decided to trade Chris biopia for nearsightedness. It would have been helpful had this discovery not been made while driving. Welcome to the world today.

Don Randi - "The Fox"

or love theme from R & J

or something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o0rs2IMo5s

You And Whoz Cru by Unforscene

I'm listening to  on SomaFM http://somafm.com/gsclassic 

I'm listening to Jazzy (from the Recycle or Die compilation) by Stevie B-Zet on SomaFM http://somafm.com/gsclassic 

Tenno - Eternal Beauty

https://youtu.be/ut2jNUt4k_Y

subspace

I just became 'emotional' listening to Intergalactic.

I was about to say it's the first time I've listened to it in headphones...I don't think it is. Maybe it isn't.

I was imagining what it would be like to do a pro wrestling chaos ring entry to it.

The intro is amazing.

The house smells like somebody's deep fried something and feels like it will continue to do so for months.

I wish we would stop doing bad things ourselves with someone else's food.

Related: it took me a few listens while on the bike to get it*, but "I'm the king of Boggle, there is none higher" is one of the greatest lyrics in English.

(*Thought it was "Scrabble"...which would have been merely excellent)

"trapped in a dream of endless options"

-from 'Pluto'

Sustain (Funkstorung remix) by Lusine ICL on SomaFM http://somafm.com/defcon 

The 2023 Comedy Wildlife Photo winners – naturally, they're a hoot

https://newatlas.com/photography/2023-comedy-wildlife-photo-winners/



Sent from Proton Mail mobile

warning

My mother is currently wearing a shirt that says "Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to put the bodies" while making at least 8 sweet potato pies.

I'm listening to The Pilgrim by Unforscene on SomaFM http://somafm.com/gsclassic 

missing time.

I thought today was Saturday.

Dream

I don't know how I ended up dreaming about LIGHTYEAR, mixed with For all mankind, I but I was thinking about FAM earlier. Animated buzz, but his partner was live - moon base laby commander from FAM...felt like recap of LY except with her? Colony ship gets attacked? She has to hide? Only slept 2+hrs.

dream

last night dreamt I was passenger in a car at night. when car goth high beams on came behind.

made sign for them to turn down and they took it as a threat and flashed weapon.

rest of dream deciding to report

gold grand marquis with 6 ppl on it... 6 digit license plate

dunno why. not pleasant.

D re am to d ay

Had dream abt cats.. Odd because the  grey wolf was in it.

Looked like.. San fran? Outside. 

Cat jumps on my back while I'm talking to someone. 

Realize it's grey. Go to apt nearby I've delivered to (don't know why) .. He's on head.  While there landlord comes up, then tennant comes out

Then LL has removed steps. 

I ask how are we to get down.

Suddenly we are moving... Whole stairwell as a unit.. Like a box... Elevator car...as if lifted by crane. 

It is front loader with fork attachment

Taken to... Subway stop? 

Dropped

Was not in traveling clothes 

Thai fishers, baja jacket.. Things don't match 

greywolfbear remains on head whole time, unmoved

Instead of placed on ground.. Taken to  

Ross Gay

'to achieve humanity, you i have to share delight'

- (paraphrase) 

short

I wish

   when I was forming 

that thered have been someone there to tell me

that my interests are 

words

                 and 

behavior 

Com Truise - Forgive

Sorrow - Art Is Dead

Something about linear age

vs practical age vs perceived age vs (some word that begins with c age)

... age changes by the amount we've  lived minus the AMT of time we no longer remember 

beady Belle - partypooper

We’ve always been distracted 

"it is solely by risking one's life that freedom is attained"

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/97608-it-is-solely-by-risking-life-that-freedom-is-obtained

Portland non liberal past

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-53996159

diffidence -

Modesty or shyness resulting from a lack of confidence.

I posit that there is a point at which a (_ _ _) wants to be heard and understood rather than humores, regardless of affection involved.

In 'Animal Joy,' Nuar Alsadir explores the nature of laughter  https://www.npr.org/2022/08/16/1116711441/animal-joy-poetry-nuar-alsadir

Watch "I Got Some Help I Don't Need (Single Edit)" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/NooJiT3vE9o 

Gordita de huevos...

 ...is, simply put, The Truth.

hb2m

Optical Substance - Adaptation

"Ken Boothe - Satisfaction"

Move.

Fresh Moods - Orfine No. 6 (Album 2016)

 

the Truth can hurt

when it is a treatment for a cancerous lie,

that has been eating away at your soul for a lifetime,

and you didn't know

THAT was the source 

of your pain all along.

the Truth is a healer.

(creatorcontroller)makemeahealer

{butbecarefulwhatIaskfor}

Lenny Williams - Cause I Love You (Live)

" The misperception of communication on this planet is that it has taken place."

The Man Who Fell to Earth  ep103

"Feelings are too big for words."

The Umbrella Academy season 3 ep 10

Kottamonga - Quant

 

"Make a home for yourself in others,

and you will find joy more than sadness."

 

The Pitt team didn't think the primary motor cortex would control the adrenal medulla at all. But there are a whole lot of neurons there that do. And when you look at where those neurons are located, most are in the axial muscle part of that cortex.

“Something about axial control has an impact on stress responses,” Strick reasons. 

 

Why One Neuroscientist Started Blasting His Core

An anatomical understanding of how movement controls the body’s stress response system

 

Leyes

Introvert - SVMMsR SVN vol. 2

Bop - Blurred Memories (feat. Synkro)

"The ghosts know who they can frighten."

Watch "Natural hair struggles? Not anymore for these young girls | Nancy's Workshop" on YouTube

"It's better to cry. There's more room outside than in."

https://youtu.be/V73gnxcyzIQ 

'there are more trees on the surface of our planet than stars in the galaxy (4 trillion?)'

"NOVA: Can We Cool the Planet?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhOF3ZE0498
--

Peace:
cW

meme

I am sitting here reading, for the first time in almost-if-not 20 years what was, I think, the first play* I did completely outside of school (or through school affiliation).

I am reading it because I have assigned part of it for a class.

It's odd to feel the much nostalgia for something that didnt happen when I was a child...20-year-nostlagia.

Hm.

Call Super - SE [Houndstooth]

Tony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAXcqOZm_wI 

Snarky Puppy feat. Salif Keïta, Carlos Malta, & Bernardo Aguiar - "Soro" (Family Dinner Volume Two)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCCnGtJdj28 

Islands In The Rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZAgb7RYvNE 

Joe Sample-Fly With the Wings of Love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_wFNceE27M 

"Exhilaration enhances the absorption of knowledge."

Spock from a memoir of his time in Starfleet Academy.

Mehliana - You Can't Go Back Now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksCmBG1nPkU 

Big Titty Monster

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXfG9ERFzHE 

Erm...

Sing to the Moon - Snarky Puppy

the horns...