Yeah. Pretty much. Life.

(all enjoyable; referring to 11:06 specifically)

I'm just slightly embarrassed that my common though not constant attitude toward sex has been so succinctly summarized without my input.

Amy Farah Fowler

Dream that

I got some kind of mange that was swiftly turning my face/head hair white.

Causing me to like like a b/w Wookie/wolfman.

The beast doth make the world tremble and yawn.

cWj

More from Arjun

"where there is truth, there is victory"

From "Arjun"

"Focus on your task and fear will take care of itself."


cWj

I dreamed last night

That I had a job driving a van that involved parking on a college campus....and I parked my car (the Galant) in a parking garage and had to ask co-worker to come help me find it.

One wonders if this had anything to do with someone last night asking about my car getting towed.

Night before last I had a very short dream that consisted of me going outside and my car not being where I left it.

This place is making me old and crazy.

An Abbreviated Converstation with HP Support

(me): I have an out of warranty device that's bricked. I've tried all the un-bricking methods you offer. How much would it cost to repair the unit?

(they): We're sorry that you are having an issue, please try {all the same stuff he already said he tried}. As your device is outside of the one-year warranty period, the charge for replacing it will be of $385. If you wish to go ahead and process the repair, please contact us again by replying to this email.

(me): Let me get this straight....your were {badgrammar spawned of incredulity} selling this EXACT SAME device for $149.99 BRAND NEW. And it will cost *$385* to replace??

(they): Unfortunately yes, HP has determined that the repair cost of this unit is of $385 dollars. I'm sorry we cannot provide an {badgrammar caused by employment at an ineffectively run corporation} specific reason why HP closed the repair cost at this value. We understand that it is high based in the final price that you have payed. Sadly, there are no discounts or exceptions that we can apply. At the same time, HP is no longer selling extended warranties for webOS devices

(me):  :-|

Mcgullets

I am currently fighting the urge to go get a 20 piece. I blame Burger King.

It may have actually been a decade since I've eaten an McNugget.

Trying to keep it that way.

re: "time"

"Time, you can't see it, you can't weigh it, you can't measure in a laboratory... It's a subjective sense of becoming what we are/will become..."

"Clocks measure time -"

"No, they measure themselves. The objective measure of a clock is another clock."

from The Man from Earth

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAT.

and wheezy.

and easily cramped.

Fresh Moods - Rhythmbreeze

Air - You Can Tell IT to Everybody

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2JocxBaGpE

Okay, there is positively nothing I can say about "The Message" that hasn't been said. The world (me included) absolutely froze in its tracks the week it debuted on radio in June of '82. Hip-hop was once known as party fodder, a fad. "The Message" pulled a 180 and proved it could be a tool of sociopolitical change. Being 11, I was as sheltered as sheltered could get. My cousin had to translate all the street terms and jail talk I had never heard before. (I saw nothing wrong with being a "pip" – they danced real good for Gladys! I just had trouble figuring out why a young girl would need one to make it in the streets.) Even my father had to confess he liked it better than that "hippidy hoppidy" song. And when the last minute of the song came on, my dad saw fit that we should have "the talk." Ah yes, "the talk." The one he's been giving me every year of my life. The rules of safety and survival – not with the streets, but with cops. You just gotta understand that the average black man walks around assuming that most people think he's guilty. So the need to make people feel at ease has been instilled in us at an early age. "If a cop addresses you on the street, you are to address him in clear English with 'Yes, sir.' Any movement made must be sllllloooooooowwww. This is to ensure you do not get shot 'by accident.' Do not run in the neighborhood, because that's suspicious..."

I'm sorry, y'all. As I'm typing this, I'm shaking my head – because on one hand, it's so degrading to see these words and it's so emasculating to abide by them. Then I think about the night a few years ago when I got frisked on the hood of the car and then placed in a cop car while they searched for whatever it was they were looking for, and I kept praying they wouldn't figure out how to open the trunk, because there was no way in hell they'd believe I was the owner of a deluxe Scrabble game and a bunch of psychology books from Borders. They told me there was high theft of mini-coops from the dealership I just happened to be parked at, unaware. I told them the irony was, I had pulled over to take a phone call since it was against the law to talk and drive. Of course, driving that type of car in Orange County left me wide open. It was Super Tuesday in 2008, and I was campaigning before the Grammys. I just kept thinking, "Wow, I broke Dad's promise not to ever be a part of this cliche of a scene just like the last minute of 'The Message.'"

I answered questions as best I could, which was working against me because my natural proper English could be seen as "uppity." Add four cops to the mix who are asking questions like "Assistant?" "Your office?" They must have thought we were all quick-thinking Axel Foleys who can double-talk their way out of being arrested. Eventually I was let go when the rental service verified me as the renter. I drove back to my Beverly Hills hotel livid and angry and helpless and about to lose my head. It is like a jungle, still.

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/questloves-top-50-hip-hop-songs-of-all-time-20121217/grandmaster-flash-the-furious-five-the-message-1982-19691231#ixzz2FwiqDcOR 
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Beastie Boys - "Hold It, Now Hit It" (acapulco)

I am, frankly, amazed at how much better this is without the track.

too good for facebook

from chron.com:

Razqia Al Tuma, from Iraq, and Brayan Rodriguez, from Honduras, compete to answer a question during a vocabulary lesson in the 'self-contained' class at Las Americas Middle School on Thursday, April 12, 2012, in southwest Houston. The self contained class is an elementary style class that helps students acclimate to the U.S. school system for those who have never been to school in their own country or have significant gaps in their schooling.

PHOTO BY MAYRA BELTRAN/HOUSTON CHRONICLE

Universal ass-whoopin

There are several postings I should have made over the past year and change that I haven't. I can sum them up this way: The Universe has had its existential foot in my ass and I think I asked for it.

It started after getting back onto the stage after a roughly two-year absence. I'd previously come to the conclusion that lack of humility is the greatest enemy to potential, that I hadn't been humble, that I was willing to take any part in a piece - including not being on stage - in order to be a part of a production. I auditioned for a Shakespeare piece and was offered a much larger role than I expected. I tried taking more responsibility in it than I had before (union deputy). I finished the run confident that I'd done some good work, but far from perfect, and believing I had and understanding and more confidence in what my particular skill set is.

Soon after it, I auditioned for two more pieces. The first, I didn't put nearly the work into. I thought I "knew" what was being looked for. I didn't even get a callback. I attributed it to that same hubris.
I asked God to humble me.

There was another play...this time I was offered it, but turned it down in order to work. Mind, this wasn't the work I came here to do, but it paid far better in the short term and I had lived off a credit card while doing the Shakes show. I turned it down.

As I'd taken on more responsibility doing the play, I was interested in doing the same in a management context. I ended up getting that chance thrust upon me far sooner than expected and immediately was dealing with all of its pitfalls. I dealt with it because I thought it might afford me a better chance later on. A chance to travel and work closer to my kinfolk and clear out my credit card debt.
I found myself making the same mistake in this as I had during the show. Not speaking up when I should leading to an injury that case and having to deal with hurt feelings in this one.

So, the spring passed into summer, and that chance to travel never occurred the way I thought I was assured it would. I worked hard and often and was close to finishing my stint with this company when I was offered a chance to manage officially l, be salaried, have time to audition. There was a bug in my ear letting me know I was bring asked to replace a person who'd just left. I'd gotten a chance for several months to see how this company worked and that, in spite of how relaxed it tried to show itself to be, it was as corporate a place as any I'd spent the previous ten years trying to avoid.

I felt I knew what it was....looking at the chance to make the money I didn't get to before, I accepted anyway.

In short it was what it I thought it was and I found out I didn't have the wherewithal to put on the mask that would carry me through.

And as much as I felt like I was being used as the scapegoat that I knew I was being hired to be, I didn't leave when I could have because I did not want to be a quitter. I wanted to complete the job I said I would do.
Which, of course, meant I was asked to leave.
Humbled.
The best part? Not only did I not make the money I hoped to, I ended getting charged over 500 bux in bank fees for using my account to buy supplies for said company. But, hey, my decision, right?
so.
I spend up what money I have left from that and manage to get cast on a certain primetime police drama. Instead of using that money to start the transition away from here that I'd planned for the previous two years, I decide to hang around and see if I can get something going with regard to my "career".

This lead to further humility - going back to an agent I hadn't spoken to in years (that one seemed like a good exercise, actually), auditioning for a chance to go to Scotland only to find out that it was filled without my consideration, getting cast in a small role in a play I'd already done with a lead I was....annoyed by....and staying in that play instead of asking out when I knew I wouldn't enjoy it.

(one day I will follow my own advice)

Since Scotland didn't work out, I accepted a lead role in another piece.
A week and a half later, Scotland was an option again. I chose the piece I'd already committed to.
This somehow signalled the demons which had previously been absent on the project to suddenly make themselves apparent. Jealousy, silliness, acrimony....and I hate how I dealt with it. Almost as soon as I had made the decision to stay with the show, I regretted it. I could never really enjoy it after that. I felt self-conscious in performance. I couldn't wait to get the run over. It wasn't even 10 shows.

I didn't have a good performance or even audition after that for...months...at least 3.

And then I get an audition for another network police drama.

When I go to it, after putting the hard work that I had been afraid to in the few months prior, I'm told there isn't one for that show, that I should call my agent.

(In front of a group of waiting actors. Embarrassing? Yes.)

Then, on my first foray into the city after The Storm of the Century, my bicycle is stolen when lock it up improperly and conspicuously.

(more hubris...but I find it related to a lot of oral clatter I'd made earlier...had I bit talked so much, maybe I would have arrived earlier and found a better place to lock and felt I had time to lock it properly. That said, bike thieves do the work of the eviL onE)

Last week, after finally getting a day of work for the first time in abouts month, my car was towed (for bogus tickets that I should have seen a judge about...but yeah, whichever).

Today I have discovered that I have lost my phone.

(found a day later, 'neath my mass of mess)

I'm tired...and quite humbled.

I have, in fact, asked God to stop with the humble stick.

And yet -

I met a guy on the boat soon to share an alma mater with me looking to go back and do grad study in the same field I am considering.
I just found out a lady in my building is a musician. I didn't know there were other artists in the building.
I helped somebody buy a pretty sweet bike.
Some one just messaged my that she is seeing me "everywhere".
(shrug)

After this summer it took me a minute to figure out why things seemed to keep "happening to me". I was literally asking why I was being humbled. It took me until about the end of the summer to remember that I had asked for it.
Now if I could just get some clarity on what it is I have left to learn.
Whatever is the case. my ass is tired.

/endramble

I just looked at my October posts

and realized how long it took me to finally make it to the orientation at the Actor's Work Fund.


(over a month....which is bad considering I haven't really had anything else to do on a Monday...also bad because I'd tried since then but couldn't manage to make it on time....and just missed the Job search meeting this past Thursday because I didn't add it to my calendar.)


I am massively unorganized.



I think it might be killing me.


(and in other parentheticals, in addition to having my bicycle stolen the week after a super storm AND deciding to buy a bike over eBay that has turned out to be not as advertised, my car was towed for unfair tickets - one including a bold lie - and a red light ticket I didn't even know about....plus the registration had expired which I didn't know because I never got a renewal notice!! has now caused said car to have to remain in the tow lot and accrue "storage fees" and I have no money to pay the rent...or pay the cc bill for the card that I'd usually use to pay in this situation.)


(in the past I've encouraged people to experience New York. You know what....don't.)

Sunday People - Ask Yourself

Ear sexy,

and freestyle worthy.

I arrived back

in NYC at roughly this time 2 days ago.

It has taken rougly 48hrs for me to hate the city all over again.

I do admit, however, that it is Manhattan that truly draws the fire of my ire.

Thank you AA flight 732

for showing me how exciting a no-viz landing at night into LGA can be.

Was all ready

To congratulate DFW on the high quality of its downtempo soundtrack.

That's was when I realized I had accidentally started the internet radio on my phone.

I just left

and I already miss the Barbazon.

I just looked in the refrigerator

and discovered two cans of Bud Light.

When I asked the maternal unit who's drinking Bud Lights, she informed me they belong to my father.


I have never

EVER seen or known my father to drink alcohol. At all. Not even socially.

It is literally the end of the world as I know it. 

Just saw a billboard in Diboll Tx:

Jimmy Carter's pic with the question

"Miss me yet?"

Suspension of Disbelief

I am, for the uninitiated, what was generally termed during the latter half of 90s as "a hater". I never saw it as such. I just viewed the world through finer filter and had less tolerance for the average and below.

In my increasing old age and having had many chances to display my own shortcomings, I may have softened somewhat.

I originally intended that a "but" would come here, but mentioned savvy and resolution leaves me in the mood to forgo it...

It still fairly rare that works of fiction impress me enough to pull me out of guessing what will come next.

I am currently reading the Walking Dead series. I've been trying to catch up in the books to where the TV series currently is. I've just done that, as I am about halway through vol. 6.

The protagonists have escaped a major plot complication... I turn the page and - there it is - a moment that causes me to go literally agog and utter a WTF after a moment.

In the theater we strive for this as actors and to pull the audience in to experience the same.

I feel like I am experiencing this more...but maybe I am just more open to it after having had my ass handed to me for the past year.

There's a lot said and unsaid in that statement.

I should explain it.

But I really want to finish this book. I'm a bad blogger. I know. I'll come back to it later. Promise.

For now - let's go back to figuring what in the world has happened.

The degree to which

my respiratory stamina has deteriorated is astounding.

I wondered for a hot second

today or yesterday about whether there were any seniors in the building that needed checking on that I know. I believe this was at the behest of some mention of ol' folk who might need help after the storm.

There are many seniors in the building, but only a couple I come across.

But it did not occur to me in that moment that there are 3 on my floor.

One elderly couple lives right across from me. The other elderlady is down the hall. I know her best, though I have never taken time to introduce myself. She lives by herself and relies on an electric scooter to get around. I've always assumed she's diabetic.

At this moment she is presumably being taken to a care unit of some sort by emergency services. She is talking and it doesn't seem to be an emergency, I am glad that is the case.

The people next door have loud rambunctuous children. The noise, shakes, bangs and bumps they produce get to me...I allow them to get to me.

I allow myself to become self-conscious and self-centered,

I am currently heating water

for a sitz bath. Country upbringing strikes again.

There is

An eastern grey squirrel outside right now making the rest of us look mighty...pitiful.

Where in the world does a squirrel stay during a hurricane anyway?

I hate cellphone lag.

That is all.

"Bothersome" - Lackluster

(mothermix)

Having missed the

orientation meeting at the Actors Work Fund AGAIN (last week due to a canceled audition that I didn't know about), I'm sitting watching the rest of the Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee series and wondering if I've been misinterpreting what people have been trying to tell me when they said I should be a writer.

I'm hungry

and I don't feel like going to get rice.


how lazy is that?


VERY.

It is 10:30am

and I am already tired of myself for the day.

Today on the boat into the city

I woke somebody up on arrival.

On the way home, somebody woke me up.

Maybe, just maybe, not everybody friggin' sucks.

Currently standing around

waiting to follow the second line through Chinatown...in low 50 degree
weather...in shorts.

I just realized...

...I just took my laundry downstairs whole wearing my scoffer cap. Which, given the size of my ego, is a standard-sized plastic shopping bag.

Lesson in Hard Blogging

In case you are wondering.

This is how you blog hard.

Bleed or get of the damn stage.

"Shift, Smash, Surge, Swell" - Static

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Mfh_3BqQB4s&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMfh_3BqQB4s

I was just thrown off

by the every-else-but-NY-pronunciation of "Houston" while giving directions.

I repeat: I have been here too long.

While the reading ’’World Set Free’’

it just occurred to me the possible effect of exchanging the words "race" and "ethnicity" for "community".

The Wall

This past summer, I did summer theater for the first time. Outside.

Lesson learned: outside theater sux, mostly.

I also had a dominating lead part....the vast majority of the words in a short piece. I felt unsuccessful in the process for many reasons I won't document here. The sense of failure has lingered since and colored just about all the work I've done since. As I've felt unsuccessful, I haven't been productive. As I've been unproductive, I've dwelled on cloud of un-success.

Just now however, I think it has finally occurred to me what is to be learned from the experience: intense work as a group as I have had the inkling to work, only may work in small groups. The larger the group, the more likely the interference of ego. Ego kills work. The more personalities there are to deal with, the more one has to sit back. With fewer people, there can exist a dialectic.

And, even if it proves wrong, at least I am again interested in working. I look forward, humbly and hopefully, to the chance to do so again.

That said, I still anticipate a change of focus in the near future. 

At this particular moment,

I think I wish I had someone to tell the truth to.

It's roughly 11:30p CT.

hbd2m.

I wonder what it means

that I've developed a fledgling mythology/belief system and altar-space (with expansion plans) for my Bug Village colony.

Sunday I tasted yolk

Not boiled into a breadiness or scrambled into relative discernibility for the first time. It wasn't unpleasant. Still tasted like yolk. 


I tasted other other meat for the first time that seemed much like exactly what it is, as well.


We really are all the same humans. Chewing different cud and drinking different water just changes the color of the pelts and the smell of the musk.

-- Sent from my HP Touchpad running WebOS which represents another great resource squandered by the poor management of the company now called "HP"

I am in Bryant park

Watching a man reading a zodiac of some sort while shaking a cowrie shells in a clear Starbucks cup. Now he is speaking into his fist held just in front of his face...and back to the cup.

Maybe he just asked for that cloud that covered the sun .

-- Sent from my HP Touchpad running WebOS which represents another great resource squandered by the poor management of the company now called "HP"

XX

As I walked the bike up the hill, in front of the St. George theater, I noticed a young girl leaned over, checking a shoelace perhaps.

She was wearing grey stretch pants and, in the way pre-adolescents do, absent-minedly exposing her seat in my direction. I was likely about to chuckle and look elsewhere when I noticed something on her britches. Habitually, I looked again thinking she sat on candy or something when it occurred to me that it was red, on either side and near her crotch. As I passed, I tapped an adult and suggested she have her check her pants, hoping that this woman was close enough to the child to know that she'd started her period/would be able to considerately handle the situation.

Two things:

1) This child appeared to be at most 11 years old. I am fairly certain she was around the high single digits. I will admittedly take the flying leap to the conclusion that we really must stop giving our children hormone laced dairy products.

2) I wonder what it means that, as a hetero male the mere thought of a girlchild's mentral period didn't frighten me into fear and sprinting. It's probably go something to do with my already well-progressed transition into maiden spinsterhood.

NY State Pavilion 2012

The current state of the NYS Pavilion from the 1964 World's fair. I can't see any sign of the inlaid floor mosaic of the Texaco NY map. A bit sad.

Interesting

Tan, freckled, wrapped-red-hair, "urban" mother with one young child
and one toddler watching Good Morning America on her phone on Sunday
afternoon on the SB15.

Elder child sits in window seat across the aisle from her. china town
beauty with blue/white belted white-straw bucket hat sits between
them.

Back length hair, tinted with brown, periodic individual grey strands.

The sun doesn't seem to be missing anything today.

Accessorize

I'm getting on the 5:30a boat and just saw a female construction (?)
worker with a pink tool belt.

I went to the market...

...(as in "farmer's") today. While there, I saw the owner's son playing
with his toddler - just big enough to walk well, still small enough to
melt anything breathing within a 300ft radius.

Then owner grandpa saw him. Then owner/cashier grandma saw him. Then
just people in the store saw him.

All were melted.

I continued shopping and another grandma and her older toddler followed
me into the root vegetable section. She actively discussed what they
should be getting.

(more melting)

I finished my usual u0shaped route around the stock and toward the
registers. Son Toddler was now there and began playing with the
watermelons. Grandpa rushes over and I notice how small a child can
appear to an average-sized (well, small by the southern standards I'm
used to) version of this particular fruit.

I think about that I must have been that compared similarly to a water
melon at some point in my life.

I watch the young cashier laff as she directs only as much attention to
my selections as necessary, the remainder to the child.

I get wistful.


I have one of those moments when I wish I were normal sometimes.

I rode my bicycle to the library,

which about a mile and change away, this past Monday. It's mostly down hill going, creative routing avoids much of the uphill on the way back.

It hurt a little bit.

I'm fat.

That is all.

Texture

On the 3 train, I just saw toddler give the most thought perusal and
considersative nibbling to a cashew that, I believe, I have ever seen.

Watching daddy

Gingerly, carefully prepare beadheaded smallperson's hotdog with a side of fries from his burger plate at ferry. Just noticed smaller roundheaded smallperson to daddy's left.

Children's Hospital - The 70s Episode.

Yes.

dreams

Amazing how much fantasizing and wishing you can do with but a hint of sleep.

To opportunities lost...

Gun control

Today, in Staten Island, I saw the perfect way to change the direction of "conservative" support of the gun lobby:

a woman in a burka driving a late model black minivan with a 2011 NRA membership sticker in the window.


problem solved.

Praise

A couple days ago, I was told by someone that every time they watch my work in 
rehearsal, it's like being in a class.


I've decided that may be the greatest compliment I've ever been given 
for said work, and further validates the approach I've elected to take.


Thank you. 

(addendum: which is interesting since I seem to have a perpetual headache while doing this show...which I mentioned to the maternal unit and was told to get blood pressure checked...and then reminded that it runs in the family...at which point I asked momunit to stop rubbing it in.)

Praise

Today I was told by someone that every time they watch my work in
rehearsal, it's like being in a class.


I've decided that may be the greatest compliment I've ever been given
for said work, and further validates the approach I've elected to take.


Thank you.

Bike Path Revelations

I just had three revelatory moments while on the west side bike path:

1) an electronic sign informing riders of expected congestion on the
path due to an upcoming event

2) a slight bird collision soon after the previous - it darted across
the path and bump-brushed my elbow. I think it was a finch. I'm pretty
sure it's ok.

3) being thanked for saying ''on your left'' - I've made a decision to be
vocal, particularly on the bike paths because people here are,
strangley, not. There's also a high occurrence of traffic
(particularly of the foot nature) that doesn't stay to the right. When
I started riding the paths in Austin, I was introduced to announcing a
pass. This season I decided to introduce it to NYC.
   One of the problems associated with the practice is that it is often
perceived as being rude. It certainly seemed that way a couple times
in Austin, but things can sound that way coming from a person imbibing
double their usual amount of oxygen. To deal with the perception, I
always try to make certain it's given with plenty of notice (instead
of while passing) and I make it sound a little crazy. Just for laffs.
People don't mind surprises so much when they come in sing-song form.
In fact I've actually been complimented on it by another rider (ironic
since I had just been cursing him out for not riding to the right).
So, down around the tow yard, three of we riders wanted to pass a
rollerblader. As the first one passed, I came up and gave the 'blader
the audible signal and thanked him (which the final important step of
The Left Side Holler) for shifting over as I passed at which point he
thanked me.

good stuff.

small stuff.

but good stuff.

Instruction

It seems me:

that one can learn without being skilled in teaching;

one cannot teach without being skilled in learning.

Redundance

Today I went to my preferred local farmers market and got some produce including a last second purchase of some dark cherries.

(my first EVER time buying fresh cherries EVER)

Later I went to my preferred packaged foods retailer and purchased some packaged things including vanilla soymilk and a small pack of dark chocolate bars.

While there I saw dark chocolate/cherry vanilla soycream and grabbed it nearly without thinking.

bam.

Dhafer Youssef - Un Soupir Eternel

About a month ago

I found out the person I swapped virginity with several eons ago is several months into the journey of procreation.


I'm still not sure what to do with that.


I'm not certain I have to do anything with it.


About two years ago, I was trying to figure out if someone from a past relationship was trying to tell me I had a biological child. I've wondered withing the past couple months again if that is the case; whether the truth was being kept from me.

I still wonder what would I do if it were true,

Or it I thought about it so much because I want it to be true.


I was hopeful about this lifetime relationship business for a couple of the months that have constituted the past year...but I think that's subsided.

Perhaps The Universe was just presenting me with an opposite-end dose of what I've been prone to dispensing.

still don't know what to do with that either.

there's been a great deal of humbling over the course of this past year-and-more.

I suppose that's what I get for asking to be humbled.




God, make me a healer.

Multiplication of the Arcs - Darshan Ambient

word.

Mr. Bike Man

I just got hollahd at by 4our chix by the ferry while on the ol' Mesa GS.

Which is interesting to have happen to you while you're trying to not get hit.

Thunder

I'm currently sitting in the tree I was sitting in a few weeks ago in
Central park that caused me to notice that it's limbs bear a
remarkable resemblance to those of the dinosaurs it's likely composed
of (which were largely composed of this tree's ancestors.


funny how that works.

Adult Theme Warning

Just over-read on the train a very not hidden love letter held by
gentleman (salt and pepper, close cropped hair, not appearing middle
aged) on 3 train "loved the feel of your d!ck at the bus
station....would love the feel as you come inside me".

Or somesuch.

Signed with a love and kisses sticker.

p.s.: please, if imperative to read them in public, hold your intimate missives
in a manner that I can't clearly make it out from 5ft away. Sitting
down on public trans tends to put others above you...

Oh, how I feel

for this young, shivering Yorkshire Terrier dressed in a 2 yr old
humanchild's outfit.

I just had a wave

moment with a tinymale lightsbrownperson on the train. Mother decided
it was over apparently. She sat down and faced the stroller away.
Maybe she thought she was doing me a favor. Or maybe he turns into a
gremlin if he waves after 2:05pm.

That would have been interesting.

Off-Road

Remind me why you need that Expedition with the 20 again...

Today rather sucked

on at least three different occasions.

My teeth feel big.

Arian Foster on going vegan

"People feel so strong about meat and milk. I wish they felt this strong about peace."


Agreed.


(if you don't know, he's an elite NFL running back who's decided to remove meat from his diet)

I Love Acid - Wagon Christ

the old 3D.

The above

is an oil painting.

Deal

with that.

comments

bored. Comments turned back on for first time in several seasons.


we'll see how it goes.

And then there's the native stupidity

Not long after previous entry, man gets on with his two girls. There
are no two adjacent seats, so one sits farther back near me. There is
a wondow seat next to a woman who is sitting in the aisle.

Presumed Daddy motions for 2nd girl to take the available seat.
Instead of just sliding over into the window seat, Woman does The New
Yorker Window Seat Mambo: picks up all her things and spins knees
outward to make the child move past her to take the window seat.

I can understand this in certain situations, say if one is about to
get off soon, but this movement is universal in this town. It gone
past any roots in safety and is a tiny, pitiful power play that takes
place daily on the transit here. When I saw it, I regretted not moving
sooner so the girl could sit nearer her sister, but The Amazing
Falling European Girl got off the bus soon after, so I moved and all 3
of them were able to sit together.

End 'o story.

Tourism

I was just tripped over by a tourist and slightly fallen on by a
tourist on the bus. She tipped into the seat right next to me despite
there being one closer to her presumed compatriot. There should be a
class for these people.

Lati

 I was spending quality time with Lati in Central Park and she attracted the attention of Allow who seemed a bit compelled to dance. It didn't take her long (RocketPop tinted mouth and all) to give in.

She passed by at a moment when we were resting, looking back expectantly. I felt a bit disappointed that I was not in the midst of something for her to move to, her reluctance to leave apparent in her father having to beckon authoritatively.

Interesting.

Perhaps the next visit will result in enough courage to go sit in the drum circle.

I was just prepared

to lunge and keep someone from jumping overboard...to the point of
flinching when he seemed he might be moving to kick a leg over the
side.

I think I finally get

why my father planted peas despite owning an insurance office and
mother continues to need to pull weeds and sow seeds to this day.

"Lawyers...

...live on dead rights disinterred."

"...now the king in everyone...

...must rule the world."

H. G. Wells
'The World Set Free"

Angry

Last Tuesday/Wed, I spent all night preparing and audition video for a theater in a certain large, midwestern city. This included having to learn a couple rap songs (not something I generally do).

When I say all night, I mean no sleep - despite having a callback and a rehearsal later that day.

I was tempted to give up and submit what I had without putting something more polished together, but I really wanted a shot at this job.

So, it was submitted and I tried to go on the rest of the day not thinking about it. Before the day was even over, I'd gotten word of the callback.

Word.

This meant learning two additional songs - one of which was to be sung. This is REALLY something I don't do. This seemed challenging at first, but I was surprised how much I enjoyed working on it.

At about 6:30p Friday, I get an e-mail from said theater that there has a been a "development in the process" that may affect them having the callback.

Over the weekend, I try not to think about it. I did, however, not work on it with the same fervor.

On yesterday afternoon I got the confirmation that, though theyenjoyed my video and the effort put into it was appreciated, callbacks had been canceled.

I was fine with that. Things happen. Plans change. I don't even believe it when I'm hired until the first day of rehearsal.

The message went on that a local actor had been found for the job.

Hm.

This didn't bother me too much. In what was supposed to be a bit of making light of the situation, I went back and forth over email with the agent that submitted me.  I and this agent have had a period of not getting along. He has a certain way of expressing himself that can be taken as, well, antagonistic. I'd decided to just not take it personally, but that I also should remember to limit my converation with him to amiable professionalism (as such with all in the biz, actually). I made the mistake, in this instance, of not letting the issue rest. Though we didn't disagree, he was more upset with the reason for cancellation than me. Thinking about the valid points he made (and making the mistake of mixing myself up in the bitter), I agreed.

Then, having gone to a rehearsal for a show that I should have bowed out of, I began to think about it more.

And I got angry.

Angry that so much of my time had been dedicated to just trying to be seen, only for them to decide on someone they knew. They should have just gone with that person to begin with or, at least, give me chance to compete for the job in person.

At the end of the theater's message, it was mentioned that I'd be kept in mind for future productions at the theater by this plays writer.

Not other productions? Just those by this writer?

(sigh)

you know what?

just..

#### it.

Latest theory

We have a finite amount of energy....we must choose what we will expend
that energy on.

(there was something more concrete about this yesterday....what I get for not typing then)


Truth is a state of energetic productivity. To function one needs
energy. Being in a state of truth (expression, facilitation) creates
energy.

Untruth is a consumptive state. Propagating untruth, participating in a
circumstance stemming from lies or some state of untruth uses energy.

Give

It's interesting to have someone appreciate your expression to the
degree that are compelled to want to share theirs with you in the same
moment - like something that they are actively trying to sell, that
they feel is worthy of paying for and indignant at the prospect of
someone being of the opinion that it isn't.

I am hilarity.

I think I'm going to tape myself rehearsing for auditions from now on.
My futility is hilarious.

Com Truise - Fairlight

Intense. Delicious.

intense delicious

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&v=KCPGQX9rU1s&nomobile=1

Time.

So, I'm watching "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman". On the wrap for the time travel episode,he says that "life is short and time is precious".

I continue to disagree with this assertion.

Life is precious. Time is the result of mankind's realization when it's been wasted.

I was told

this past Wed night, after having done some silly thing or another that I sound somewhere between Monty Python and Bill Cosby.

My response:

"Genetics".

No one here gets my miscegenation jokes.

Dread Van Winkle

I'm currently walking behind a man whose hair has mat-locked into a so
perfect a flat trapezoidal across his back that it looks like he laid
perfectly flat, facing up for a score or so of weeks/years.

He's also having a very strident disagreemwnt with someone who doesn't
appear to exist...at least not at/in this space/time.

Currently have a lump in my throat

because I just found out I lost a major role to someone I
find...."trying". It is likely worse that I was asked to do a minor
role.

New Beetle

This just in: VW engineers think different.

Or maybe they just think putting the reverse gear to the left of 1st and requiring a downward press on the shifter to be really, really funny.

And one wonders if the fact that the trans will only shift back out of 5th if the wheels are turned all the way to the right (maybe?) is another fun Farfeg-feature.

 Which is only helped by the marketing customization on it that block the rear-view and left the power mirros un-adjustable.

(power locks, power mirrors.....manual windows?)

In other news: I now have personal witness of the chirping chicken KFC sign....which is really more of a focal point of the architecture.


(picture to follow if possible)

I am anxious

and cranky
and mopey
and irritable
and janky
 and can't think

 because there's a job I really want to get that I've been waiting for a week for the final interviews to finish so I can get a response because I really want a POSITIVE response because I really want to get to work near home because I'd really like to get to be an actor for a change.

There.

I said it.

Vision

I just noticed that my left eye seems to perceive color more intensely
than the right.

Or maybe it's just got something to do with this polarized filter.

One wonders how common this; that it migt be the result of adaptation.

So, I just took my first trip

across the asphalt at speed (likely 15mph or so).

All my fault. Pics and details to come.

ScaryMonsterMan

Instance of fear and terror 1:

Last week, I went onto the roof to do some calesthenics thinking I'd be less likely to disturb the people below. The roof, however, is made of the same thinly sliced cheese as the rest of the building. Therefore, a lady with he infant child heard walking and heavy breathing on the roof. She accosted me just as I'd finished an interval, asking twice if I lived in the building. It seems to me if she was so scared of whoever was above her, she probably shouldn't have come up to check it herself.

Instance of fear and terror 2:

On the way home on the bus, I noticed a young woman who I recognize from the route, but forget that she lives in the same building. We got off the bus at the same stop and took the same path through the grounds of a church on the block. This is a common instance. During this, I started thinking about some vocal and breathing pointers I gave a younger actor recently and start practicing some diaphragmatic breathing up the hill while listening to some experimental Euro jazz. It occurred that it might sounds probably sounded strange, but she didn't seem to take much notice, so I didn't worry about it. When we got to the door, she suddenly turned around and spoke. I had to take out my headphones and ask her to repeat.

"Are you ok?"

I let her know that I was merely doing breathing exercises and apologized for what I then realized must have sounded like a literal version of a colloquial heavy breather.

"Ignorance is a powerful

 tool if applied at the right time, even usually surpassing knowledge. Lots of times a guy will jump into a project without knowing how far he is into something way over his head until it's almost too late to back off. This is a situation that I frequently wake up to in the middle of another adventure."

E.J. Potter

"For these fellows

of infinite tongue who can rhyme themselves into ladies' favors, they do
always reason themselves out again."


Henry V, ln. 156-159

Maturity

is wisdom in action.

So went a pondering of about a week ago.