In roughly the past month,
two members of my family have passed away.
One, after a years-long chronic health problems.
The other more recent (so far as I am aware)
One I was prepared for, the other not as much.
These were not Covid-19 deaths.
(Oh, I haven't told you about getting to experience to the modern American sociopolitical unrest and worldwide health crisis in the same year?)
That said...
I am tired of it. I am tired from it. I was tempted to say embarrassed but that's not it.
I have felt a tinge of cowardice that I did not...could not...was not in the position to take the.. a leadership role..in going to these funerals and being in the vicinity physically for bereaved family members....
And this is not to make some declaration about how one should feel.
This is not to say that I don't think the decision to remain in place is correct.
This is just to say how it felt...express the emotion.
To say that I am tired. To say how disappointed I am...that lives were not able to be celebrated the way they should be.
that's all. i think.
I am glad my uncle is no more pain. I feel like my aunt should have made it to 90+.
i don't know.
I really wish I had something concise, coherent and poetic to say about it. I don't.
