"They're always telling me to act more postable."

"I'm Andre 3000 the Giant."

"Ooh! So fresh and so Gene!"

I love you people so much right now.

cigarettes stink.

cigarettes + (whatever) = stink.

cigarettes

stink

.

endurance.

I find that, rather than becoming more patient, I am becoming more sensitive to feeling dehumanized, unseen or disrespected...as well as more sensitive to situations where I am not self-sufficient.


embarrassed, I guess, is a word,

if not "the".


which I suppose is what happens when more of this thing called time passes...and there are more and more ppl in positions to...


that will have the opportunity to...


subordinate you?


or to whom you will be subordinate.



one of the hard parts about not building wealth...or how to build self-sufficiency without dealing with currency.


I propose that a great deal of the "unrest in the world today" stems from that.

from grown-ups who don't feel like they are sufficiently grown-up...or respected as such...


or allowed to act as such...on their own terms.



as society chases money, those that have seem to get younger and younger....



so. I'm losing patience. even in a situation where I should likely be subordinate.

it's hard not to say/think "you don't know...I was doing (insertx,y,z)  before you were even a spark...whodoyouthinkyouaretalkingto"



   and I also propose that it's all harder when you have no one to remind you to do...and to remind you it will be ok....and to listen so it's processed in the air instead of processed in your gut.

a gut that's worked a lifetime saving your life..

and begins, at some point, to not be able to deal with all that sh.......


  hm.

  (inhale)

  (ex).

wild. and thick.

preach.

"The world needs assholes. Otherwise, where will the shit go out?"

- Dusan

"Downsizing"

Wreck it, Ralph.

click.

fountain pond park.

annoyance.

And the lingering embarrassment of dropping blood pressure..

And the frosted diaphony of a just-thawing, just-frozen pond.

And the mystery of a trail map.

And the dry-soft carpet of brown leaves/

And the white noise quiet of a nearby roadway/

And the whisper cacophony of the wind through leaves.

And the heightened listening for animals/

And the secure visibility of bare limbs.

And the barely-kiss of sunlight breaking thick clouds and evergreen canopy.

And the soft fall of clumped, polymorph ice-snow.

And the green defiance of ferns in pseudo-winter fall.

And the pleasant satisfaction of a short trail.

And the piqued curiosity coming after an open field

And the gratification of finding one's way back.

And the quiet, lively beauty of a marsh.

And the glinting disappointment of wet socks.

And high-humming notes of tall trunks bending in wind.

And the amorphous balance of trunks wind-fallen.

And the wet soft catch of leaves now moist -

and the satisfaction of the trail when done.

dream 11/14/18

last night/morning I dreamt that I decided, for some odd reason, I wanted a beer (which was in a convenience store in a soda-style dispenser) -but I didn't want to get it myself.

so, underaged drinker or drinker that's been cut off-style, I asked somebody else to get it for me.

He did and wanted one for himself, to which he added what looked kombucha.

When he went to pay, I put down the money ($40 for two Big Gulpy fountain beers) and the clerk refused to  sell them. I showed my ID proving I age, and he still didn't accept.

This turned into some kind of ok, "I'll just wait for the police" thing.


I woke up with no beer being had.

cumin

- n.,

the spice created to scare seditty, scared-to-sweat, afraid of a little funk people away from your food.

oculus

And, of course, on a day when I'm fretting over my apparent time-diminished vision,

I see a woman walking with a friend, scanning ahead of herself with a long, thin, white cane, laughing and joculant.

#stupidperspectivesomethingsomething

discomfort

Me: ( moves up to counterperson at local bistro to place order, smiling)

Sweater lady wisks up to counterperson to have hot drinks refilled, seeming no notice of Me

Me noting the sensation of another moment of not being seen

(a moment)

Sweater Lady: (to Me, scanning) I love the way you look.

Me: (un-knowing what to say, sheepish) Thank you.

SL: I love to see people just being themselves.

Me: That's what you should be, right?

SL: Well, that's what I think.

Me: (attempt at not being sheepish) There enough ppl not getting paid to act.

SL: oh, is that what you are?

Me: (unspoken "oh" and moment of fought urge to be expository)..Yeah. (still awkward/sheep smile)

SL, as soon as her drinks arrive, leaves...no greeting or acknowledgement.

END.

You won't likely understand what I'm now going to say. That's fine...my concern is that I, at some point, won't.

Speak will these fingers nonetheless:

I finally figured out, I think, why these people around me now don't "hear" me.

It is because they are Latinate*. They are cerebral. The struggle they have is to reabsorb themselves with the earth.

(the uh, the ah, the low, the base, the mud the dark)

When I intend to speak a truth, from the low place,

[hung low /er than bowels]

they only see the words, the letters.

they don't hear the sounds.

i have marvelled at language that is tonal only 'til now realizing that speaking with tones is something I already do.

perhaps I'll try to preface these flashes of music with a request that they feel me with a bone further down than their heads.

perhaps their Sternum.

#youfeelme?

(*no not "latino/a/x)

For the record:

I am currently sitting in a room with a space heater on wearing full thermal underwear (with an undershirt), socks (I wish they were thermal) Thai-style fishing pants and a large wool-style hooded pull-over...with a 64oz Boathouse Farms juice bottle full of hot water under my top two layers.

The thermometer says 49...and thats up 3 since I first checked this morning.

|:-#

don't look up

Alma del Huila - Bishoune'

click.

Listen to: Right-Wing Hate Groups Are Recruiting Video Gamers

Listen to: Right-Wing Hate Groups Are Recruiting Video Gamers - http://one.npr.org/i/660642531:664492185

Paradise Circus (remix) - Massive Attack

Today somebody thanked me for being her friend and teacher.

I realize that it probably is not quite the first time I've been thanked for that, but it the first time explicitly so.

you are welcome.

thank you.

"my mama said

'never throw a stone and hide your hand'

"

-j electronica

Ep1: Wu-Tang In Space Eating Impossible™ Sliders

sanity.

Dream 10/16/18

Real Most recent exists and is in picture...

Nigerian-american(?) woman is in picture...straight hair...

Event gathering...

Kiss/something/event signifying willness to move on/try

THEN gathering.

Go back to her place, bed, she pulls out LARGE clippers and starts on beard, i say NO. She says you won't work unless you do, i say yeah sure when someone (producer?) tells you that specifically, but don't do it without asking, she says someone DID say that specifically.

Conundrum.

Interesting...

(Teacher from gsu with minivan?)

The relationship between wisdom and malevolence.



discuss.

3 mcs, 1 dj

https://youtu.be/PT8YUB1Ym0A

last night I dreamed that a former relationship person who I haven't seen in many many many years had turned into a ethno Centrist extremist person who had sort of joined a small cult..?

Water.

Water everywhere!

And not a drop of seltzer to drink...

'thete are only 12 notes

You should really investigate what everybody did with those 12 notes.'

Mikyra Burnell

Free. Style.

shift

https://youtu.be/wjDwNv7X6wQ

shelburne falls

another from Shelburne Falls

If one is of a narrow point of view, one might see something as new/unique when one of another (larger) point of view might see repetition...

Catharsis

Is the realization of fears and the awakening of empathy.

The Language to release 

(pain)

Are Ramen Noodles Bad for You, or Good? http://flip.it/5.MN1y

 

"dada hair"

 

.

Storycorps: Never Say Goodbye

StoryCorps 537: Never Say Goodbye (NPR, Jun 29)
https://play.podtrac.com/npr-510200/npr.mc.tritondigital.com/NPR_510200/media/anon.npr-mp3/npr/storycorps/2018/06/20180629_storycorps_sc062918.mp3?orgId=1&d=708&p=510200&story=624733659&t=podcast&e=624733659&ft=pod&f=510200

Hi, Gwen.

So, today I did a thing.

And it was sort of a monumental thing.

Something I could have done a long time ago,

but I didn't.


potential deferred`and such...

anyway. I conceived a thing.

And asked for help.

And I wracked my brain for ideas.

And I chose a thing.

And I let the idea change without throwing it away.

And I found inspiration.

And I used what I've learned in the past.

And didn't give up when it got trying.

And didn't let the deviL win.

And did a thing.

Probably the thing that should have been my graduate project...but, you know, different.

...and people seemed to like it.

It wasn't perfect.

There were some things that didn't go the way I intended.

But there's always next time.

Yes, NEXT time.

Because I believe in the idea. And I believe I can do it again.

I did work. And it felt good.


and I'm glad it happened on Your day.


happy birthday Gwen.

I love you.

I hope you were in the room with me.



peace:

c w j

I don't want to get up.

"Fewer people want to hear my most potent stories, ans those are the ones I want to tell."

Storyteller in "Who Fears Death"

 

It's odd…

 

Whenever I hear a reference to New Jersey…well, the part adjacent to the City, anyway…

 

Or maybe not just that –

 

But when I do, I miss you a little.

Why some women choose to get circumcized

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/04/female-genital-mutilation-cutting-anthropologist/389640/

"My Great Grandfather the Nigerian Slave Trader"

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/personal-history/my-great-grandfather-the-nigerian-slave-trader

RE:

a genderfluid young adult told me I was the crunchiest person they've ever known.

 

I didn't delve into the specifics of that perception.

 

 

I just reveled a bit in the achievement.

 

I think I just looked up and saw the cloudiness of the "Magellanic" with my naked eye for the first time .

 

"rejoiced"

 

As an adjective.

 

hm.

Chaka Khan - Like Sugar (Official Video)

the kind of thing that may have happened had someonewhoshallremainnameless submitted that NYU film school applications manymany years ago.

So, yeah, I went to a museum yesterday.

I should probably talk more about that, but what strikes me now is noticing a continued pattern and wondering:

What is it about me that causes people to think I know things.

This is not an attempt at self-praise (or indirect compliment fishing)..

Or maybe it is?

There is a way that I am that I suspect is not fully un-intentional in certain places that causes people to think I know something.

Maybe it was because I was by myself…and I present an image of someone who wouldn't be there alone unless employed there?

I thought it may have been because I was dressed similarly to the staff….but I wasn't.

Although the actual tour guide/docent folks did seem to not be wearing the red shirts of the (seeming) orderly staff.

(folks who were saying "don't touch", giving directions, etc)

So. That.

Debating on whether to go back today. Or to church.

(shrug)

 

That glorious, intricately detailed dream that includes such a number of insecurities that you're not sure just how much your sub-conscious just read you.

 

Featuring that crush from grade school

 

An award show?

 

People who look like you that do what you do (did..)

 

Very likely other things.

 

Jordan Peele!

 

"award shows are marketing"

 

Oddly missing wedding bands…

 

 

Somewhat odd how much the whole thing looked like a film.

 

 

 

Also…I pretty much just slept for 12 hours. Alls I did yesserday was walk around a museum for 6 hours. Maybe it was the motorcycle ride?

My mother should have been an artist.

I'm still trying to find a way to tell her she still can be.

At a play With a cast full of persons of color,

And written by a dark brown man with locked hair down his back,

 

All of the persons of color in the audience are on the fringes.

Yet another lesson in saying Yes too help.

I'm still recovering, so this will be brief.

 

I just realized I've had another firm smack from life saying "accept gratitude".

Last night I went for a ride. It was a bit cool, but not bad and only should have been about 40 miles round trip.

I headed out, had a fairly glorious time, found some places to go back to. However, I was Waaaaaaaaaay in the woods and it was getting progressively colder. There was a place I could have stopped and begged mercy, I didn't.

 

In short I shuddered for an extra 30/40 miles back to campus.

 

I also ate some microwave food. Boo. People were getting on my nerves in the house. I bitched. Karma.

 

So I passed out knowing id feel It in the morning. And I did, just fatigue though. I watched some flix and got up to move things into new apartment.

 

I did not eat.

 

As I did this, I met my new roomies. They are fine folk and offered to help with bags. I let them take my two crates.

 

In the interim I started to realize I hadn't eaten and the sun was bright, but I kept chugging. I finished taking everything else out in one trip.

 

On the way into the new place, one of the roomies offered again and I said not thanks (they were cooking), then other offered again and I sad no.

 

THEN I was offered food.

 

I said no.

 

Not long later: sugar crash. Probably with a touch of sunstroke.

 

 

Had I just said "yes". I probably could have been productive for another 3 hours today. It did lead to some thought about art, though.

 

I hear pain is good for that.

 

:-/

 

Rocks and hard places.

During the drive yesterday. I listen to a podcast about a young guy who wanted to be a coal miner. And they got me thinking to some things I've been thinking about the 4 about people who actually want to call mine and why you would want to make the choice to do something dangerous and dangerous to the environment. It seems to me that some of the people who want to do that with some of the same ones who always wanted access to natural beauty. And it didn't make sense to me.

 

And while thinking about it yesterday. I think it occur to me that there was something this are old and physical about that desire. There was a need to do something where you actually felt a change in yourself or filter change and something else. And in that moment, it seems similar to why I chose to act because I needed to do something that was physical that was a physical act instead of just mental encerie, which is my habit.

 

Well, just now while driving through central Pennsylvania. I started to think about why somebody would want to be a coal miner again. I think the thought came back to me because I saw a city named Frackville. And. I got to wondering again. Why would people do something that they know destroyed permanently destroyed a piece of the earth? How could you be OK doing that? Judic Oertzen me that also common among those people is a no fundamental Christian belief that there is a here. After that there's a heaven and that there is going to be in Armageddon and the Raptor.

 

And maybe what's going on is that they don't give you the consumption of the Earth as an Ender. Even the destruction of the Earth as an end because they believe there going somewhere better regardless. 

 

And there is a fundamental difference between him and what is common amongst I suppose common amongst other people who are very much into environmentalism in and conservation is that their those people think in terms of the planet. Existing continuing to exist for millions and billions of years. I assume they also tend to not think in terms of Armageddon or Rapture. They think in terms of something that needs to stay for generations to come and that being nice to be able to sustain generations to come.

 

For the people who want to call my drill oil land. Do all these other things that is permanently utilizing the resources maybe they just use the entire planet as that just a resource. Nothing put here for them to use and simply a thing that will be gone. Once they are going on to something better.

 

Or something like that.

It is a sad day when one sees the light of a firefly

flare

And fade

Forever

On one's own windshield.

"To be alone is to be in pain."

from Robot Carnival

Angry Beavers

 

 

The xx 'Angels (Shiny Objects Rework)'

The conflicting impulses

 of wanting to be seen


                     and learned(?) humility.

Walls of Rock and Ice and...(something)

Today I went to hike in a place called Ice Glen. I was attempting to meet a young cohort and her younger charges.

I thought that I saw what was their car parked in well-to-do neighborhood with an address number, a an illegible sign and another beneath it saying "park here and walk". I didn't get our because I saw the address number and "private drive" and had already had to turn around due to a "PRIVATE DRIVE DO NOT ENTER" sign.


So, I re-searched and found what I thought were the correct directions near a park. This time I saw no car and assumed that they went to somewhere else or to an alternate entrance I didn't know of. There was a simple map if the trails outside that I could have snapped with my camera, but didn't. I went inside with my camera and headed over a bridge and up into the woods, opting to head up the red (harder) trail. I found a fork leading to the "Glen" or the "Tower". I elected to go for it an head up to the tower. The trail was definitely not for the casual, though I felt I managed it well. While closer to the bottom, I thought I should pick up a walking stick, but there I noticed nothing suitable and just decided that I could manage without it.


While making my way up Laura's Hill and listening for animals that might NOT be a chipmunk, squirrel or bird, I heard some voices and soon made out the group that I had hoped to catch. They told me the summit wasn't too far up and she asked if I'd found the Ice Glen. I told her that I'd go up and come do it on my way out. She mentioned that they had come in from what seemed to have been the first street I turned on


I summited, went up a shakey tower and headed back down. The decent seemed faster, but at some point unfamiliar. I felt like I was noticing paths I hadn't seen before. At one fork I backtracked to try to figure out where I was. When I thought I'd figured it out, I headed back in the direction that should pointed toward the Ice Glen. There was a point at which I thought I should go back to make sure I didn't miss the trail, but I figured, "no, I'm on the trail, I'll come to it.

As I continued on, it still seemed I was moving quicker than I should and realized that I was coming back to the entrance. Confused, I made my way back up the path and decided to back down the way I'd come up.

(I feel like I am not correctly recollecting this sequence, but it was something like this).

I went down there and assumed that the way I'd come in must have been the "Glen". I didn't see any ice and the boulders weren't really cold, but I just figured it was due to summer. I was still confused by where my cohorts had gone, though, as I hadn't seen them on my way back down.

I walked a very easy 1.3 mile path that looped next to the Housatonic. On my way out, Looked at the map again. It occurred to me that the small white car that I had seen outside the first stop was the similar to one I'd seen around the campus we where we are all working/staying. I texted and that was indeed THEIR car. I decided to head back to that spot to look for the Ice Glen since I wasn't able to find an entrance in the park I 'd gone to.

So, I went back to the rich neighborhood and parked at the spot here I didn't stop before and started the long, flat climb up the gravel-then-paved path - this time seeing a barely-readable sign that said "ICE GLEN".

I passed a couple coming down and at the top saw another small sign reading "ICE GLEN" with a caret pointing the direction I was heading. I eventually saw the rocky, mossy outcropping and did indeed feel a sudden temperature drop - more severe than the considerable drop when I entered the forest at Laura's Hill. I moved forward looking for a path that would head back to the Hill, but I couldn't find one. I kept moving back toward the seemingly impassable concurrence of millenia-old fallen boulders, and kept thinking I saw no way forward. Then I saw what seemed to be a narrow path. Again, it would seem there was none...again I'd see rocks that seemed as though they had been placed as steps. As I got further in, the intended trail seemed harder to find and that I taking ever-slightly more risk to try to continue.

Eventually, I reached a point that I thought I could only go up, and found myself scrambling up a hill a bit. I again thought I saw a foot-worn path - only to feel myself stymied again. I looked left toward a steep uphill, thinking that wherever the path was it had to be up and over the impassable rock ravine. So, I started making my way up what was now less of a hike and more of a climb. I took my time grabbing and hand and foot-holds, grasping small trees and pull myself up or to catch when I thrust myself upward. Though I wasn't looking back down, I was definitely thinking of how tricky that descent would be if I had to make it.

 I worked myself up to more level ground and looked around for a path, still not seeing one. I continued up to the top of whatever peak I was on and tried my best to see the tower I'd climbed earlier, but the foliage was too thick to make out anything besides mountains in the far distance. I decided to head back down - and it took a bit of effort to get back to the path climbed up since I was still trying to find the mysterious path around. On my way down, it occurred to me to put my car key more securely in my pockets than it was.

I made it back to the spot where I last saw a path and again tried looking around. I probed a few yards further along into the crevasse, but gave up looking and thinking that there looked like no way around...and feeling like I didn't want to push too much luck after the previous climb. I tried moving across the ravine to the other side to find a path. There was one slippery rock that gave a somewhat fatigued/worried body some trouble. I finally managed to across it, but still got to a spot where I looked and said "that doesn't look passable". I decided to head back to the vehicle and now noticed the soreness in my left knee. Heading back down the path once out of the glen,

I decided to walk backwards to ease the stress on my knees. This worked fine - until I forget about the place where the pavement goes away and - twisted ankle, backwards tumble. It was only sprained a bit and I was able to make it back to the vehicle with no additional injuries, bruised ego notwithstanding. There was a part of me already dismayed and determined to figure out this mystery.

Upon returning I went to online maps I saw that there was on fact a trail shown connecting the two places I'd been. I'd iced my ankle and knee and the former already felt much loose from walking. I decided to go back to the Laura's Hill entrance and find the correct path.

This time, I left my camera in the vehicle (as I had done at the last entrance...along, accidentally, with my phone). I wished I had brought my gloves, but I also made sure to find a walking stick this time. I  picked up one that was inadequate, but better than nothing. The I noticed a suitable branch. Up the trail it was already apparent how much stress was taken off my left knee by using the stick and my right arm - again, those gloves would have been nice.

I took the easy trail to try to work my way back to the trail I had lazily missed before, but had to work all the way back to an earlier fork to get my bearings - as I said, I was determined. Once I had eliminated all the the other paths, I find myself going back up one that I thought that I had come down, but which begin to seem less familiar. Eventually the sides began to close in as I'd read on one of the sites about the Glen and I saw giant boulders forming a vee. I continued up the path until I was steeping up rocks instead of walking a path. I continued in, again glad to have the the aid of the limb* until I reached to point that I recognized as the place where I started climbing the incline when I entered on the other side. Relieved, but not quite joyed, I headed back out of the Glen to exit the park. As I exited the crevasse I looked over and saw the monolithic rock carving indicating the Glen and it contributor from 1891 that I'd missed before.

By now, I was quite struck by the feeling of "that little girl"** in nothing but stocking lead those 3 guys through this with no trouble on the first try, and here I was climbing this trail thinking I'd done something impressive,"***.

I began wondering about why I seem to keep making choices...that end up being mistakes where I decide that I don't need to do something, or bring something or put in the extra effort to find something or will be a little extra work only to realize that whatever I didn't do/get was exactly what I needed.

I found myself wanting to ask a wise soul, "what is laziness the manifestation of". Why do I continue to blow off or give up on the easy things that would make me successful?


On my way out. I saw a woman and who I assume was her daughter (both, lovely kind-seeming humans). As I lay the stick back down at a fork, the mother greeted me and asked if I'd seen any wild animals. We small-talked a bit and I asked if they'd seen the Glen...AND if they found it in one try. The daughter asked how long it was to the Tower. I encouraged her to go back and go all the way to the top, that I can understand why she didn't want to continue at that late point in the day.


I was quite glad to have come across them. I'm glad the mother engaged me. It made me feel human and took me out of the sullen regret at my fallibility.

And then I went to the store for liquid soap...and forgot what I went there for almost as soon as I parked.

I'm here now. And I typed this.


end.



*heh. bit-of-a-pun, that.



**well, she is a person of smaller stature, though still considerably of fewer years than me



***which I'm sure feminist associates would love to use as a point for later reference

"When you enter apace, you change the space."

 

• Susan Dibble

 

Pronouns without nouns are the root of deception.

"No one changes by being made to feel bad about what they do."

Love, Bootsy.

  One day, you may tell me that a non-human being you have cared for has passed away, and I may respond, "yeah, that's what they do,". If I don't then I will think it.

In this case, please don't think that this is a dismissal. It is merely a reflection of how I've come to deal with the aspect of existence called "loss". I don't pretend it is perfect.

But, at least, hear this:

To me it is a way of saying what happens when you love. You will love a being, and that will go away, and it will cut and it will hurt and you may realize that you never loved that as much as they loved you and regret never having the chance to again …(even though that's kindofexactly what you're doing in thatmoment.

You love them. And you blink. And they're gone. And they make you wish they were still where you are.

That's what they do.

ForTHEJERKFatboyMr.FatbootyBigBodyRoundMoundOfTheeHoundAndTugOfWarAndShoeLicking

AndPantsLickingAndTooManyToysAndHappyTableLapsAndIDontRunAndIDontDoPillsAndIFakepoop

AndStillCarpetWipeAndIDontWantThatButIMStillHungryAndItsTooHotImGoingBackInside,

❤

bootsy

.

Tariq Trotter Hot 97 Freestyle

Once, when responded to a prompt about how I felt about my Shakespeare monologue performance in class, I responded that I was still trying to hear the "hip hop in it".

The response to that was, "that sounds good, but what does it mean".

After having the advantage of reading/watching most of The Works and particularly the history plays, I think I'd say that this is what that meant.

To be clear:

YES,  I am saying that I find this AS Shakespearean AS Shakespeare.

And probably something else.


(skip to :22 for the goods)

When you start learning JS far later than you should have

and you decide that your snowman needs a jaunty cap.

Challenge: Waving snowman 

Made using: Khan Academy Computer Science

 

"..a very flimsy system of false morality."

 

 

• David K. W. Chappelle

some where

Dear Humans,

  It is vitally important that, during the course of your existence, you continually attempt things you believe yourself incapable of doing.

  Though be mindful of attempts to violate the better known laws of physics.

Guess the Quote

"Space is time, 

time is relative

and all of it is money."

(no cheating) 

I just realized this week that I am entitled to Teacher Appreciation Day benefits.

 

 

#Bringit

"rez accent"

How "Rez Accents" Strengthen Native Identity

http://www.yesmagazine.org/people-power/how-rez-accents-strengthen-native-identity-20170306

inclination

for the past 10 hours,

I have been undone

by slopes

and graphing proportional equations.


I don't recall this being 8th grade math.


Damn you, Elroy Jetson.

"be patient. let the corner come to you."

'the line is not where you should go, it shows where you have been."


#canyonchasers

"A man's reach shield exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"


"the lost world of z"

"most harmful behavior is based in fear"

 

MERCURY 13

 

c. walker jr.

 

I am, to my knowledge, standing on an American Indian reservation for the first time in my life right now.

 

I just paid for something at the Alabama -Coushatta Ischoopa, and a man I assume to be of the tribe invinted me to go ahead of him when a register opened up.

 

And I'm trying to figure out why I'm choked up a little now.

 

"Riding with"

Interesante…

 

 

http://schedule.fuseboxfestival.com/festival/riding-with-2

 

Calm: the seemingly teenage lady who seems to be presenting the case for further gun control.

 

Not calm: the middle-aged-least male sitting across the table from her seeming to assert that "you can ban all the guns in the world, but you'll never end all murder" by way of several f-bombs.

 

 

 

 

Austin. Capitol of Texas Hwy. Colorado R.

3 Harley riders not only just waived, but waved me into their group. I kind of wish Id hung with them longer, but I think I didn't want to crowd…or be disappointed if I met them…or was just being my usual stand-offish self.

 

In Texas near Hempstead.

 

c. walker jr.

 

Border Trilogy Part 3: What Remains

http://one.npr.org/i/604254032:604254034

c. walker jr.

 

Sandra Bland Pkwy

I just rode down Sandra Bland Pkwy.

 

Which seems surreal and tragic and too soon to be possible.

 

And I have no words for it.

 

Sighbarf.

That glorious moment when you remind yourself why Taco Bell is such a terrible, terrible idea.

 

 

 

c. walker jr.

 

 

 

"The pain that is failure does not exceed the pain that is not trying at all."

 

Casey Neistat

 

 

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

I need somewhere to go

But I don't really want to go anywhere,

 

Because there doesn't really seem to be anywhere

 

That doesn't suck

 

So, at the moment,

 

I have nowhere to be.

 

 

And that's hard for everybody.

From girls at war

 

 

c. walker jr.

 

 

 

c. walker jr.

 

'I want to die. I am bored. There is no work.'

 

 

As per an NPR report, a Palestinian protester.

 

"The whole school is falling for the treachery of an unhinged villain."

 

"That always happens at pep rallies"

 

 

ASoUE.

 

Ibrahim Maalouf

Movement III

Kalthoum

"...today is our day; we have climbed the iroko tree today and would be foolish not to take down all the firewood we need."


girls at war

achebe

Porches - "Be Apart"

 

 

 

 

I just heard a man from Cameroon explain his full name by listing the names of 23 generations of his grandparents.

THIS is what is missing from the United States of _______.

"they were still hiding saltwater Africans, purebred, from the Yankees."


- uncle Spikenard

  Daughters of the Dust

I realm never thought I'd like The Good Place.

Season 1 ep 8. 4:02.

and Janet.

:-)

No justice

"Justice is merely incidental to law and order."


J. E. Hoover

"In my experience

ghettos breed dissent."

Agt. Ross
Electric Dreams
"The Hood Maker"

"How do we practice deceit?

We rip the truth apart and weave it into the lie."

Quell
Alt'd C, ep 108

"You do understand Im a journalist? We're a dying breed, but we generally have an unerring sense of smell where bullshit concerned."

Electric Dreams - The Commuter 

I am on Chapter 26 of Fledgling, and it is just now occurring to me that one of the main themes of the novel is the ability to stay woke.

Literally.

The Dead Negro Male perspective

You can tell how enamored Americans are of their " second amendment rights ",

by how many white Men, Women and Children keep being killed by people who should not have access to as assault weapons

and nothing really changes about their access  to them.

Using terror to drive sales doesn't work if the terrorized can't get the product.


The anti-gun lobby will never work because it doesn't have a business plan.

It's Valentine's Day

and I'm currently reading Fledgling and listening to ambient music and craving intimacy...

Not intimacy as in sexual or even romantic contact...

Just quietness, nearness and frankness of discussion. Trust.

l
I am currently finding it difficult to believe I have ever wanted to be in a crowd of people..but I know there is this part of me that responds to being in front of a crowd of people. I seek out small groups...maybe not that anymore. I seek out seclusion with individuals.


I wonder if that is the case with men, too? It has been for a while with femalepersons.

Hm. Boys operate in packs, no? Maybe I am still that way.


But there is something about the intimate conversion - not having to compete for attention.


Hm.



I also have a headache. I got caught in the cold and a bit wet last night. I was ok this morning, but I hope that I've not exposed myself to the superflu that is currently yesterday's news.


Another child went into a building full of other children and killed several of them today.




(sigh)

The Difficult Math of Being Native American

When you're watching Netflix BRITISH/(american) Sci-FI and you find a way to get a Latissaw/Gill joke in,

You know you're probably at the top of your game for the day.

Squirrels,

Still rocking their winter coats,

coming out for a couple days

Of impromptu Spring

In NYC.

A dream with someone who looked like the last one but indiscernibly definitely different in that room at home and waking up with but they didn't know but would be told.



?

That moment when one realizes that one has inadvertently dressed

Redbl
ackgr
een.

"Art keeps us safe."


Tina Packer

"Ecstasy is a disembodied orgasm."

A b l

currently having one of those moments when I wish I had a (permamnentpartnerorwhatever)

"Shakespeare is closer to hip-hop....the interchange in the Black churches"

(than its usual "respectable" presentation"

I think I, today, wanted to go to church for the first time.


or something.

"Gravity"

"

If I get to know you:

Icouldleaveacopyofthekey

underneath
               the
                mat,
                   
                      Love.



"