sigh....
I think I'm ready to leave here. I desire to have my own space again, and I miss my people. I miss the freedom to move about without having to partake of public transportation or yield up offerings to ye olde god Toll. Once when I went home, I missed having it. Now I relish just about every moment I'm not using the train.
Or that could just be because I very much believe in the bike.
As it stands, I don't feel there's anything in particular for me to do here. Acting, at this moment, is not a powerful enough draw for me to be here...and that has been the case for the better part of this year. I've done a reading since I came back, and it was fine, but it's nothing I don't feel like I can't live without.
At home, I feel like there's an outlet for theater..even if I'm not the one on stage.
But....
there are the lingering reasons to be here: certain people I've met that I'll miss.
and I guess that's why people stay here.
If they're here, though....and I'm able to return occasionally.....doesn't that work? That's what I do now, but it's my family on the occasional end.
I don't think there's room any longer for that to happen.
When I was home, my father -
for the first time -
looked like my grandfather; his father...
The way I remember him looking, that gaunt face.
What happens if I blink and he's gone? Then, he's gone.
Today, I went to an audition. And it was cool.
Then I went to Madison Square Park and played paparazzo with the squirrels.
Then I met my Nederlander/Surinami/Cape Verdian friend who choreographs and moves beautifully and talked with her about how this place feels so foreign...even though I remember 2 years ago when she wanted so badly to be back here.
When I was at home, she and I communicated, and one of my reasons for coming back was to not miss her. 'Cuz folk who speak Dutch ain't exactly common where I'm from.
Then I went and leaned against the curb in the pedestrian mall next to the Flatiron Bldg. and took pictures.
You can't do that anywhere else, right?
But you can do that anywhere...right?
Then I stopped and got a falafel shawerma. At the boat, somebody gave me a card for the SI Critical Mass...and we started talking about how he knows people who have places to stay...
And the ride & walk back to the apt seemed easier than usual.
So, today made me go into my questioning mode. But I guess the good days are like that.
But, if you're gonna leave...don't you want to do so smiling?
So...I think NYC's got me for a few more months. Maybe.
(shrug)
I think I'm ready to leave here. I desire to have my own space again, and I miss my people. I miss the freedom to move about without having to partake of public transportation or yield up offerings to ye olde god Toll. Once when I went home, I missed having it. Now I relish just about every moment I'm not using the train.
Or that could just be because I very much believe in the bike.
As it stands, I don't feel there's anything in particular for me to do here. Acting, at this moment, is not a powerful enough draw for me to be here...and that has been the case for the better part of this year. I've done a reading since I came back, and it was fine, but it's nothing I don't feel like I can't live without.
At home, I feel like there's an outlet for theater..even if I'm not the one on stage.
But....
there are the lingering reasons to be here: certain people I've met that I'll miss.
and I guess that's why people stay here.
If they're here, though....and I'm able to return occasionally.....doesn't that work? That's what I do now, but it's my family on the occasional end.
I don't think there's room any longer for that to happen.
When I was home, my father -
for the first time -
looked like my grandfather; his father...
The way I remember him looking, that gaunt face.
What happens if I blink and he's gone? Then, he's gone.
Today, I went to an audition. And it was cool.
Then I went to Madison Square Park and played paparazzo with the squirrels.
Then I met my Nederlander/Surinami/Cape Verdian friend who choreographs and moves beautifully and talked with her about how this place feels so foreign...even though I remember 2 years ago when she wanted so badly to be back here.
When I was at home, she and I communicated, and one of my reasons for coming back was to not miss her. 'Cuz folk who speak Dutch ain't exactly common where I'm from.
Then I went and leaned against the curb in the pedestrian mall next to the Flatiron Bldg. and took pictures.
You can't do that anywhere else, right?
But you can do that anywhere...right?
Then I stopped and got a falafel shawerma. At the boat, somebody gave me a card for the SI Critical Mass...and we started talking about how he knows people who have places to stay...
And the ride & walk back to the apt seemed easier than usual.
So, today made me go into my questioning mode. But I guess the good days are like that.
But, if you're gonna leave...don't you want to do so smiling?
So...I think NYC's got me for a few more months. Maybe.
(shrug)
