Sunday, July 26, 2015

suspension

Heretofore, I have refrained from mentioning that I own a motorcycle.

In fact, I've often thought that I should be including the many lessons learned participating in the martial art, religious system and personal choice that is motorcycle ownership.

Some people have children, some people have pets. Others kick their children out and send the pets with them so they can have a motorcycle.

Motorcycles win. Period.

I've had the 1996 GS500E that I call Pokey for nearly 3 years now. He was purchased with a friend without whom, I probably wouldn't have gotten him.

I often personify him.

He teaches me new things, reminds me of things I already knew shows me things I should know better than. When I do right, he does right. When I do wrong, he lets me know it. He is usually forgiving.

(thought not always)

Motorcycling, perhaps even more so than bicycling, requires vigilance. You don't just ride defensively, you ride in aggressive defensiveness. On my best days, I am relaxed but acutely focused and, most importantly, actively communicating with other drivers. I do the same thing on the bicycle on my good days. It helps keep one safe and engenders a better relationship with cagers. It gets a bit like directing traffic...or conducting.

Due to some maintenance......and by maintenance I mean messing up some maintenance, Pokey had been down from November to June. It took me some time to get him all the way back up and running, so I've only really been back to riding for a few weeks to a month. As of last November, I'd really begun to get comfortable riding - even using the bike to do some courier work.

(want to really learn how to ride a motorcycle? fight NYC cabs with it.)

As comfortable as I'd gotten with it, I was surprised how rusty I've felt after the 8 month layoff. It's coming back. But it's not there yet.

On the bike, one of the thing big worries (annoyances, fears) is people not respecting your space/right to the lane.

When I'm comfortable, I anticipate people encroaching and will politely let them know to give space or direct them to take a spot that I'm comfortable with.

I'm not comfortable.

Therefore, I've been being angry and indignant instead of prescient and proactive.

Today, after going on a mind-clearing ride (during which I allowed myself to get caught up in a bit of a pissing contest with a driver), I was two turns away from home.

The first was a left from a stop sign and the second was a right turn at a traffic light.

I signalled  and made the left turn, pulling up to wait to make the right turn. While coming to a stop, I noticed the driver across the intersection from me didn't have her lights on. This is a strangely common occurrence in this area and I have an entire hypothesis about how the trend of designing instrument lights to always be illuminated leads to headlights not being turned when it's a dark...

....

uh. anyway...

I'm trying to get her attention. She isn't understanding my signal, so I'm trying to think I of how I can get her to understand her lights are off. Just then, a car pulls up next to me with it's turn signal on. This would have been somewhat acceptable had I not had my signal on to turn as well. When the light changed, he proceeded forward to turn. I looked over and indignantly honked and pulled around him to make my right turn. I got around him, then pulled into my parking lot.

As I pulled up to the garage, incredulous at the audacity of the driver, I realized why the driver made that decision: I had my LEFT turn signal on at the intersection.

Motorcycles, typically, don't have self-cancelling signals.

So, the left signal was still on from the turn at the stop sign.

And instantly felt like shite.

And still kind of feel like shite.

See, the thing is...that wasn't even the first time today I mis-indicated...

Or made several other mistakes.

Mistakes are something that comes with the bike. You can tell when you're having a bad day...if you accept it, you can overcome it. However, there are days where you know you need to just go home and come back out another day.

But this feels different, persistent.

Meaning: I am persistently uncomfortable, tense...focused too much on what is wrong with people instead of concentrating on the ride.

I was bad today, so I've decided to put myself on punishment.

No motorcycle for three days so I can think I about my behavior.

(insert final, self-reflective observation)




Tuesday, July 21, 2015

contrast.

nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition. nigger is a temporary state. nigger is a pervasive condition.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Ruminations on Timid Deer Ln.

While riding through a wealthy neighborhood tonight, I saw a doe and young buck with 4 velvety points.

This isn't unique in Staten Island, really. It was unique in that they were so close to houses...I'm suspicious they are being fed...

I turned around to make sure of what I'd seen/chance a second look. They seem used to being there because they were still there and had placed themselves in a bit of a corner. I shined my headlight directly in them. I moved a little closer, at which point I saw the right hind leg of the buck move in anticipation - I may have also revved to see if they would scatter, they didn't. At any rate, I took the motion to be anxious, didn't want to antagonize, also didn't want to get hit on the dimly lit, curving street. I ride away. Happy.

Now at home, I think about where I saw them. I wish the people in and near the projects had a wooded area where they might see young deer couple at night in early summer...instead if a Home Depot.

Everything that is natural and beautiful is kept to the folk with money. Beauty is a key part if humanity. There is less and less beautiful that po folk get to claim....thus are po folk convinced everything about them is ugly.

Cognitive dissonance: they learn to love ugly things...

Or maybe they just learn not to love. 

One wonders which is worse.


Saturday, June 20, 2015

what i think you should be seeing right now:

is Ruth Bader Ginsburg doing a dais interview in a smart black pantsuit,
white lace blouse and matching white lace gloves.

Graphic Enthusiam


So the New Dorp Library has a pretty nice graphic novel section.

Yes, that is hand drawn.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Currently on the boat

Sneaking a stare at a (mother?) with Bantu knots and the little boy she's with.

He's not really little, but has that squirminess belying having attained less than a decade of age.

She just took a selfie with him, beaming while he finished working on the (homework?) she was helping with. He: looking at paper, leaning on her bosom.

I can tell he will be tall with full, full face, lips & flared nose.

He looks as though he'd been hewn from Mahogany...

Or that he should be iterated by Kehinde Wiley in bronze.

and he ain't got no front teephus :)

I believe

I am past the point of mature, considered patience.


I simply don't have the energy to care anymore.

I now understand the escapist tendency of common folks.

Just give me somewhere to go where everyone looks, sounds, acts like me,
and I'll go.

humanity is done.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Dangling carrots...

That moment when you get a message via Actors Access =-O

that you have been removed from an appointment for NBC Diversity Casting :-(

that you didn't even know you had :-?

Thursday, June 04, 2015

And then that was that time,

like, and hour ago,

when you went for a walk at 2:30 in the morning and that lady stopped
you by Jersey St. and told you there was a guy looking at her from
across the street with no pants on masturbating...

And on the way back you stopped and saw the shadow move again and yelled
to him to go inside before a cop came by and you saw when and told them...

and on the way inside you saw your reflection and thought "this is the
face of somebody that strange women stop on the street in the middle of
the night and ask for help."



you remember that?

The Trade

I've just formed a hypothesis that Brits take so naturally to acting
partially due to practicing it from youth the way and with the frequency
that American youth are encouraged to practice sports.

It might seem strange that the culture that gave birth to Hollywood
wouldn't encourage it..until you realize how little Hollywood has to do
with practice.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

empathy day

One wonders if there is supposed to be a day when all "minorities" treat all other "minorities" with formal respect instead terms of endearment because one would think I/they/we should know how it feel/s.

Peace,

c w j

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

relief is that moment when you make a decision,

and you can finally close all those browser tabs...

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Benetton

...when the afro-Indio baby and the guessing Korean ( from assumed-mommy's newspaper ) realize that they  are the only two people on the train that speak their language.


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

loss and imagination

after returning from The Home State and while passing out for several hours,

I dreamed I was driving the old metallic grey 89 Camry near the Flatiron Bldg.

There was some delay up ahead and I got out to see what it was.

When I returned the car was gone.

Distraught, I went looking for it. The surroundings got far more suburban and I somehow was no longer wearing pants...or maybe I wasn't to begin with.

(end)

Sunday, April 05, 2015

Friday, April 03, 2015

Positive Reinforcement

Sometimes, when you're on the PATH and you voluntarily move so middle-aged couple can sit together, someone who doesn't look like you will wink and give you the wink/OK sign in approval.


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