Raisin Brahms

funny.

I want some Raisin Brahms.

I think that I think..

we need God...because we need somebody we can't lie to.

You don't have to be fearless...

just fear less.

(sometime after 3:30a)

(sits on floor in front of radiator under picture large window, arms outstretched, hands on cold glass)

"Our father, which art in heaven,

Hallowed be they name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors... and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever...
God, I'm asking for your help with the usual...asking for help with money.

(thinks)

Even though...even though -

(sighs, feels strong heat on his face; it seems to radiate up tangibly - billowing the hairs on his arms as it dissipates up into the cold above him; senses the metaphorical separation/difference of earth/heaven)

He continues to talk to God. He thinks, then he catches himself, forces himself to speak the words, as though he's realizing that saying them out loud forces him to deal with their truth.
He speaks....and comes to a realization, an epiphany...an honesty. It is scary. In the midst of the converstation with God he begins to think that he should be writing this - then relents. He wonders if tapping this out on a computer will relieve the words of their power, save him from the responsibility of realization.
As he does this, his thoughts begin to muddy...connection getting lost. He decides to try to write using the portable device he's playing music through (to aid focus, ironically) with the hope that he can channel the connection through the writing -> pray via performance. He struggles trying to maintain the connection while recollecting words. He fails.
He goes back to his computer. He turns it on. He sits, trying to remember the exchange.

(sighs)

...

He thinks about how in our times of need, we run to God begging....usually for the same thing, like children. He thinks about how told God that he'd asked in the past for this exact, same thing...
About how he, in that moment, questioned whether he meant it before - no - whether he truly believed that he would receive what he has asked for; if that's why he didn't receive it.
He remembers that, at the window, he considered how people, in those moments of desperation, will say all the things they'll do, change their lives, "do better"....
He remembers that it struck him how, when asking God for anything now, he just asks and concentrates on the idea of belief, yet doesn't deal with the idea of changing his personal protocol to do it. He remembers that the feeling in his body when he realized that he could not bring himself to say, "I will dedicate myself to you, God". He can't bring himself to say it, even to himself in his own head, let alone out loud where the universe can hear it.
He can't do it - because then he will be bound by the truth of it. He will be held to the responsibility of that dedication. He feared it. He remembers thinking to himself that, maybe this inability to dedicate to God is the reason he can no longer dedicate himself in a relationship...to a person.
Yet, when he thought about writing this realization instead of praying it, he resisted, not wanting to separate the words from their power. So what stopped him?

He stops.
Breathes.
Wonders what it means.
Wonders if he will ever grow up,
cease being fearful.

(wonders if he should go back and try to have another
talk with God)

The Reason I Refuse to See Shrek the Musical:

I need no other reason.

I wonder who works

at Fidelity near Xavier....

"Leroy" & Alabama vs. GSU

Breaking the Huddle: Integration

In the section about Wilbur Hackett, Jr.'s first game against the Univ. of Mississippi, Hackett's father recounts hearing "Leroy" used as a seemingly pejorative term for his son. I've seen this doc before, but it was on this second viewing that I was reminded that I'd heard a classmate use the name in reference to our Black classmate while in grammar school. I don't know how he came upon it. It's use wasn't malicious, and she didn't receive it that way. It was a joke between them, I thought...or perhaps he was calling her by her father's name, which is something we did as children. She is one of the those member of Black Gen X who was blessed with a name beginning in "La", so I thought it might have been the similarity to "Le".
But having just seen this program now makes me wonder. If I ever have the chance to speak to him again, I hope I remember to ask what the origin of that was.

A later story in the show is about USC's first game against the then still segregated Univ. of Alabama. One interviewee contributes that when USC's Black players led the team out onto the field, he heard an attendee remark:

I thought we were playing some team from California. That's Grambling!

The best jokes are always anecdotal.

ColorQ World

: interracial relations between non-Europeans


interesting.

New York City Chinatown > Newspaper Articles

New York School for Chinese Is a Magnet for Black Pupils

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	New York School for Chinese Is a Magnet for Black Pupils By YILU ZHAO November 2, 2002. New York Times, pg. A1
	[more articles about Shuang Wen Academy] Paul and Denise Gamble have never been to China, and they were never particularly interested in its language or culture. Yet their two school-age children attend Shuang Wen Academy, a public school on the Lower East Side where much of the day is spent learning Mandarin. Their children are part of an unexpected phenomenon at the four-year-old school: while most are children of Chinese immigrants, almost 10 percent of the students are black, and many of them come from the outer reaches of the city, enduring long trips for the chance to attend a school that has developed a reputation for excellence. ''When I tell my friends that my children are in a bilingual school learning Mandarin, some are shocked,'' Ms. Gamble said. ''Some think I'm crazy. Some ask, 'Why would you do that?' Well, I just want my children to have a good education.'' Shuang Wen is one of more than 150 small public schools established in the late 1990's as an alternative to larger, impersonal public schools. The school, whose name means dual language in Chinese, has many teachers who believe in dual-language education, and its goal is to teach students Mandarin and Chinese culture. Although only two of the school's first class of 45 students were not of Chinese descent, Shuang Wen gradually gained a reputation among some of the city's black middle-class parents for being nurturing yet rigorous. In last spring's citywide third-grade math and English tests, Shuang Wen ranked third in math and 23rd in English among the city's almost 1,000 elementary schools. Now, before the start of every school year, more and more black parents arrive at the office of the principal, Ling-Ling Chou, seeking admission for their children to the prekindergarten class -- which is based on interviews with prospective students and their parents. They are undeterred by the fact that their children will be among the few non-Asians in the school, or that Mandarin is famously difficult to master. Chinese instruction runs from 3 to 5:30 p.m. daily. All subjects, however, are taught in both languages. Shuang Wen is housed in a corner space in Public School 134, at East Broadway and Grand Street, and blacks are not the only non-Chinese among its 245 students. But the 23 black students are by far the largest non-Chinese group, outnumbering the 11 whites and 8 Hispanics. As an alternative school, Shuang Wen admits students from all five boroughs, and many of the black children live an hour or more away. There are no school buses serving them, and parents have to drop off and pick up their children. For Ms. Gamble, a supervisor for the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs, the trip from her family's brick house in Cambria Heights, Queens, starts at 6:45 a.m. Often, her car is stuck in traffic jams. To the Gambles and other black parents, the sacrifice -- long days for the children and a difficult trip for the adults -- is worth it. ''The long hours and the challenging curriculum are good preparation for the future,'' Mr. Gamble said, ''when they go to college, when they go to graduate school.'' But not all the black parents' friends agree. ''People would ask me, 'Why Chinese? Why not French? Why not Spanish?' '' said Bridgitte Fouche-Channer, another black parent whose daughter is in second grade and whose son is in kindergarten at Shuang Wen. ''I would ask them, 'Why not Chinese?' '' Sometimes, friends would even accuse the parents of betraying their heritage. Ms. Gamble had a ready answer. ''My children know their heritage,'' she said. ''They know they are African-Americans of West Indian descent. They are not Chinese, nor are they pretending to be Chinese. ''Call me a snob. Call me what you want. I just want my children to have a good, solid education.'' Ruth Smith, a lawyer who had considered sending her daughter to private school, remarked, ''If I had sent my child to a private school, she would be in the minority anyway, since that school would be mostly white.'' The Gambles have decided to send their third child, Patrick, 2, who can already sing ''Happy Birthday'' in Mandarin, to Shuang Wen in two years. Like many of the black parents of Shuang Wen students, Ms. Gamble, Ms. Fouche-Channer and Ms. Smith are from the West Indies, and that is not a coincidence, they said. ''Shuang Wen reminded us of the kind of schools we know from home,'' said Ms. Fouche-Channer, explaining that schools in Trinidad, Jamaica and the Dominican Republic are often strict and orderly, like Shuang Wen is. The Chinese parents are generally enthusiastic about the school's ethnic mix. ''The black kids are really nice, and they showed my kids the way when they were new at the school,'' Christine Chuah, who has two children at Shuang Wen, said in Chinese. ''They are seriously interested in learning Chinese, and we like that.'' The teachers, mostly Chinese-Americans or recent immigrants from Taiwan and China, have embraced the non-Asian children as well, offering them extra help with Mandarin. When Paul Michael, 8, the oldest Gamble child, started at Shuang Wen in second grade last fall, his parents and the school's teachers worried about whether he could catch up with his classmates, who had studied Chinese for two years. But his teacher, Li Ron Wu, had faith in him. ''Ms. Wu said, 'You can do it, Paul Michael. You can do it, Paul Michael. You will do it, Paul Michael.' '' Ms. Gamble said. ''And he did it.'' Now, his Chinese is on par with his classmates. Mrs. Smith, whose daughter, Iliana, 5, is in kindergarten, said that every day, as soon as she gets home, she asks to do her homework. Ms. Gamble said her children even ask to go to school on days when they are sick. Ms. Fouche-Channer said her daughter, Addis, a second grader, reads beyond her bedtime frequently. ''They love their school,'' said Ms. Fouche-Channer, whose younger child, Makonnen, is in kindergarten at Shuang Wen. ''That's the only way to describe it.'' With its academic success, Shuang Wen has become a desirable alternative not only to neighborhood public schools, but also, for some parents, to the city's elite private schools. Lydell Carter, a senior program officer with New Visions for Public Schools, an organization that has financed some of the city's alternative schools, including Shuang Wen, is a firm believer in early bilingual education. He transferred his son, Jelani, into the school's fourth grade from Friends Seminary, a well-known private school. Non-Asian children who started at Shuang Wen in the early grades appear to speak Mandarin as well as children of Chinese descent do, frequently without any trace of an American accent. And in classrooms, in the dining hall and on the playground, the non-Asian students and their immigrant classmates mingle easily, holding hands, arguing with and teasing one another, seemingly unaware of their racial difference. And a few black and Chinese families have become close. Joshua Foote, a black third grader, regularly calls Jennifer Shyue and her parents for help with Chinese homework, and the families sent the two children to a Chinese camp in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., last summer. Occasionally, however, some Chinese children will flaunt their higher marks in Mandarin tests to their non-Asian peers. Some black parents have also complained that the school did not take note of Black History Month. But Gabrielle Gamble, a first grader, sees all the children at the school as her friends, regardless of their ethnic backgrounds. At school one day, her teacher assigned her to be a buddy and guide for Linda Lin, a shy new classmate from Fujian Province in China. In the lunchroom, Gabrielle tried to shield Linda from the rambunctious boys while keeping her company. ''What do you like to do?'' Gabrielle asked, earnestly, in Mandarin. Linda, who was blushing, shook her head. ''Do you like food? Do you like toys?'' Gabrielle asked, again, in Mandarin. Again, Linda simply stared at her. Gabrielle looked away, sighed, and concluded, in English, ''She doesn't like talking. But I will keep talking to her.'' By the end of the day, Linda still wasn't talking. But, at least, she was smiling back at Gabrielle. *** Copyright 2002 The New York Times Company

Kenya-nese

Is This Young Kenyan Chinese?

BEIJING, July 11 -- Nearly 600 years ago, 20 Chinese sailors swam ashore an island off Kenya's east coast, having escaped from a shipwreck.

They went on to marry local women and convert to Islam.

Now a 19-year-old girl who claims to be one of their descendants has come to China to study, having been given a scholarship by the Chinese Government.

Mwamaka Sharifu, from Lamu island in Kenya, will begin her studies in September.

She says she is a descendant of sailors travelling with Chinese explorer Zheng He (1371-1435) in the Ming Dynasty.

Sharifu's story has attracted a lot of attention, as this year is the 600th anniversary of Zheng's first major voyage around the Indian Ocean. Some scholars believe Zheng is the first man to travel a direct sea route linking the Indian Ocean with the West.

Countless exhibitions, books and documentaries began coming out in China about his adventures. Sharifu was invited to China and arrived on July 1.

"I feel proud and happy to be part of it," she said. "I am looking forward to studying in China."

Sharifu said she admires Zheng's courage and adventurous spirit. "I was born as brave as my ancestors," she said. "It is rare for girls in my Muslim village to go so far to study, to such a big and different country."

"My mum and dad were worried about me. But I told them I will be fine in my home country."

Born to a poor family, Sharifu's father, Sharifu Lali, a fisherman, 55, and her mother Baraka Badi Shee, a housewife, 53, couldn't support her university education.

"The scholarship will change my life and the lives of the rest of my family," she said. "I believe that through hard work - a characteristic of the Chinese - I can make a better living."

Having already been to Shanghai, Taicang and Nanjing in Jiangsu Province, Sharifu appeared quiet when arriving in Beijing on Friday, where she will tour the Great Wall, the Forbidden City and Tian'anmen Square.

"China is far better than I thought. It is so beautiful and well-planned," she said.

"Beijing is a big city," Sharifu added. "But Taicang city will always be a special place for me as it is said it is where my ancestors came from."

Located in East China's Jiangsu Province, Taicang is where Zheng set sail from.

Legend in Lamu Island says two of the Chinese ships struck rocks off the eastern coast of Kenya and 20 sailors swam ashore. However, local tribes said they could only stay if they could kill a big python in the village.

One sailor - a master swordsman - lured the python out of the cave and killed it. The Chinese sailors stayed, married local women and converted to Islam.

The heritage of Chinese descendants in the African village has been passed on from generation to generation, not by written records but by oral tradition.

"My grandma said some Chinese sailors came to Kenya by way of the Indian Ocean. Most of them died after a storm at sea but some survived," Sharifu recalled.

Now, only six people on the island of 7,500 people are known as Chinese descendants. They are Sharifu, her mother, her two sisters and two younger brothers. However, despite Chinese porcelain being unearthed on the island and the existence of Chinese folklore there, it is not known if the group really are descendants of Zheng's sailors.

Sharifu said that in 2002 some Chinese experts came to her home and cut some of her mother's hair for DNA tests in China. Later, she said, they told her mother that she was a Chinese descendant.

The teenager was calm when being questioned about her Chinese blood, saying that people have a right to doubt her. "Asking questions will help people know more about me. And I am convinced that I am a true Chinese descendant."

Sharifu's story was put under the spotlight after she wrote a letter to the Chinese Embassy in Kenya last year, expressing her wish to pursue a higher education in China.

"I want to learn traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) so that I can treat my people in Kenya after graduation," she explained.

The Muslim girl wore a grey silk scarf around her neck.

"When I was in Kenya, I used to wear the scarf on my head. But now I keep it lower, because I think people here like to see me."

(Source: China Daily)

Have I mention

how quaint Flight of the Conchords is?

'Tis.

Quite.

"Sona"

She needs a pen pal, can you help her?

"Hello. Please do not be surprised this message is not spam mailing. You probably will be very surprised that I write you a letter. But yesterday, I was surprised, too, when my e-mail address, came a letter, which said about love, about the feelings among people. The main motto of this letter was the phrase «Looking for love and you      
will be happy». I liked the letter. In the list of e-mail address, I saw your e-mail and decided to write to you. Perhaps you are looking for love? Maybe this letter - the fate? I do not know how the man who sent me the letter, hear my personal e-mail. But I think it is not important. The most important thing is that now I can write you a letter. You know, I want you to learn more. But first, I want to tell a little about me. My name is Sona. I'm from Armenia. I am 27 years old. I have never been married and have no children. I am pretty, quiet, kind and sociable girl. I would be interested to talk with you and know you closer. I compose their communication with the primary objective - creating serious relationships. Relations without           
deception, without any games. I want to find this man who can love and respect me. I hope that you just want to find their love? I believe in romantic relationships, appearance and age is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that people know how to love and respect on this! I have different hobbies and interests, among them - sports, cooking, reading, music. Of particular interest to me a matter  
of housekeeping, cleaning the house. I like to experiment in the kitchen. I love animals. I am leading a healthy lifestyle. I do not smoke nor drink alcohol. My new friend, can you tell me about you? I want you to learn more. The following letters, I will tell you about me, in more detail.


I give you my e-mail address:  sonshabig@gmail.com


              
                                                                                                                                              
Of course, I will send you a lot of my photos, of whom you know my      
life. In my photo showing all the moments of my life - joy, muse, and   
even in some sad moments. I eagerly await your response will be. I      
really want you to learn more. Please do not forget about me. Your new  
friend from Armenia, Sona."

Sent to me from an address from a person named Jarrett LAY. Apparently the spammers have figured out not everyone responds to "male enhancement" and general porno spam.

"If you don't go when you want to go...

...when you do go, you'll find you've gone."

Name the quote, win a cookie.

Scent of a Woman

Currently watching Scent of a Woman. From I can tell, this is the only movie I know of wherein* he's not annoyed me. I can't sit through Scarface.

More and more I'm experiencing what everybody else has and understanding the hype.

*this is the second time I've used this in the past hour. Seems like there must be a limit.

Extra: During a promotional job, I went to the Labyrinth Theatre with someone and Philip S. Hoffman walked into a rehearsal room behind me.

More extra: The gentleman that plays the skycap who greets The Colonel and Charles at the airport on their way to New York directed a piece in the last show I worked on.

Cat Dancers

I've yet to figure out why I'm so fascinated by this documentary.

I'm, like, famous.

Geek famous.

sache'

This just in:

You don't have to be gay to have a better-than-average eye for transvestites.

But having so many women trying so damn hard is starting to make things harder.

Useless chatter....ole'!

Last night

a NYC actor told me I remind him of J. Wright.

About 40 mins earlier, the founder of a 40-yr-old theater company told me that I'd just performed "10 times better" in a reading that I had in a full production at said theater company a few weeks ago.

Moral?

Take it all for what you will.

3D

Earlier, I dreamed I was in a 32-bit, first-person 3D adventured game.

That is all.

I have something I need to say.

(currently waiting for the words to orient themselves)