Velma from Scooby Doo is half black.

STARTLING NEWS FROM THE NBA:

The Utah Jazz have finally redesigned their uniforms. Apparently, Salt Lake City is finally coming to grips with the fact their favoritest negro ever and the greatest of the great white hopes in the NBA have moved on...

pullupyadampants

I was getting on the boat the other day and saw what must be a world record for the lowest hanging britches ever.

Little dude in front of me was wearing a dashing Roca Wear ensemble, and the crotch of his pants was quite literally down to his ankles.

Do not misunderstand, I am very much a proponent of comfortably loose pants. I, however, have a test: if you pull your shirt above your waist and more than the waistband of your drawers are showing (assuming they're not pulled above your navel), then you apparently need a size smaller.

Other indicators that your breeches may have too much sag:

When wearing your light colored pants, you step onto curbs tentatively because you're worried about sullying the seat of them causing the young ladies to mistakenly think that you've soiled yourself.

You can't walk over 1-liter Coke(c) bottle without knocking it over.

People in the fashion district keep asking who designed your denim sarong...

These NYC cats take sag to a whole other (ridiculous) level.

My first official hang-out night in NYC

I've now officially "hung-out" in "The City".

After chatting with a former UT'er and his friends and then going to Junior's with another, I went to my roommate's girlfriend's birthday celebration (that was a long sentence...).

I took the boat back and rode home with two of the guests from the party. On the ride home, I was just getting out of the car when a strange, gurgly burp came from the rider in the back seat. We checked to see if he was OK because this young man had had a good few drinks. He said he was all right. I then caught a whiff of something slightly alcohol based with just a hint of digestive fluid. In the next second the back door was opening and the gentleman was quite calmly throwing up quite an amount of liquor.


I can't fathom the idea of voluntarily taking part in an activity after which it is fairly likely that I will vomit. That seems as though it would cause problems when chatting up the ladies. This is why I don't drink.

Of course, the image of me chatting to women at the bar would probably be a mite humorous to most who know me....

'Twas an interesting day indeed

I recently came to the realization that my junior high Math/Science teacher bears uncanny resemblance to Molly Shannon. Barbara Ann will chuckle when she reads this.

Is roller blading as fun as it looks?

Only 2 months in and Things Are Already getting Freudian

So...
I had a non-successful audition for a part on a pilot (that I wasn't really right for yet still managed to get enthusiastic about) yesterday. I was feeling a mite fretful after it, so I came on back to the apartment and decided to get a couple of hours of sleep that may have done me some good prior to the audition.
I drank a ginger beer (that's not alcohol, Dad, calm down) and passed out. I then proceeded to have a dream where I had a chance meeting with Danny Glover and he told me to get in contact with his production company.
Wow...nothing like subconscious desperation.

Another way the world should change:
There should be a rule that an auditioner should not be allowed to end an audition with the phrase "see you later". It gives the chanceless actor something to hang a false hope on when they need to get focused on not sucking at the next audition.

It's 9:18a on a Saturday morning and I've already been up for a couple of hours.

I'm getting old.

I hate current LG cellphone commercials. Although that adorable chile from Cyberchase is on one.

Nevertheless, they're stupid.

(exhale)

Sunday Afternoon in the city

I decided to ride along the Hudson River hike & bike path today. It was a pretty good little trip - from what I can tell, that sucker runs clear up the west side of Manhattan. That may be just warm up for Lance, but I gave up by 115th. OK, enough for the niceties. Here's what raised my full, voluptuous eyebrow today:

1) Before getting on the boat, some 5 (if that) foot woman with ass cheeks hanging out. I don't care if it doesn't show any more than a bikini. Save the beachwear for the beach. Interesting not to some: I believe this was an Italian woman, for sure not a youth (H-K, rejoice!).

2) Next, I saw a chile that had the most amazingly long, muscular arms that I think I've ever personally witnessed on a female.
She was at least 6'1'. Could be a model, but her face was proportionately too large for the rest of her body and she was a little pigeon toed. It seemed to me that she still had some growing to do – and that pigeon toes is a learned habit that can be unlearned. Regardless, there's got to be some sport at which this child excels. In Texas she would be forced by local government to play volleyball.
She had a baby with her. The way she doted gave me the impression that it was her child. If so, I hope that she not allowed that to be a hindrance when it shouldn't be.

Beautiful young woman...

I pray the best for her .

3) I decided to go back downtown through Central Park, saw the protesters milling about ("oh, yeah that convention thing is this week"). Saw conspiracy revealer Alex Jones interviewing people. He's got a show on Austin Community Access called Infowars thats nationally known (yes, I said it comes on cable access - people get out there and speak!). Google him and black helicopters if you don't know of his work. The weird part about it is that I'd seen a big black helicopter on the west side helipad that made me think about him.

the world continues to get smaller...

And now for the Living in New York City Lesson of the day:

There's a place over on the East Side 40th called Best Wings that has a turkey burger that is quite fine. It actually more of a sandwich than a burger; it was on some kind of deli roll instead of a bun, the lettuce generous and the tomato cut thick. The turkey patty was a mite thin, but that made it satisfying without being heavy. Plus it had some kind of mesquite sauce on it. Look at me. I am food critic.

I'm hungry and poor.

Peace

From now on I will try my best to restrict my business dealings to small, independently owned businesses and to take part in more co-operative ventures. Overly corporate entities contribute to miscommunication or lack of communication altogether. It promotes the problem of monetary privilege - companies will go to great lengths as long as you have money to spend, but put the consumer ever at the disadvantage when entering into a contract (which, between actual human beings generally exist as these strange, flexible, amorphous things called "agreements"). As we enter more contracts with more corporate entities, we become all the more conditioned to being hopelessly indebted (in debt) to them. We want to fight against them, but we don't have time to take away from our jobs because we have to have whatever it is they've convinced we can't live without. We will end up raising children who assume that whatever a corporation tells them. Omni-correctness.

Which, by default will make them omni-powerful.

Omni-correct
Omni-persuasive
Omni-political
Omniscient
Omni-philosophical

Omni-dominant.

Or maybe we are those children
(like you didn't know that was coming)

Support your local locale
(Hollye, put that on a T-shirt)

Peace

Testing One's Own Theory

Last week my mother endured some financial silliness (that was my fault) during which she came with that Bennett Fire(tm) the daughters of Annie Muriel are known for getting extra crunk at the drop of a camel hair. During the experience I thought how much easier it is to get anything done when one remains calm.

Now I get a call from a collection agency saying that I owe my old apt complex over $300. Given that when I saw the number I thought it might be an agent calling and I was just waking up, I got excited quickly. I dismissed that caller quickly ('cuz they'z on my daytime minutes), and call the complex. No one answers. I leave a terse but PG message stating how important it is that an apartment manager contact me regarding the matter.

Fast forward past the call to an office underling at the apt and a call back to the lady that called me earlier. I decide to check the property management company's website for contact information. During an e-mail to them, it occurs to me that my little theory regarding calm during tribulation has reared itself back on me. We'll see how I do...

Lessons learned:

When you rent make sure to pay attention to how many days past the last day of the month you have to pay before rent is considered late.
See how much the late fee is.
Check all fees regarding move-out cleaning (I had this covered, but good not to forget).
Check how much notice is needed before move-out.
ALWAYS look up a property in a search engine to see if there are news stories about it or online complaints. Check the BBB. You'll be happier.

OK, time to get off of the island.

Later.

Blessed

Something just occurred to me:

I went into grad school w/o much stage experience at all and I ended up leaving with my Equity card.

I arrived in NYC the last week of July. By this last week of August I recieved a letter letting me know that I was eligible to join SAG.

So I guess I can't be too upset that I didn't called back for Medal of Honor Rag.....

(but I do think I'll be upset enough to do better next time)

I went outside today at about 5:30p. The sun was out and pretty bright. There was a breeze. Humidity was comfortablly low (for all I know there was none). It felt like it was in the low 70s.

And it's not even September yet. This must be that "fall" season I've heard so much about.

Yay.

They paid this dude to write this?

Aside from my general position that "hating" is usually nothing more than telling people they shouldn't do dumb s#!*, I find the article below particularly useless.
It causes me to be all the more amazed that ESPN.com took a good idea like the Page 2 site and ruined it with Page 3.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page3/story?page=boyd/040820

Could I have just posted the article? Sure. But I wouldn't want to dilute any of this writing gold with my unfortunate tendency to "hate".

P.S.: Would somebody please remind the hip-hop acts that they got fans in all five boros? Next time somebody shouts out to the boros before or after their set, it would be nice if they'd remember to mention Staten Island. I was intending to live in at least a couple of the other boros while I'm here, but the more people from the other boros crap on SI, the more I think I'll stay here and enjoy not smelling the garbage (which is indeed ironic).

More fun Actor Living in New York Lessons

If you have an Equity principle audition at the Equity building, get there at 7a, schedule your audition for 5:00p, then go back home and go to sleep for three hours (or to a more convenient location on Manhattan, if you happen to be so blessed).

If you have an audition for a play and you have to get your own script for said audition, GET THAT @#%@# AS SOOOOON AS YOU CAN. The competition will make all available copies disappear quick!

At what point will women cease to crush their toes and kill their feet wearing unnatural and unnecessary high heel shoes? The madness must stop....

People, if you have a legitimate beef about something, by all means, raise stank to high heaven 'til that *ish gets fixed. However, if you are breaking a rule that you know is a rule (such as playing music/smoking on the ferry when its posted ALL OVER the thing that such activity is prohibited), just stop when asked. The only exception is organized is civil disobedience with readily provide-able reasoning for your position (organized doesn't mean it has to be more than you, but it does mean you have to have some justification that you can provide when asked).

I don't know if me and my roommate's West Highland terrier are going to make it until January. I just don't know....

The Kid Is 1 for 1

This past Friday I went out on my first audition.

Later that day I went on my first callback.

Yesterday, I booked my first job.

This is encouraging.

Yay God.

More fun stuff later...

The best crazy people money can buy.

So, I'm heading home on the 1 train last night at about midnight thirty. As I'm indulging in an abandoned New York Times, I see man coming into the car. He's walking and shaking some change in his hand. I assumed he was coming through asking for change. However, he didn't say anything to anyone as he made his way through the car. When he got just past me, he noticed something on the floor. I didn't see anything there, so I assumed that he saw some change under the seats. I watched him as he reached down and he started reaching for a spot on the floor where there was no money, so I was trying to figure out what he wanted there. All I could see was a tiny pile of some substance that look like crushed chalk on the floor. So the reaches and sticks his finger out and I realize that little pile of white is what he's going for – I say to myself, "Self, is he about to taste that,". And, of course, tastes it. (?!?!??!)
As everybody in the car sits stunned, the man stand back up and heads for the door at the front of the car. He pauses for a moment to adjust himself (which I was he was going to turn into a flashing), and then he shuffled on through to the next car like The Tramp.
A lady and I looked at each other as if to say, “I know this dude didn't just do the Crockett and Tubbs cocaine taste test on this stuff on the subway floor,”. He passed back through out car and headed toward the back of the train.

Life in NYC...wow.

After three road trips back and forth between Grambling, La and reaches as far-flung as White Plains, NY (and whatever I places I went while getting lost trying to get around White Plains) I have relocated to Staten Island. I was only here for FOUR days before I finally got up the courage to get on the ferry. I've been sleeping days and up nights and I didn't know if it was a bad a idea to ride late at night (what can I say, I've been conditioned)

Anyway, I took my first ferry ride yesterday. It's pretty nice to be on the outside on a nice day. Seems like a nice way to see the Statue of Liberty for free. I was headed into the city to scout a route for a meeting I have this Monday. One important thing I learned: I sweat like an ice cold Snapple when I'm downtown. It wasn't even really that hot out. Sweating can be a problem when you're headed to an audition, so I'm going to have to find a way to address that.

Two important things: heading left from an odd numbered building in Manhattan will not take you west. This isn't a problem if you're intent is to get to the East River. It IS a problem if you intend to head to West 57th. This will be very mentally noted.

Fact of New York life - if one person honks, everyone else must honk twice as long (at least). There were some streets blocked near midtown for a street festival. Put simply, this was causing hellafied gridlock (on a Saturday??). People finally started going crazy at one intersection, and this bus driver decided to lean on his horn for what was at least 3 minutes straight. I'm sure there's some horn communication system that NY'ers have devised that I don't yet understand. However, I won't be getting a chance to learn it 'cuz I WILL NOT be driving on Manhattan during the day. EVER. Don't even bother asking.