Monday, May 23, 2022

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

meme

I am sitting here reading, for the first time in almost-if-not 20 years what was, I think, the first play* I did completely outside of school (or through school affiliation).

I am reading it because I have assigned part of it for a class.

It's odd to feel the much nostalgia for something that didnt happen when I was a child...20-year-nostlagia.

Hm.

Saturday, March 05, 2022

"Exhilaration enhances the absorption of knowledge."

Spock from a memoir of his time in Starfleet Academy.

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

new love

 According to Uta Hagen in Respect for Acting, 

 

"amateur" 


in its original meaning, 


doesn't mean 'novice'.


it's means 'a lover'....as in a lover of something or someone who pursues something for love.


hm. 


amateur.

Monday, January 03, 2022

Friday, December 31, 2021

Friday, November 19, 2021

"..what is grief if not love persevering?"


The Vision - Wandavision ep 8

Wednesday, November 03, 2021

"The act of telling a story changes the tale."

The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk

Someone, please, cut this dog's nails...

...so I can cuddle her.

She is eager,

but she is sharp.

Saturday, October 16, 2021

A film centered on or near to an Afro father and euro son.

(Figuratively, etc)

Thursday, October 14, 2021

"your hair looks like a merkin from a giant"

phrasing.

I think I'm going to start a blog thet consists of just phrases I think are excellent ir excellently crafted.

First up: "irregular pubic borders"

(MAPLEWORTH MURDERS SEASON 1 EP 9)

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

1992 NYC Police Riot

As long as I lived there, I never heard about this.

 

One wonders how many of them were from SI.

 

https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2021/10/the-forgotten-city-hall-riot.html?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

"your reaction will lift you clear out of the region of such material matters as appetite."

Marilla - Anne with an E

Friday, September 17, 2021

Sweet Tooth dream

 I've been watching the series on netflix, and reading the comic series. I was reading it just before going to sleep, so I guess that had some influence on the dream.


 There's not much detail - I was in a that looked like the larger half of a sweet in the quadrangle at the University of Houston. I was there with three other people, and we appeared to be doing audio work or audio engineering. One person was, I guess, our boss. Her father showed up, who seem to want to take over or boss us around what were you doing. That didn't sit well with the other two people, and they seem to know that this was going to happen when he got there. When he got there and started doing just that, I said 'no, I'm leaving'. This upset the boss personal, and my response was to say 'okay if you want me to stay I'll stay'. That's where dream ended.

  The young boss lady appeared to be the character Bear from Sweet Tooth. 

  I've got no ideas as to potential meaning.  I did recently stay with someone who was acting in a supervisory position, and their father passed through one weekend. However, that doesn't really feel connected.

 

 

 

Thursday, September 09, 2021

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Friday, July 02, 2021

unwilling archivist

 I would really like to not..


Though I completely understand why I am going to, and can very calmly and objectively talk about that fact that I and my peers have reached that point where we are going to,

assuming our continued presence,


but I really, really would like to stop getting 


more


new


funeral programs.

Friday, June 25, 2021

 

"You think I'd let you starve to death?

 

 When I cut off my own arm to feed you, 


then you will know you're my child."


mama.

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind

Tuesday, June 08, 2021

but black & white

 an art/exhibit using nothing colored black or white.


came from thinking of wearing red black green..the replacement of gold/yellow/brown for black


and subsequent (need for?) removal of white



"The Dig"....'we search the past for the future...to see where we come from.

Monday, May 31, 2021

"People look at us and see the poor and the mad, but they're looking at us through the bars of their cages.

There's a palace in your head, boy. Learn to live in it always. "

Grant Morrison - THE INVISIBLES

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

dream

Dreamt my baby aunt G was alaive and young and had braids and we cuddled as we compared/competed over hair length and she showed pics she'd taken of my sister inngold braids and I said "everytime I see her I see Regina King" -

and a maroon 57 Chevy sped in and wheel-spun side-ways over a column on it's side to parallel park -

and checking G's artwork thst was looking on the wall to see if it's ok and " is it cool ? ", and me " this is worth hundred$ to a thou$and " and scoffing laughter -

and following them out and " respect a _l_ck woman's work " and gun pulled and stop -

and - 

and -

leave.

everyone leave.

Sunday, May 02, 2021

(sigh)

 i am just putting this here to remind me that I heard someone say "general anxiety" today and am wondering if I qualify.


currently trying to fend off another tension headache (bad morning posture)


haven't been able to turn of various perspectives going on in my head long enough to figure out if giving someone an answer on their time to a question I didn't even realize that I'd been asked was the best decision. 

(headache increasing)

 

i have reached that part of the future where I'm tired of the past rather than wishing for it.

 

tired. tired. tired.

 

 

do not, under any circumstances, fall for sugar and salt and fat.

Sunday, April 25, 2021

downtown tyler tx

of few times I have been through Tyler, TX and what I heard of it, I'd never quite expected to see this type of art there.


although I imagine it is intended somehow as a response to the former activities of the former train/cotton deport to which these are adjacent.


click for larger. worth it.









 

 

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Some short time ago, Derrick Chauvin was found guilty on 3 counts for the murder of George Floyd.

 

Though noone has, I know that there is someone somewhere in the world who would ask if this makes me happy.

 

I am not George Floyd's family.

 

I am not one of his friends that was left behind by his death.

 

I didn't know him personally.

 

This verdict does not change the factuality of his death. 

 

I cannot take joy in the circumstance of death.

 

I am not in the place to be able to take joy in conviction of the enactor of George Floyd's death - that is for those felt the shock of his loss, who feel the pain of his absence, those to whom he belonged and belongs.


I...


I will be glad for something that will take decades to see...actual change in this society from one based in actual human dignity rather than human material value.


I am...glad...

..that the people of Minneapolis and Houston and (wherever) were not given reason to protest their pain tonight.

Thursday, April 08, 2021

(sigh) II.

i need an ear.

an objective ear.

a silent, objective ear.


and i need a unsparing voice to fill it with.



and hours, days, weeks of time and stamina for them both


(the formula for stamina certainly includes a time variable, yes?)



i need a seductive, hypnotic, coercive, convincive, safe ear

that can pull out all of the truth that i will and won't say that keeps beating against what feels like my diaphragm with what feels like wooden gorge

so i can feel like the it's right
because it's all right

and not just the part my voice allows me to remember. 

(sigh)



n/m

Sunday, April 04, 2021

Dear Normal Human,

   Sometimes, I wish you coukd understand what it's look to seen as unfeeling because you can stand back and objectify often, but also feel like you feel EVERYTHING.

Bonus: also what it feels like to be functionally invisible and relentlessly conspicuous.


(somewhere some character in of the movies of Your Life is telling you to stop giving what they want and let them know they see you when They act like they don't 'MAMA I DID IT ALL BECAUSE OF YOU')

Wednesday, March 31, 2021

crisopa - que nos ataquen


Tuesday, March 30, 2021

compensation

Spotify just rewarded "watching"  a 30 sec video with Feel the Fire, Love Ballad and Slow Down. 

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

race is a lie.

 dismantling that lie does not mean that we un-become ourselves.

escribor

It just occurred to me, after listening to Glenn Washington and realizing that he just told somebody else's story -

like it was his own -

that writing one's own life...

can be a way of saying things that need to be said,

but feeling like you didn't have to do the

scary
embarrassing
dangerous

*feeling*

thing 

of saying those things

oneself. 

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

 I am sitting here thinking about how often I ask people "did you like" rather than "what did you think" or "how was it".


Those are all different things,


broadly or subtlely..

or admittance notwithstanding.



If I am a person that asks one instead of the other,

when did I become that person,

or am I what I would have been regardless?

Was I always this way, asking that question?

 

(just now, when typing that last sentence, I typed "also" instead of always, and left it that way and didn't realize what I'd done until I looked back up at it. More, more mistakes like that, that I don't realize seem to happen.)

 

 i feel like I should type leave more here. but nothing quite feels right.

(write)

(pun)

<flop>


random: do dogs really understand each other more than they do humans, or the humans with which they've been raised, or who/whatever they have socialized to? Is there such a thing as "dog language", or is dog communication simply determined by the individual animal?


insert shrug.


 

 

Monday, March 15, 2021

sitter

A skit on Portlandia about a grown adult getting a babysitter caused me to wonder about the actual presence of such.

I assumed I'd see something about paid companions (no quotes) as one might see in Japan.


Not that I had never heard of such, but it certainly wasn't what I had in mind.

Sunday, March 14, 2021

The Starmaker

I just walked through the family room and the episode of The Love Boat featuring the Pointer Sisters was playing.


I think I'm going to find a way to watch the whole thing, then come back here and have a thought on it.


Right now, there's something in my head about how something used to look so different compared to the moving pictures that came 40 years before it looks so different 40 years after it.


The Pointer Sisters, if you aren't aware, are/were/futuretense awesome.



Friday, March 05, 2021

I like broken, imperfect things

maybe because i am imperfect

maybe because i dont believe i am worthy

maybe because the only way i can regulate my impatience for others' imperfection is if i view them primarily as "imperfect"

maybe i only want to be around those that i think need my help

maybe i only want to be around others that elevate me


maybe i just think humility is beautiful.


maybe i love you because you are not perfect

maybe i dont know how to deal with others seeing me imperfect

maybe i have just given * because i used to think you were perfect



maybe i -


maybe...


maybe. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(* "up"? "in"? I can't remember what or whether something was supposed to go here -ed. 7/30/21)

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