#silence

"Rest now. You will leave. Take your ways with you."

 

 

 

(from, I believe, an episode of Star Trek: Picard...or Discovery....or Something - Ed. 7/30/21)

Fwd:

I miss the regular daytime quiet that would occur on Sundays when my (housemates) would both be at church.

I miss the regular shift in atmosphere on Sundays when a significant portion of the population would go to church, and the rest of the population felt some degree of guy about not going to church and, thus, would alter their consciousness/behavior un/consciously.

"Sunday slowdown"..

The communality of the day. Communal restfulness.

(days blend together so much)

I miss church, even though I don't go.

I recognize the need for church... See what happens when masses have no where to place their religious energy...zealotry.

Church needs skeptics.

But skeptics need church, too.

lineality

earlier:

while putting something in thr oven, imagining (mother) telling great grandchildren to call her "Bibi"

justnow:

while learning basic Swahili, find out that "bibj" tranalates to "grandmother" 

The Truth

 or

A Psalm for the Mis-led.

 

Love is not responsibility. Love is love. Take responsibility for your actions. Take responsibility for the care of you children. Love them because they need it to grow. So do you.

 

Deceit does not cultivate love. Any lie sown, even for the sake of a loved one, must be undone. Otherwise it will become a cancer. Lying for a loved one is not loving them. It is creating a false pretense. It will come to bear. All lies do. Lie hinders growth of the individual and of the relationship. The foundation of such is worse than weak...it is false. A weak foundation can be made strong. A false foundation cannot be made into anything - there is nothing there to build on, to make strong.

Don't hide your weakness from your children. Weakness is not a sin. They need to see you persevere so they know how. 

 

Be honest about your shortcomings. Be self-forgiving. Be long-suffering of other's shortcomings. Be encouraging of their self-forgiveness. This is how to teach forgiveness to them. This is how to teach love. This is how to love.

Love must accompany chastisement. There is no "I love you, but..". There can be "I love you and". Teach your children responsibility for their actions. Do no take out your embarrassment on them. They are not a failure. You are not a failure. You will make mistakes. They will make mistakes. A mistake is a tool for learning.

 

No healing is possible without the desire to heal. 

Do not run from pain. Do not run from discomfort. If you are unwilling to feel pain, you cannot feel love. One must be receptive....be willing to accept feeling, whatever it is. 

If you cannot feel pain, you cannot feel love....you cannot feel.

Emotion is the realm of the spirit. The "spirit" is the emotional self. Spirituality is dealing with the emotional self. Religion is a set of rules, ideas, philosophy. We all have emotion, we do not all share religion. Tend to the care of your spirit. Be attentive to the spirit of those you love. Be open to ways of tending to the care of all of your spirits.

 

Document your pain; let it pass. Remember what caused you pain as a child. There will come a time when you need it to relate to new children. This way you can heal generationally.  

Document you joy; let it pass. Remember what brought you joy as a child....give it to children. They need it to grow.

Allow your children to stumble. Allow them to see you stumble. Help them when they stumble, so they see that it is possible to get back up. Once they see they can get back up, let them. Stay close in case they need a reminder. Use them as a reminder that you can get back up. This way we can heal generationally.

Lead by example, not by expectations - lead TO and example, if you cannot BE an example. Let your children see your willingness to learn from someone else. This is not weakness. Humility is not weakness. What is it to say, "that child is not what I raised them to be", if you were not what you raised them to be, or you did not give them such an example? Give them the best you can. They will be what they will be.

Do not have children you are not willing to let go. The greatness of the sacrifice in having a child is not the time and effort and material...it is in knowing they will one day go away. You are growing, shaping, nurturing this entity for the sake of it going away. The child is like a work of art, it contains so much of you, your sweat, your blood. Yet, for it to be what it is intended to be, you have to set it out for the world and let it be whatever it is going to be.

Forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive them so that you can love. Forgive them so that you can truly learn from your experiences...understand why they hurt you, that they hurt you....to keep you from passing on that hurt.

Feel you heartbeat. Feel your ribcage expand. Allow you torso to move as much as it needs to. Your diapragm has a job, do not put yourself in its way. Allow your body to lengthen to make space for your breath. Allow the tension in your hands to melt into the air. 

Allow the tension in you neck to melt into the air. 

Allow the tension in your stomach to melt into the air. 

Allow the tension in your legs to melt into the air.

Allow the tension in your mind to melt into the air.

 

The heart is the muscle with the most to do. Be gentle.

The heart bears the burden of your pain. Be gentle.

Love is a decision. Be brave.

Amen.

Ascension

At this moment, I am thinking about "hug my neck" and it's deeper meanings/callback to childhood/(insert psyche term I don't know and am struggling to formulate).

And I am thinking about my Aunt T...who I think was the first I heard say it... though it may have been MaryAnn.

remedy

after nearly a year of all of this, i have finally begun having Covid 19 dreams.

i think they mostly reviled around being somewhere without a mask.

(interesting enough, I think one several nights ago had me in a government building sans mask)

Just now, it was of being in a house full of folk who don't look like me, giving myself... well, attempting to give myself a the vaccine, which I seemed to be doing via a short IV extension instead of directly with hypodermic needle (at a loss for the correct terminology).

No - I think I was inserting a needle, then attaching the dose to that.

Anyway..

I got the needle inserted into my belly area (which may be from my current state of excess insulation), and THEN wondered if I had inserted it into the right place. At that point I decided to ask for assistance and sought out "Mom".

I left the wash/utility room I was in (with needle still inserted) and found a room filled with young persons (again, who don't look like me) and a long banquet-ish table. I was finally directed to "Mom" (younger than me) who gave me the "not my area of expertise" face. She directed me to an older teen boy - tall, large lad with dark, curly, long-ish hair who she characterized as "knowing how to do that". The impression seemed to be that he had some condition that required him to learn to inject himself. 

We began to walk off and that is where I began to wake.

I still have a mental impression of something inserted into longways into my midsection.

So... this is what comes of a day off listening/watching deluded and otherwise people force their way into a government building at the behest of a person with several mental/emotional maladies after malefactors who used stupid and duplicity to get a TAX BREAK decided to put on one last show and it blew up in their collective faces.

The non-natives got very restless yesterday, but not in any way they hadn't already showed us they would.

I guess this is why America needs church and football.

apologies for typos.

" I have killed,

, but I am not a monster.

Monsters are never afraid,

and I'm afraid all the time. "

"People are tribal.

The more settled things are, the bigger the tribes cab be.

The churn comes, and the tribes get small again. "

Amos - THE EXPANSE - s5e6

"why can't they just believe what I say?

why do they only learn from pain?

- philipa georgiou

I know I'm too sedentary and * causing me to harbor anxiety,

because I just had what is a rare, if not unique dream about being in a relatively confined space with a group of 10-or-more strangers without sufficient masking.

And, you know, in the middle of an epidemic.

 

 

 

 

*( it's/that's - Ed. 7/30/21)