Rat. Turtle. Snake

Ringmaster

Well, tonight I choreographed my first stage fight scene.

Interesting.

The Bus for the Discerning Rider

Turkey Hangover

I suppose I've never been out on the night before Thanksgiving before, but I certainly never knew how much like Saturday night it is.

(currently sitting in terminal waiting for boat and surrounded by drunkards)

"I remember we were in Papua New Guinea once

 There are like 370 tribes there and they’re not nomadic, so they all stay on their pieces of land. They all speak their own languages. One of them told us that if you change your body after you come out of your mother’s womb, you’re disrespecting your mother. You’re disrespecting what she gave you… you need to embrace what you have."

Brian Spitzer 

Motorcycle derivation

Riding a fast bike slow = (not fun)

Riding a slow bike fast = (fun)

Riding a slow bike slow = (enjoyable)

Riding a slow bike slow on a 40-and-below day = (55 cool points)

" Nigger Hit Us All..."

The following is a post to facebook by Dominique Morisseau. We are acquainted via the minute vastness that is the world of theatre in NYC. If you want to know who is and what she does, consult your local internet search engine. She got credits, son.

Read.

*****

Nigger Hit Us All...

October 30, 2010 at 12:40pm

A tradition of mine to re-post an experience I had a few years ago on Oct 31st....

Halloween. 1:30am. Most crowded A Train ride of my life. Really. On the way to Brooklyn- smooshed into the train car and separated from my friends like we were going through the middle passage. Moist naked skin from ridiculous Halloween costumes puts me way too close to the touch of some random man's hairy legs. I'm already dyin', and the drama has yet to begin.

We get to West 4th and the car gets unloaded by the many people still in search of the next party to swing to, and my man and I catch two empty seats together. We think we are free. The train re-fills with some more crazies and the train takes off. Then it happens.

A White man, his girlfriend, and some young pre-teen that is with them, all enter the train- pushing past the tall older teens and young adults, some just costume-less, some faces masked in monster-ness or stocking caps and the like.

I guess somebody touched the White man's hair. It's reddish brown and wild and I'm hoping he is wearing a costume, but in NYC- you just never know. But somebody must've touched his hair, cuz he starts screaming "Don't touch my fucking hair" really loudly on the train. His girlfriend and the pre-teen with him look embarassed. They try to quiet him down. The murmurs and laughter of the masked teens get louder as they shout stuff back to him. It's inarticulate.

But the White man continues his rant, until he's so angry. So wild-eyed. So drunk. He spews amidst the laughter - "I can't stand all you stupid niggers".

A beat. A long moment of silence. Time damn near froze. The word "niggers" hit us all. The people sitting on the sidelines. The children in Halloween costumes rummaging through their candy. The mother standing right behind the White man- who kept flinching from his reckless elbows in her side. She covers her baby in the stroller that he is unconsciously pushing her into. The heat rises in all of our collective throats. We are all immediately pissed. Collectively ready to kick his ass.

"I can't stand all you stupid niggers". Beat. The train erupts in "WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" from about twenty Black and Brown voices, but it felt like a million of us. A million people ready to pound this drunk man into oblivion.

I can't hear my own heartbeat. I stand and scream something I can't even remember. I can't even hear cuz we are all screaming at this man at the same time. I was ready to spit on him. To throw something at him. My man stood up, ready to do the same. The blood was rushing through us like crazy. "We are going to kill your ass," I was thinking.

Then suddenly, I look to my right, at the little boy, six-years old-lookin', brown-skinned, fake blood coloring his face, and fake knife going through his head. He looked so excited about his candy just moments ago. Now he stood, back against the train wall. Out of his seat. Invisible to everyone else because the rage was focused on the man who had just cursed us all. Even his mother didn't see him. But I did. His eyes were wide and alarmed. He look FRIGHTENED by the mayhem. FRIGHTENED.

I touch him gently. Shield him with my arm. "It's okay, baby. It's alright." He looks at me and starts to cry. I realize he should hardly trust me. Just seconds ago, he probably heard me cursing something obscene and horrible. I instantly hate myself for losing my cool.

My man sees the boy too. We both start to comfort him. Then the stranger next to him ruffles his hair a bit to calm him down. Finally the mother sees, and tries to join in the comfort, but must stay standing to protect her younger one in the stroller. The noise and screaming is still going on all around us.

The White man is screaming and cursing so much I think I can see his lungs. The train is so overwhelemed with adrenaline and hatred I think we are going to ride this thing straight into Hell. Or I think this White man is about to be pulvarized.

We pull into the next stop quickly, and everyone warns this man that he better "get the _____ off the train". He pushes past all the people. The innocent Black, Brown and White faces that he whizzes by hear all the noise but missed the details and have no idea why they should hate this man.... but they do. You can tell. White man makes it free off of the train, but looks back to see that his girlfriend and the preteen have been left behind. He has left them on the train with US. It is his grave mistake.

He starts banging on the train window for her to get off. She is called Maya. "Maya PLEASE GET OFF THE TRAIN" he screams and bangs on the window. The word "niggers" flies from his mouth again, and he is sending electricity through this train that none of us is prepared for.

For whatever reasons, Maya never got off. Neither did the pre-teen. The train doors close and pull off, and the Black and Brown bodies on the train start laughing. Laughing that Maya is left on the train with this angry pack of wolves. Left to the "niggers".

It's a little funny at first. As the train pulls away, we laugh at the fool for leaving his girlfriend and this pre-teen behind. What an idiot. What a coward.

But then... Maya begins to catch all the hell he left behind. The teenagers and young adults start messing with her. The pre-teen is falling apart by this point. His curly hair is compared to "Sideshow Bob" by the teenagers. Maya, whose piercings and red hair make her the target of a number of stereotypical White punk rocker jokes, gets called "Pink", and "Eminem", and is taunted and yelled at the entire train ride home.

Maya is afraid, but she is a fighter. She curses back. She stands her short ground next to the tall group of guys and girls that taunt her. "I"m from Brooklyn" she declares. That's supposed to give her some clout. It doesn't much. But in hind sight- she got points for standing up for herself. Which is more than we can say for the White man who left her to "the wolves".

But the pre-teen is broken. The yelling and the taunting is too much for him. It's too much for the little brown boy. It's just too much. The pre-teen is afraid. He is embarassed by the White man's actions. He looks to me and my man and begins crying and apologizing profusely.

"I'm...I'm sorry" he keeps saying through a quivering voice and tears. His body is shaking and I fear that he may faint or collapse. He, like the little brown boy, is FRIGHTENED by the mayhem.

I reach out to him also. Try to touch his arm. Calm him. He's just a child himself. "It's okay," I try to tell him. "Don't be scared, honey. You will be fine. They are just being silly."

But ain't nothin' funny about it. Not to him, at least. Not to Maya. Not to the little brown boy. And eventually, not to me. Not to my man. Not to the others on the car who are getting tired of the teenagers and their loudness and their rude racial jokes. We are getting TIRED.

And as we sit on this hellishly long train ride, I realize what this word "nigger" has done to us. It hit us all. Not just the teenagers. Not just the Black and Brown train passengers. All of us. Maya was scorned by it. Had to ride home in its aftermath. The pre-teen was traumatized over it. Will now be afraid of Black and Brown people for what could be the rest of his life. Every White person that got on that train was now a target. Because the Black and Brown teenagers had to reclaim the power that was stripped from them by this word. They had to spit back the hate any way they could find. Become the "wolves" that they were being treated as.

And I was wondering to myself, as my man and I were walking our friend home... glad to be off of that A Train... glad to finally be in Brooklyn....still hearing the yelling and taunting in our own minds....

Were we even mad at that White man? Drunk off his behind and completely stupid and not to be taken seriously in any way whatsoever. Was it he who offended us? Or was it the word?

Nigger. Nigger - when said that way makes us less than. Makes us inferior. Makes us aware of our "place" in the world, even as one of us sits in the highest seat in the country. We can still be stripped of our dignity. We can still be dehumanized. Still be impoverished and ignored and humiliated.

Whether the White man says it to us.... whether we say it to ourselves..... we have given that damn word waaaaay too much power. Waaaaaaaaaaayyy too too much.....

*****

Nocturne

I just got off the train and able to walk fairly normally after suffering through a laziness-sowed, stress-triggered back cramp for two days. Stepping off the train and walking toward the work vehicle on wee-hour Saturday morning, I usually regard the youth exiting the local ballroom and on/from/at the diner where they find their mythical, rationalized inebriation cures.

(aka: eat something)

At first it was the usual age-objectified judgment that I was no longer interested in such.

Then I noticed that the mid-October morning was a more pleasant cool than it seemed when I first emerged from underground.

Then I appreciated that the episode of the NPR podcast that I'm listening to was one of the better in recent memory.

Then that late/early frolicking didn't look so bad.

The point?

I probably want to spend a late night out making just a little too much noise eating a little too much pancake once more.

As soon as my back feels better.

p.s.: I also need a fall state/county fair to wallow in.

And for 5 guys to get real whole grain buns and a beef alternative.

Off to work...

Blockhead - Sunday Seance

I just saw a group of children

wearing t-shirts that said "laziness causes pain" on the back.

I am currently amazed

at how faraway heading home at 3 to 5am on a weekly basis seems now.

You know what I didn't need to see?

An older woman bent over urinating between parked cars.

And a 6/7 year old wearing jeans off the ass over shorts.

And it started off as such a nice day...

" And remember...

,,,with enough profanity, you can accomplish anything."

Harmony

Today I was told that I have a 3 octave (plus 1 or 2 notes).

This was during my first formalized singing training.

I've been thinking about whether I should be doing something musical.

I don't know that it was apparent to the coach during the sessions that I had moments when was near having a "moment".

I have been thinking that I should be doing something other.

Hm.

Thompson & Grand

The joy of using the NYPL branch at 23rd & 7th

is watching someone place the laptop they checked out on top of their cart and wheel it into the public restroom so their music video watching isn't interrupted.

8-/

I simply adore

when I ask a "is it (a) or (b) and am told merely yes or no.

Though it is a great way to show someone when they didn't bother to read the whole question.

Peace,

c. walker jr.

I really wish I could sneak a close-up

of the wide-face, squat head baby sitting across from me on the bus right now.

Sign you've been on one place too long #1xxxx:

Remembering when this was clean.

I like seeing babies fall...

..get back up again.

Morsel - Para Siempre

Mmm...
Yes.

"One of the beauties of Jungle Law is that punishment settles all scores. There is no nagging afterward."

From Kaa's Hunting,  Jungle Book

So here's something I didn't think actually existed.

Have I ever told you thongs are disgusting?

Oh, well: thongs are disgusting.

Thongs as underwear are only acceptable in the context of lingerie.

As in, "excuse me while I put on something more comfortable" lingerie.

In fact, I go out with female-person, and she wants to thong it up at some point, she is going to have to make the thong part of her costume change.

That change should accompany a shower. Thongs as utility underwear should be banned with the exceptions for certain activity/occupation-based garments.

(dancers, various forms of athletics)

And, again, note that a SHOWER soon after will be involved.

Even primitive cultures that use thongs don't wear them in a manner that so flosses as the average western thong.

Thongs make me angry....as do Urban Outfitters and whoever else is responsible for 14-year-olds thinking it cute to walk around with their ass cheeks gadding about.

:-#

USB cable as a belt ?

Not so much.

Saturday nite alcohol consumption strikes again.

:-#

So, I just saw this parking.lot attendant

hit a car.

In case you were wondering what happens to your car when you pay to park in NYC.

Kodomo - Concept 15

(gasp!)

Unsolicited

Me: (standing outside jazz club waiting for someone, my headset and headphone in hand, just finished listening to voicemail)

Older gentleman who walks up: What do you do?

Me: I'm waiting for someone

Him: No, what do you do

Me: actor

Him: actor? What are you doing messing with technology? You're emotionally constipated. You have to be (something to create)

Me: Dude, it's just a phone.

Teaching Birlliance

swat.

I'm pretty sure that I had a dream that I did a Mutombo GEICO commercial-style swatting of somones attempt to tozs something into something  last night.

Or recently.

Or something.

I'm kinda hoping it was just a dream...

Some things aren't funny in real life.

From a Sunday afternoon in NYC

I am almost impressed that the topless Vegas-style girl in Times Square* already has a bootleg, disinterested doppleganger.

(*who was a bit bootleg to begin with, as the one I saw was obviously not schooled in the proper movement style and was wearing flip-flops)

Until subway cars are made so that the entire side opens up, people will continue to crowd the areas just inside the doors....despite the wealth of empty space in the middle of the car.

(thinking)

No. that wouldn't help. These lemmings will continue to do things that defy logic and damn sensible nerves.

Dyson does not improve things anymore, he simply tweaks his designs to justify replacing his old designs with a products with lots of fun profit margin built in.

(aka: the curse of the apple tax)

I will not likely stand on a corner and preach to you about getting proper in your religion, but it takes a great deal of energy to keep me from RAILING at you about you letting your daughter come out of the house/hotel/camper with butt cheek-baring shortpants. I may just smite you.

Contrary to what you want to believe, those super-high, narrow-wedge heels were not actually meant to be worn as daily footwear. The model puts them on, the photog takes the picture, the model takes them off. One of you is going to fall off of those things and hurt yourself....and you're going to wonder why you have gnarled witch feet and varicose veins when you're 40. Stop it.

Knowing that you shouldn't stop for nachos while power-walking from 65th to South Ferry will not stop you from stopping for nachos at 14th Street; thereby ending your power walk at Chambers even though you managed to find a clean bathroom on Canal at 1:30 AM.

Roaches aren't particularly interested in finding food in your house, they just really enjoy climbing all over your stuff.

Ba'el vs Worf

"They will kill you."

"Yes, but they will not defeat me."

upon searching for whom were the enslaved Africans

Found this interesting given the citation of a naive African writer....and a previous conversation about minorities having their own voice from this past Friday...

(and understanding that Africans are not really the "minority" in this instance)

"Slavery was practiced in some parts of Africa,^[16] Europe,^[16] Asia^[16] and the Americas before the beginning of the Atlantic slave trade. There is evidence that enslaved people from some African states were exported to other states in Africa, Europe and Asia prior to the European colonization of the Americas.^[17] The African slave trade provided a large number of slaves to Europeans.^[18][19]
The Atlantic slave trade was not the only slave trade from Africa, although it was the largest in volume and intensity. As Elikia M’bokolo wrote in Le Monde diplomatique: "The African continent was bled of its human resources via all possible routes. Across the Sahara, through the Red Sea, from the Indian Ocean ports and across the Atlantic. At least ten centuries of slavery for the benefit of the Muslim countries (from the ninth to the nineteenth).... Four million enslaved people exported via the Red Sea, another four million^[20] through the Swahili ports of the Indian Ocean, perhaps as many as nine million along the trans-Saharan caravan route, and eleven to twenty million (depending on the author) across the Atlantic Ocean."^[21]
According to John K. Thornton, Europeans usually bought enslaved people who were captured in endemic warfare between African states.^[22] There were also Africans who had made a business out of capturing Africans from neighboring ethnic groups or war captives and selling them.^[23] People living around the Niger River were transported from these markets to the coast and sold at European trading ports in exchange for muskets (matchlock between 1540–1606 but flintlock from then on) and manufactured goods such as cloth or alcohol.^[24] However, the European demand for slaves provided a large new market for the already existing trade.^[25] Further, while those held in slavery in their own region of Africa might hope to escape, those shipped away had little chance of returning to Africa."

via, wikipedia

In The midst of my current Star Trek viewing

...in which I'm revisiting old Treks and becoming acquainted with new ones (i.e.: Enterprise),

I've realized for the first time that Deanna Troi was a com officer and dilithium is lithium with two atoms.

All this time I thought she was brought purely for the sake of her clairvoyance and never considered that was just the word lithium with a prefix.

Which all sort of point to not having been quite as big a fan of Sat as I thought....

I was still the only little brown child that I knew of in rural-ish north Louisiana that cared about ST and was really excited at the prospect of TNG.

(now back to watching Mirror Mirror to stare at Uhura's abs some more)

chemistry

I made the mistake of eating mint choc chip Hagen Daaz Sunday.

I am now about to start a protest to get Trader Joes to sell a soy cream version of the same,

because there are some things methadone just can't help.

Sugar remains the magic fairy dust of the devil.

Dairy is a mu$^%&*#@#$er, too.

lil' mamacita & granpawpaw

Setting: walking out of the one-and-only diner on Roosevelt Island

L'Mamacita - 11-12, dark hair festooned with the loose wool of Afric cut with Carib, pulled back yet flowing with a downturned bound, sleeveless white blouse, black slacks, patent black quarter-heels

Granpawpaw - blue ballcap brown slack, navy windbeaker. You know. Grandpawpaw. Same height as she, hands-in-pockets.

•lights up as they exit diner, x-Ing DR

LM: Di-, di-, di-, did you, like, hear me?

GPP: (vocal but not verbal mild affirmative response)

LM: but what about, like, the high notes?

• they cross offstage, continuing unintelligibly. Lights down.

(scene)

Get up, get out.

During the past week I have had:

• humidity induced swelling in surgically repaired right knee
• tendinitis on big tow of same
• Pulled left hamstring from a trip while running
• residual soreness in left foot from standing on bike too much during previous week

Riding the bike seemed to aid in making them all go away or feel better.

There is no better medicine than exercise even when overexertion is the cause of the injury.

All things in moderation,
but never sit for too long.

P.S. - Tiger Balm patches and stretching is the *ish.

P.S.S. - Limping up and seeing the set medic smoking, then telling him (hamstring) with his response being to point at your quadriceps is not confidence inspiring.

Rarely are YT videos good enough for me to put on my blog.

This is.

currently wondering:

what I need to do to get my lungs to match the potential of my thighs.

Plaid - Small Energies
Ray Mang - Aphreako
Peace Orchestra - Double Drums (Dj Dsl Mix)
A Man Called Adam - Estelle

Ritual union

By little dragon

gets the grrrface.

(yeah)

Kings of Leon

"Closer"

(headbang)

Aqueous Transmission - Incubus

Glorious!

Beetlebum: Moby's Mix - Blur

:-o

the prestige

I just had a dream that Elton John was on an outdoor daytime stage with an invited fan to his left playing and doing some fantastical tricks on an upright piano he was making sound like a grand.

After she responds by showing some gumptions and trying to really play something, he responds by doing a hearty impression of some R&B/neosoul-ish song of recent vintage that would be sort of impressive if he knew, but I really liked.


This is what happens when you're two phones failed to roust you enough that you come out of sleep.

Whatever the song is, it has resulted in something that was completely made up by my brain called "Where Did/Does Love Go (and Have You Found Out the Meaning)" which sounds to be remarkably inspired by René & Ángela's hit "My First Love".

There was no music playing while I was asleep, save for whatever accompanied my roommates television watching.

Such is what my brain is capable of in its sleep mode.

Bluetech

"The mistake is continually made of considering these types as transitions between absolute Caucasians and absolute Negroes."

"No such absolute type ever existed on either side. Both were slowly differentiated from a common ancestry and continually remingled their blood while the differentiating was progressing. From prehistoric times down to to-day Africa is, in this sense, primarily the land of the mulatto. So, too, was earlier Europe and Asia; only in these countries the mulatto was early bleached by the climate, while in Africa he was darkened."

Du Bois, W. E. B., 1915, The Negro (p. 8). Kindle Edition.

Reachin'

Just saw this chile go all the way down the back of her sports tights to adjust her thongly doings.

Perhaps she thought I'd left the room.

Hopefully she washes her hand before she touches the food.

For the first time. ever

"Say I ain't tryin' to, to - whatchu call that shit - stereotype, but you got some weed?"

respect and appreciation.

new york is slightly less horrible tonight.

(walking north on the west side of ave A btwn 7th/8th)

Sze Man Chan

Glowrious

Tonight, after seeing a reading of a friend's play that I find interesting and genuinely good, I was standing around running my insufferable yack as is my general wont when one of the actors came over. She introduced herself and said that we'd met before at an audition (which is entirely possible, I have come to accept that I have already come across anybody in this city who is "of color" and an actor), though I wouldn't recognize her because her hair was straight at the time.

Then she stated that she remembered me because I was so pretty.

Now, I have been complimented for appearance in the past, and used to dress kind of nice and was likely referred to for at least some time as a pretty boy, but never quite in this manner....it was strange as a male....and..just strange.

She went on thought to explain that she meant I had a "pretty aura"....

The other lady I was speaking to at the time (whom I'd just done a reading with) agreed.

??

 Hm.

A pretty aura. Interesting.

I guess I'd had a good audition? I try to be encouraging regardless of my relationship to the audition room on that particuarly day. Performers go through enough. I feel like if I'm going to not get it, let me not get it because someone brought that fire: so let me radiate some heat.

You know?


...

It's difficult for we self-deprecative curmudgeons to accept praise, particularly when it might suggest we are anything but wholly curmudgeonly creatures.

So ... "pretty aura".

hm...

interesting.

:-#

Kollektiv Turmstrasse - Ordinary (Lake People's Circle Motive Remix)

 

(pinokoface)

Sophie & Ives - Awaken

Random Re: twowheelistry

On in-permanence and the ephemeral nature of wonderful old people who you wish would be there forever

(Below are a couple long e-mail responses sent a few years ago to a friend who had just graduated to that part of life when she became a member of her middle generation - her parents are now the oldest generation, a bit of the details about my experience during my progenitors' lastdays/moments and a bit of my ramblings about us as a species, just-sort-of-come-across-without-looking while doing this morning's email survey. Italics indicate additions for clarity.)
___

I'm unsure if I ever laid out this timeline, but...


   In February of my second semester at college, the phone woke me up one morning. It was my mother who called to tell me that my Aunt Gwen was dead.

   Out of the blue

   They came and got me for the funeral, and I went. I flew back to Houston - it was the only time I flew while in school...actually it was the first time I'd been in a plane since the single digits and the last until I was in grad school many years later....

   I know I talked to my grandmother during that, but I've no idea what I said or what the last thing she said to me was,

but I know that was the last thing she said to me, or least the last time I heard the voice that I recognized...

  Two weeks after my aunt's funeral, she had a stroke and never regained the use of more than half of her body. It probably wasn't even half.

  The last time I spoke to her and she was at all lucid, it was at my aunt's house . At that point I think she could utter sound, but used a block (a kid's letter block) to indicate responses and a basic hand signing system that she and her daughters had worked out. She could use one hand enough to wipe her face a little - she could (not) close her mouth fully, so saliva would run down her cheek. I don't remember what I said and didn't really know what to say...much as I doubt I knew what to say the last time I saw her standing...

   Something blandly encouraging..I don't know.

   I didn't stay in the room long. I leaned down and hugged her a little or kissed her cheek; I think I was worried about making her feel self-conscious of her getting my face wet. I think she
   reached up with the arm that wasn't paralyzed.

   That was probably 3 months after the stroke.

   She'd go on to have another two strokes before passing as the sky was becoming dawn-colored on the first day of the following year.
 
   She was 3 weeks shy of turning 66 (according birth records).

   A few months later, my other grandmother, who'd lived for a few years after having her first stroke and being taken care of by her (numerous) daughters passed in Illinois. The last time I saw her she was in a  wheel chair...I doubt she recognized me.

   The only grandfather I've ever known was her husband. He'd passed back in October of 1991. The last time I saw him was in a hospital with my dad. I remember my dad handing him his urinal so he could relieve himself. I thought of that later when I had my night's stay for my knee surgery. I tried the urinal. I failed. I had to change beds. He had a better handle on his situation than I did*.

   That gaunt, tired face is what I see on my father more and more.

   Along with his mother's bowed, stubby, African forest, super-calf
   legs.

   (I assume that's where he gets it from anyway).

   I never really knew any of them. I think I tried to talk to my maternal (Annie M.) once while I stayed a couple weeks with her before college. Don't remember (much of) anything about it. My paternal (family) (Marie B.) I spent far less time around. They lived farther away.

   My mom's grandmother actually outlived my grandmother. She died while I was up here. No excuse for not trying to talk to her more.

  My mom tried to find out about her biological father from her, but didn't really get anything.

   (shrug)

(friend: But what does one do with all of one's grandparents passed on?)

   correction - Marie B. was a year after Annie M. I had one family death near me for each of my first 3 years of school.

  You prepare your self to be the vessel to pass what they had on to those who never knew or barely knew (them).

  I think more and more that we are far more like ants than we think...humanity is a colony. Like mold >:)


  We all birth, we all live, we all die.


  But we exist as a whole...each individual life is not so important as we like to make it in the "West".

  As one of us is born, we are all born,

  so on with life and death.

  We are nothing without the connection. I used to think that greatness justifies the connection, but it is the connection that inspires greatness ( I think ).

  Thus, we come and we go.

WE come and WE go.

  The only way to deal with the loss, is to perpetuate them.

  And I don't mean "they'll always be alive as long as we remember...."

  I mean pass them on in spirit as much as they passed on their DNA. Understand what they wanted to give. Eventually you understand it the way they did.

  About that time is probably when it will be time for someone to pass it on for you (us).

  Human life really is a blink. You have your eyes open for a while,

and then blink.

___



*(it is only now, 3 years later, that I recognize this unintended pun and insert a posthumous rim shot)

Yesterday/Today/Just now I -

- let time get away and drove into Manhattan to be on time, got stuck behind a kerosene truck, was late....decided to take a shot by taking a right on Mercer and saw a delivery guy getting in his truck parked right in front of a long line of blocked spaces....got to go home early and was tipped $15 in cash on the spot to "help with gas".

- realized there was MUCH more work to do on the Trek, realized I need to get some pictures of the Raleigh so I could at least get it on eBay before the week started, decided to check craigslist for "bike wanted" - responded to the only there which happened to be asking for exactly what the Raleigh is, offered to come into the city before dark, realized that I had somehow misplaced a necessary part, decided to just be honest about it, ended up more than what I wanted despite all that...

- walked down Columbus trying to make the bus in time to use my transfer, saw a tourist family being oblivious and yelled for a teen to watch out who (of course) responded that she wasn't in the middle of the street (she might as well have been), barked back that she was and that it was her choice if she wanted to die, kept stepping, heard some run trot up beside me and say "thank you for saving my daughter's life" and was thanked by daughter daughter herself a few steps later ("thank you for saving my life").


Then I made the bus.


....;-p

Censhorship y Azucaaaaaar

I am currently having trouble controlling the potty mouth.

I have also gone from craving pancakes to donuts.

The former, I believe has to with waking up @3a and watching nerdflix constantly since.

The latter, I blame on Leslie Knope.

Smoking the Mirror - Audio Documentation of a Stop-and-Frisk

I will purr and bounce

at just about any song that incorporates a synth vamp/pitch bends.

May you use this knowledge wisely.

“You go about God’s work in your way,

and I'll go about it in His."

from this.

Roger Ebert: 1942 -2013

"We were getting ready to go home today for hospice care, when he looked at us, smiled, and passed away."

 

....


His final blog, here.

Communion

I've thought about therapeutic things in the past few months, both in terms of giving and receiving.

I've thought about needing mental therapy and my (completely unschooled or licensed) ability to give it.

I've thought about meditation. I've participated in it a few times. On rare occasion I've tried it by myself. I think I've only managed to achieve what I would think of as a meditative state accidentally.

(which is prolly  how it works).

I have recently noticed that I respond strongly to music that puts me in a meditative state....though this isn't music I listen to for that purpose. I listen to it because I like it, it helps me focus.

But, recently, I'm really noticing how strongly I react - how much of a change takes place with meditative music.

It's like:

"oh, that's ----- OH, that's!

Ohhhhhhhhh - > mmmmmmm.

Yeah."

So, I think this is my self showing me what I need.

Recognition of purpose, notwithstanding:

there is suddenly

so much happening right now.

 Today I heard a song that caused me to feel so much I was left speechless. I still feel different for having heard it. Some 12/13 hours later I have yet to listen to it or any other music....perhaps out of subconcious fear of being pulled out of somewhere I need to be, or a new place that I just want to be in.

 Thursday, I reached out to someone. Saturday I heard the voice of someone I've thought about nigh daily for 12 years for the first time in ... I can't even quite figure it now, but close to the same amount of time. The sound was jarring. Expecting something down-to-earth, soft yet pragmatic. I heard something matter-of-fact and urgent, immediate, pragmatism born of experience, indignant, hardened, hurt - a lot like what I've heard many times up here and thought "this is what this strange life does to you -- thiis is why I can't have a life from anyone raised in this... too hard, too much pain to beat up against,".

 Friday, I thought there was an inconvenient truth. Today, I understand that what needs to be is not scheduled according to my timeline.

 Sunday, I related to someone's pain. A little while ago I remembered that I once asked God to "make me a healer".

 Monday I asked a leading question....and today the respondent had already made it to the next step .

 A few weeks ago, I said something that I had to say to move on. And today I am here.

 ...

so, much is happening.


apparently, it really is spring.

U.N.K.L.E - Bloodstain (from Psyence Fiction)

Kenji Williams - Aura

Northcape - Grove Park

The universe

is doing it.

again.

Fresh Moods - One Two

("Love & Happiness")

After two weeks of reading

on an e-Ink-based device, I can say that I prefer it to a book, unless said book is bound in a way that all pages are flat when the book is open.

That typical page curve does weird things to my brain.


Now, if only I could get a 7 inch reader that's digital ink and just a hair more square...

Social Media Is Bullsh!t, Chapter 8...

...in general.


(read it)

Fresh Moods: Fever

Makebelieve Madness

I just had a dream where I think I was reliving the glory of my alma mater playing my grad school in basketball....except I was playing FOR my alma mater....and it seemed we were playing on a much-upgraded version of the only place I played organized basketball: my junior high school gym.

"My Bad Sex Wasn't Rape"

Interesting.

Cyberpunk_derivatives

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberpunk_derivatives

Humor: explained

 

(Tom Haverford) 

+ 

("hOw Does IT feEl?") 

= 

{guffaw}

Fila Brazilia - AZed (Coldcut touch-up)

A downtembient classic. One of my favorites, always eliciting the nodded head.

glisten.

 

Telefon Tel Aviv - Fahrenheit Fair Enough

Pentaura (Pentatonik Mix)

yes.

Yes.

YES.

Krishna, from chapter 12

"Who hateth nought Of all which lives, living himself benign, Compassionate, from arrogance exempt, Exempt from love of self, unchangeable By good or ill; patient, contented, firm In faith, mastering himself, true to his word, Seeking Me, heart and soul; vowed unto Me,— That man I love! Who troubleth not his kind, And is not troubled by them; clear of wrath, Living too high for gladness, grief, or fear, That man I love! Who, dwelling quiet-eyed,[FN#25] Stainless, serene, well-balanced, unperplexed, Working with Me, yet from all works detached, That man I love! Who, fixed in faith on Me, Dotes upon none, scorns none; rejoices not, And grieves not, letting good or evil hap Light when it will, and when it will depart, That man I love! Who, unto friend and foe Keeping an equal heart, with equal mind Bears shame and glory; with an equal peace Takes heat and cold, pleasure and pain; abides Quit of desires, hears praise or calumny In passionless restraint, unmoved by each; Linked by no ties to earth, steadfast in Me, That man I love! But most of all I love Those happy ones to whom 'tis life to live In single fervid faith and love unseeing, Drinking the blessed Amrit of my Being!:



{Anonymous (2011-03-24). The Song celestial; or, Bhagabad-gîtâ (from the Mahâbhârata) being a discourse between Arjuna, prince of India, and the Supreme Being under the form of Krishna (Kindle Locations 788-799).  . Kindle Edition}


(I currently have no idea what "FN#25" indicates. I always thought it was mis-or-uninterpretated code)

Theme Song

Dammit, Jim Henson.

Water

While watching P & R on NF, I just realized that I had a dream last night that I was on a late run of the ferry and they used a fastboat instead of the real ferry.

Not the first dream I've had being on the ferry...

Once, I think I dreamed I rode on the extreme outside of a boat...also pretty sure I went into the water at least once.

Directing lesson #....

I would like to permanently and universally replace the idiom "we went another direction" with "we chose somebody else".

The truth may hurt now; un-truth may not hurt now.

-but-

One is medicine:

The other is poison.

Busy - Avogadro

I wish I had more than 30 seconds to offer you....



(in...

and

ooooooouuuuuuuuuuuut.......)

Leer

Not to beat the dead, depressed horse, but I find myself rapt with embarassment in addition to the overall theme of disappointment apparent in the past several months (@least).

However, reading "The Negro" by W.E.B. DuBois on an E-Ink device has managed to divert my attention from general malaise in the immediate moment.

I may slowly be coming to the resolution that I am supposed to be teaching something somewhere.

This would be a realization had it not already been that more than a decade ago.

Perhaps this will be the solar cycle that I get over the common feeling that teaching is the result of failure.


Thinking about it now, there was a time when I would have been adamant to vehement against such a suggestion.


Oh, to be so prodigal...

Jungle truth

Then something began to hurt inside him, as he had never been hurt in his life before, and he caught his breath.

"What is it? What is it?" he said. "I do not know what this is. Am I dying?"

"No, Little Brother. That is only tears such as men use. Let them fall."

Currently debating

on whether to even bother trying to get some sleep before trying to make a 6:40a boat to get to LIC by 8a.



I really hope this bg "photo shoot" doesn't turn out to be an 8hr thing.

VHS Head - Rent Responsibly

From a rocking chair on a porch:

I know I am old now because I find un-childed newlywed couples and their small, sparse, urban homes cute.



Instead of annoying.






(I am aware of the slight formatting issue above. I'm sure it annoys me to no end. I am unsure when I'll care enough to fix it.)

Anachronism

This pic looks like it was taken 15-20 years into it's future.

I've had enough of the whining from upstairs

not merely because I've had my fill of the 40s construction with floors thin enough for me to be able to make out "Dod-dyyy!! Can I please....".

It is also because this is happening at 1:05am ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.

OUT PUT THAT CHILD IN THE DAMN BED UNLESS YOU'RE HOME SCHOOLING HER.

 edit: this likely came from downstairs

grafitti

Revisiting the "Atlas" theme for a second...

(click for context)

So: "Place your pain here".

Got it? Good. Now -

I have a secret: I want to be a super hero.

That is my dream.

Not acting, or being famous, or opening a business.

Not pretend to be. Actually be.


And that's my problem. I don't operate much in the tangible.


And...


It has just occurred to me that I have reached (and been for some time at) the point where I need a place to put mine...


Maybe muscle tone isn't the only thing you lose with age.

T.Raumschmiere - Someday

My general stance

on dumb-goofy characters is disdain, but I must admit an affinity for Erin.

That ##:!? Just said "I was reading the mattress tag and fell asleep."

People keep

Speaking to me in public like they know me...including waving while driving.


cWj

Just heard

while walking down 8th Ave:

"is that you're real ass or your stripper ass...."
cWj

BEP perfectly summarized:

"It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll, it's rap for people who don't like rap, it's pop for people who don't like pop."

Robert California
"The Office"
Season 8, Ep. 10

Emad Burnat's Academy questionaire

http://cdn.media.oscar.abc.com/media/2013/pdf/nominees/documentary-feature-5-broken-cameras-emad-burnat.jpg

no. (fb)

Today is one of those days where I find blackfolX reaction to something
likely mis-aimed.

This is part of the reason why I've decided to make today a fb fast day.

Yesterday started as a food fast day.

It ended with me eating an entire mediocre, overpriced pizza.

(which blew out 3 other separate things I'd mostly made a divestiture from)

Let's see if today's venture sticks.

Hallucination

Had a dream I was in a class setting with a teacher that seemed to have it out for me. It involved reading something in a way that I couldn't quite do proficiently, me feeling conspicuous, that class feeling awkward at obvious conflict. Or something.


cWj

I would love it

If I could one day (soon) manage to stop screwing up in bunches.

cWj

I just heard

"Times a Wastin'" for the first time on the train.

One would think it wouldn't have taken listening to it for 12 years for that to happen.

A Plea for Help

Please, make me stop watching The Office (US) on my mother's netflix so I can get something done.

half

I have, for the first time in my life so far as I know, seen a picture of my brother's biological father.

la pluma

I just scratched out a section on a script and noticed the smell of ball-point ink for the first time.

Ever.

Fox News Claims Solar Won't Work In US Because It's Not Sunny Like Germany

Will Oremus, SLATE

Thanks to Fox News and its expert commentators, millions of Americans now understand the real, hidden reason why Germany's solar-energy industry is so much further along than ours. Turns out it has nothing to do with the fact that Germany's government has long supported the industry far more generously, with policies like feed-in tariffs that stimulate investment in green technologies. No, the real reason is much simpler, explained a trio of journalists on Fox & Friends: It's always sunny in Germany!

"The industry's future looks dim," intoned host Gretchen Carlson at the beginning of the segment, which was preserved for posterity by the liberal blog Media Matters for America. She and her co-host went on to ridicule Obama's "failed" solar subsidies, adding, "The United States simply hasn't figured out how to do solar cheaply and effectively. You look at the country of Germany, it's working out great for them." Near the end of the segment, it occurred to Carlson to ask her expert guest, Fox Business reporter Shibani Joshi, why it might be that Germany's solar-power sector is doing so much better. "What was Germany doing correct? Are they just a smaller country, and that made it more feasible?" Carlson asked.

Joshi's jaw-dropping response: "They're a smaller country, and they've got lots of sun. Right? They've got a lot more sun than we do." In case that wasn't clear enough for some viewers, Joshi went on: "The problem is it's a cloudy day and it's raining, you're not gonna have it." Sure, California might get sun now and then, Joshi conceded, "but here on the East Coast, it's just not going to work."

Gosh, why hasn't anyone thought of that before? Wouldn't you think that some scientist, somewhere, would have noticed that the East Coast is far less sunny than Central Europe and therefore incapable of producing solar power on the same scale?

You would—if it were true. As Media Matters' Max Greenberg notes, it isn't. Not even remotely. According to maps put out by the U.S. Department of Energy's National Renewable Energy Laboratory, virtually the entirety of the continental United States gets more sun than even the sunniest part of Germany. In fact, NREL senior scientist Sarah Kurtz said via email, "Germany's solar resource is akin to Alaska's," the U.S. state with by far the lowest annual average of direct solar energy.

I look forward to Fox News' correction. Meanwhile, enjoy toggling between the video above and the map below and shaking your head.

wood

I can hear someone snoring in the building.

I need to move somewhere apartments don't exist.

U gotsa to chill..!

I still don't understand tights as outerwear, particularly when it's cold.

There is a reason ski suits are puffy.

Yeah. Pretty much. Life.

(all enjoyable; referring to 11:06 specifically)

I'm just slightly embarrassed that my common though not constant attitude toward sex has been so succinctly summarized without my input.

Amy Farah Fowler

Dream that

I got some kind of mange that was swiftly turning my face/head hair white.

Causing me to like like a b/w Wookie/wolfman.

The beast doth make the world tremble and yawn.

cWj

More from Arjun

"where there is truth, there is victory"

From "Arjun"

"Focus on your task and fear will take care of itself."


cWj

I dreamed last night

That I had a job driving a van that involved parking on a college campus....and I parked my car (the Galant) in a parking garage and had to ask co-worker to come help me find it.

One wonders if this had anything to do with someone last night asking about my car getting towed.

Night before last I had a very short dream that consisted of me going outside and my car not being where I left it.

This place is making me old and crazy.

An Abbreviated Converstation with HP Support

(me): I have an out of warranty device that's bricked. I've tried all the un-bricking methods you offer. How much would it cost to repair the unit?

(they): We're sorry that you are having an issue, please try {all the same stuff he already said he tried}. As your device is outside of the one-year warranty period, the charge for replacing it will be of $385. If you wish to go ahead and process the repair, please contact us again by replying to this email.

(me): Let me get this straight....your were {badgrammar spawned of incredulity} selling this EXACT SAME device for $149.99 BRAND NEW. And it will cost *$385* to replace??

(they): Unfortunately yes, HP has determined that the repair cost of this unit is of $385 dollars. I'm sorry we cannot provide an {badgrammar caused by employment at an ineffectively run corporation} specific reason why HP closed the repair cost at this value. We understand that it is high based in the final price that you have payed. Sadly, there are no discounts or exceptions that we can apply. At the same time, HP is no longer selling extended warranties for webOS devices

(me):  :-|

Mcgullets

I am currently fighting the urge to go get a 20 piece. I blame Burger King.

It may have actually been a decade since I've eaten an McNugget.

Trying to keep it that way.

re: "time"

"Time, you can't see it, you can't weigh it, you can't measure in a laboratory... It's a subjective sense of becoming what we are/will become..."

"Clocks measure time -"

"No, they measure themselves. The objective measure of a clock is another clock."

from The Man from Earth

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAT.

and wheezy.

and easily cramped.

Fresh Moods - Rhythmbreeze

Air - You Can Tell IT to Everybody

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2JocxBaGpE