Home...is this conundrum beating me into sub-missionary position that withers my wherewithal an desensitizes my unusual sensitivity,
where I devolve further into the stasis of stagnative placidity
that I journeyed here to reinvigorate myself out of.
Iron-ic that the dwelling of they who forged the Ogun in me seems to be the perfect quench for his sun-hot bellows.
I left that place where I "work", that room I loathe for its muckish drag on spirit,
that small altar to the great, fetid clutter of my mind
and find
the same
here.
And so
I've done
the same
thing I'd
do there:
dormire.
All those to whom I tie my desire to pro-ceed are here, yet, they all seem to aid me in famil(y)ar pacific activity.
Why.
Why save me through 26 hours of persistence to see this.
Why do I not bare the witness of grand, electric, fiery inspiration?
or at least cross the street to speak to the neighbors.
Perhaps I am being introduced to the truth that I have only to be a great man's son -
not need, not will, not choice...
Elegba toils his deeds through me........and now takes his gleeful feast on my plight.
This house haunts, harrows....does not heal as expected.
Trudge all you want from your terror,
the water is as wet and the mud is as heavy here as it is at home.
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ReplyDeletemaybe.... u haven't found what u anticipated finding at home because it's not a change of environment that your being desires so much as a change of something internal.
maybe... a revival of spirit is in order through Spiritual means. Don't discount or overlook the truth in scripture. Matthew says "Come onto me all that are heavy laden....", Phillipians says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." And even more importantly it says "...And the God of peace will be with you." Romans talks about God working ALL THINGS (in your life) together for your good as you've been called according to his purpose. It's true if you believe it. Psalm 37 IS THE TRUTH. Isaiah 40:31 says "those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Jeremiah 29:11 is the TRUTH: "For I know the plans I have for you- declares the LORD- plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Psalm 84 says that there is no good thing that God will withhold from those who walk uprightly. Proverbs 3 IS the truth. Read it. understand it. and see for yourself in your own life. you know what David wrote to God in Psalm 143:7 (i'll tell you in case you don't read it :P) he said "Answer me speedily oh God, my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me... Cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning... For in you i do trust.. Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for i lift up my soul to you..."
THAT'S real talk if i ever heard it. And God heard him the same way that He hears you when you talk to Him. God's got you. But you have to trust him to bring you to the place you need to be spiritually/ meantally/ physically and professionally. Trust, believe, rely on him... And he will......................
Here's to a graceful new year for you. God's grace and all that it entails. You ARE more than...
more than a conquerer- according to scripture, more than the son of a great man- according to the universe, and more than what you're giving yourself credit for- according to me.
onelove.