"may I say something"

 (sigh)

 I feel bad,

 that, as a person who regularly states the importance of facts and being an informed participant,

 that I am utterly unable to watch the presidential debate.

 

wait - did I not tell you that, because Barack Obama gave up on the push for the culture shift in political discourse away from the assignment of the tribal labels of "Conservative" and "Liberal" (at that point, still secondary to "Rep" and "Dem") assigned by Newt, Rush and the Pennsylvania Avenue NeoCon Krew and, years later, the least qualified least fit human being in...perhaps, all political history was elected (by the electoral college, despite a clear popular vote defeat) as president? 

oh. well. I'm sorry. Yeah... And he didn't even hide that he is a ridiculous sycophant. He didn't try to make himself better to make an actual attempt to do a job that he obviously didn't want (or expect to have to) do.

so. like I was saying - 

I feel like I SHOULD watch the debate in order to be able to talk constructively about it.

which seems like a concept rife with - irony is simply not a big enough word...

I tried. I did. I will try to read a transcript instead.

I guess I will read up on the other items on the ballot now. 

"Ma'am, can I go to the library? I promise I'll go straight there and study...I just can't take any more of THIS."

so, I am fragile, right? 

Snowflakey?

(......)

"Even when I'm clean,

I'm still a dope fiend."

ev ree bah dees awl weiz chrai eeng tu sel mee sohm theeng

old stuff

in rage.

 it hurts.

it literally HURTS.

right here inside this body.

in the place where the breath comes down that moves the blood.


IT LITERALLY PHYSICALLY HURTS

to have someone tell you that they can "talk to anybody"

and pose as though they are listening to you

 

and act as though they want to know what you have to say....

and with the very same breathe

tell you that "nobody can change their mind"....

and tell you that they don't judge

and then set about delineating the sins of the world -

and halt themselves long enough to tell you that 

they "don't know what you do or think" -

then immediately return to telling you what they know you do 

and how you think.....

and you keep letting it happen.

(breath)

(breath)

(lump)

(throat)

(grit)

(hurts).

IT HURTS

Little Bruv

inside the gas station where I went for sugar I didn't need grabbing sugar need didn't with his twist-locked mother in her young mother slight-shrug arm-cross

waving and saying high to me as he got into the car from behind his mask.

I am harboring a lot of anxiety. I have been having dreams...one of people telling me I have symptoms. I am thinking of giving up on the census sense I live with older folk. I am going to try to be steadfast about not entering people's homes.

Or I am definitely going to stop working. 

 I am become increasingly anxious of living in a house with old folke and interacting daily with a possibly-Covid-positive world.

 Also, people in their 20s are assholes, particularly when not from the country, and I feel increasingly unable to deal.

 Also also, why do ..... people hold their mobile devices slanted when video chatting, or whichever.

 

 ugh.

 

sigh.

 

I miss art museums.

 

Children of the Sea is a lovely 2 hour salve for those aching to see light and color and shape.