The thing with the drum...

it's nothing but time...that's all it is.

Weather report - manolete

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MRotCcbGIYg

Maso Chism

And then there's the point in life

where you have to moment

when you wonder:

"am I the only person I know who managed to, somehow, temporarily blind himself in one eye...

with a sandwich."

(scene)

From Above

"Introspective"

I think I'd like to know

more about the mountain people of central Africa.

--

Peace:
cW

The plays of Gertrude Stein

were either never intended to be performed as plays,

(using the script form as a different framework to construct poetry)

or are complete and utter bullshit.

contact

There are moments when it occurs to you that you need a hug. There are many others when it doesn't, though you still need the embrace.

hu-mans are weerd.

"Eine Verabredung" - Barbara Morganstern

Wheelie

I just realized/remembered that I dreamed I was riding a unicycle within the past couple nights/days.

Someone there was encouraging. I believe it was the honorable Bill Montgomery.

(no, you likely don't know him, but I do)

I never imagined

sitting outside on the boat at night amid lightly flurried snow in the hurried darkness of almost-winter night

with a visibility so low as to virtually hide the mile of construction that is the Verrazano and the millions of people that is Brooklyn

could be this pleasant.

Quiet.

Beautiful, even.

Object Recognition

(while taking pictures in the open storage area at Brooklyn Museum)

Lady with group of 3 others: Excuse me, have you been on the fourth floor?

Me: Yeah

Lady: What's down there?

Me: an architecture/design exhibit - models of home interiors from NY in the 19th century

Lady: Oh, that's sounds good. Thank you.

Me: Your welcome

Lady: (walking away)...wichyo fine self...

Me: ...(smirk)

"Humility makes people beautiful...".

...

Hm.

(spoken by rpp)

Trustfalls

Mister Lies

dear snow,

Please: STOP IT.

Signed,

People Who Want to Put the Cylinder Jug and Head Back on Their 18yr Old Bike Before Staring at It Trying to Decide How They're Going to Get the Cams Back to the Correct Timing and Kicking Themselves for not Leaving the Crank at R/T Before Taking It All Apart

"Like 9 cans of shaving powder...

...this is funky."

Ohio Players - Funky Worm: http://youtu.be/bSIb4T5vu9E

Skill

Today I saw a seagull practicing its hang gliding. I wonder if it was having fun.

A lie

is a curse...

A curse broken only with the truth.

The longer the duration the lie has existed,
the more insistent one must be with the truth.

A lie is a cancer.
The truth is a healer.

Lower your pride,
raise your voice.

Beckon, "send me a healer!

Lord, send me a healer..."

Ari's Eyes - Victor Wooten

Ari's Eyes - Victor Wooten Bass Day 2002: http://youtu.be/3mBfTe9owUw

"When I die..

...you better second-line."




(kermitruffins)

Senility

I just put an empty mug in the microwave on high for 1 minute, 15 seconds.

(sigh)

The chin wins again

Me: (walking into joint)

Dude: slightly wide-eyed look

Me: quick-Nodding recognition, looking away

Dude: Dude!

Me: thinking this must be a tv recognition moment

Dude: Nice beard!

Me: (moment of recognition)

Me: Thanks.

Twice this past week, I was complimented on my beard.

Kinda knew what was coming. That's not a completely rare occurrence. Y'all young boys need to step your beard game up.

Last night I was told, "you're a good leader".

That's something I've thought I'm not very good at, but kinda wanted to be and thought was an ability I'd not claimed.

(fear)

It was the first time that's been said to me. I didn't even realize that I was "leading".

Maybe that's the best kind of leadership.

Or just the kind that works for me.

Say cheese

I just had my first "I have to take your picture " actor recognition experience.

Interesting.

And I didn't even run away.

Just overheard outside the Vanderbilt

"...'cuz he a limp-dicked fag - and no disrespect to gay people..."

I just played "Flava in Ya Ear"...

and I think I'm reliving that moment when I realized I don't like "Wild
Thing".

(as in Tone-Loc)

Histry

I just saw a man limping the wrong way down the 8th ave bike path wearing a SWAC championship shirt with GSU on the right.

We are currently a marginal Division III team.

And that doesn't completely bother me.

My philosophical opposition has begun overtaking my interest/enthusiasm.

Not that I no longer cut for the home team,

I'm just more concerned about the home team doing something more important than touchdowns and shallow state hubris. 


I think.

Formality

One day...

If you are looking

(observant),

you may see a man,

walking casually,

with locked tresses so long that he has to hold them draped over a bent arm:

like a royal or noble keeping the tails of his robes out of the dust.

Plumage

Today I was told my beard looks fake. Earlier this week (or last?) I was asked if I dyed it ("really, it's jet black?).

And yet, I come from them red-haired sometimes red-toned folk... 

Yo soy

muy, MUY,

full of isht.

confused.

thoroughly.

Sitting in the courtyard of the library

on an ever less-seasonally cool Saturday afternoon...

after several minutes of power nap...

reading a couple chapters of Burroughs (with his overwrought ass)...

may not be "everything".

Today, however,

it is enough.

I am currently

listening to the Yancey Boys page on Soundlcoud after having learned
that the verse that I always thought was Baatin in "Raise It Up" is
actually J and now understanding why Kweli said that Dilla was one of
the greatest triple threats ever.

And, no, that wasn't a run-on sentence. :-P

In other Kweli news: Don Lemon has apparently solidified himself as The
New Symbolic Tom not long after Jesse reasserted his lack of relevance.

Funny thing about uprisings and movements...funny how they tend to reveal the
the old, the new, the malleable, the stagnant, the quick, the dead, the
growing, the inert.

If I was smart and ambitious, I would be blogging long and hard about
Ferguson and letting everybody in the world know and going there and
sticking my face in front of cameras and talking opinionating,

but I'm only half of those two things only half of the time so.

Yeah. Happy End-Of-Summer.

;-#

"Create no images of God.

Accept the images that God has provided. They are everywhere, in everything."



EARTHSEED: THE BOOKS OF THE LIVING

One Self - "hollow human beings"

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqEYvcG63yg

I was just approached by a stranger

on her phone while in Soho Park asking  whether I'd been on a certain tv program. She apologized. It was only slightly weird.

I'm pretty sure

I no longer feel strongly about anything...

Not about anything that matters or is permanent anyway.

You ever wonder what you did

that put your life on trajectory of everything being wrong no matter what you do, try to do, or the origin of the intention behind the attempt?
 
"Now is reason past care"

:-#

To want love is to invite pain,

to pursue sex in lieu of love, is to want not to be hurt.




!#©× you.


wuss.

I just tried to sit cross-legged

and felt a cramp coming on in lefty.

i backed off and tried again: same result.

I am now so sh!tty that I can't even sit without catching a charlie horse.

Old sucks.

(being an actor)

"is a very interesting way to live if you can get away with it."

I am confused

by something I just saw.


How can you have a small, slender body but a muscular chest/fakebust?

It's 1:35 in the morning

I'm trying to write a 30 second spoof ad for a class,


and I want tacos.



That is all.

sub ID - punchbowl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3DTDcKybx4

" A dream’s a way

to make a wish come true.  "

from a play...

Kindershepherd

I am currently feeling a great deal of urge to tell this longslender-limbed, mulatto-featured sprite on the train to role the legs of her already-short-shorts down.

"It's easy for the victim to say...

...they forgive. It's not easy for the guilty to forgive themselves."


...hm.

Naked

My roommate has just summed up eveyone's general reaction to my currently bare face.

"Man, every time you shave that, it freaks me out."

Interestingly, this was the first time it didn't freak me out.

That changed as of the second day when I realized I look not only like a completely different person, but a person I actually know.

I might need to grow my face back.

Modern Realism

Me: Hey, how you doin?

Door guy: I'm good, you?

Me: Pretty good?

Door Guy: Actually, I'm lyin' to ya. I'm not doin' too well.

Me: Aw, man.

(exit into elevator)

 ....

The truth is a healer.

Tell it.

It is hot.

I can remember when 85F was nothing, but it's had me hiding inside most
of the day.

I dare say I've gotten old.

The Catherine Tate Show, Ep. 102

10:00 mins in.

Reasearch

I just tried to watch an episode of SNL for sketch writing class.

I made it through two sketches.

It ended part-way through the third in a litany of variations of the F-bomb.

Where is The State when you need it?

Where, indeed.

Cataract

I am having one of those moments where I wish I was sleepy because I can neither focus nor find something with which to busy myself.

I signed up for a sketch comedy writing class that has homework due Monday. One day I will understand what it is about having to do something that causes me to be incapable of doing it.

Perhaps it is the motorcycle. I DESPERATELY wish Pokey was running. I have needed motorized therapy for about 3 weeks now.

I Am That Dude

that, when a woman asks him for a quarter and is told "God bless you" then asked why somebody replied "I don't believe in God" when she offered the same blessing goes on to have that whole conversation about receiving the blessing someone offers you and the religious zeal of Athiests.

You know what sucks?

Crying in an audition and not even getting a callback.


That shit SUCKS...


and is probably kind of embarrassing.


Getting naked...all for naught.


The comparison of the audition process to the love process continues, unabated.

I guess, when you spend more than a month

kind of obsessing over someone who you have NO idea WHY you are,

it takes more than deleting some texts, "un-friending"


(eyeroll)


and a night of sleep to be done with the issue.

Hell hath no fury

like that person who jocks HARD

until they get what they want

and then could not care less

whether you exist.


They leave you


scrambling

and clutching

for a shred

of attention.

I am starting to hate that Shange & Parks ever became widely read in playwriting school.

PLAYWRIGHTS, USE %%$&&%# COMMON SENTENCE AND PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE AND PUNCTUATION SO WE KNOW WHAT THE -%$%%!!! YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY INSTEAD OF TRYING TO WRITE THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO SOUND.
 
Or add a guide to your script we what your misguided @$$ed attempt was meant to accomplish...

I have no idea where these came from

Such are the perils of the communal laundry facility.

Edit:

upon going downstairs to wash last night, there were some thong unders left on the floor.

Thong unders that were so slight as to appear more as strap of some sort rather than something meant to cover "something".

I still don't get the prevalence of thongs. It seems like air flow would feel better, but my bits and/or pieces are not so arranged. 

Use It vs. Lose it

I sort of feel like I don't know how to act anymore.

The same fire doesn't feel like it's there.

I am as excited reading a piece, but putting the words in my mouth feels....

(shrugz)

Maybe it's just been a long time.

Maybe it just takes an old engine longer to turn over.

Maybe I just need to get off this keyboard and fight with this script
some more.

Byrne & Barnes - Love You Out Of Your Mind

Life is like working on cars or bikes

You learn from messing up.

You get excited and try things without the necessary tools.

You put things off that you are afraid to try,

And then you finally do it, figure out how you are supposed to do it...

and wish you'd tried it all a long time ago.

I am currently sitting in Ripley Grier reading a play for an audition that I hoped wouldn't turn into my life.

In two pages it absolutely has.

I guess I should keep reading. Maybe there's an answer at the end.

  

Sticker Shock

  This past Sunday I headed into the city to see a 2pm show and possibly drop in on a Tony party.

When I bounded from the boat, down into the station and onto the 1 train, I sat across from a gentleman wearing this sticker.

 

As a "performing artist" trying to remain alive and knowing several others who consider themselves to be the same, it resonated with me.

I had just had an experience where I asked to take a picture of someones bag and they said no. Since, however, I learn nothing from any past experience EVER, I asked again in this case instead of just going with the stealth cellphone shot. I was rewarded by being told I could have the sticker itself.

(word? gimme.)

He then volunteered that he got it from an art fair not far from the ferry. The artsy types out on the island are mostly concentrated in the area near the ferry and I've seen people with tables out with their wares before: visual art.

After I accepted the sticker and placed it smoothly and firmly upon my own shirt, it occurred to me that the intended meaning was different from the way I read it. I read it as "artists existing/subsisting as artists". Coming from visual arts/handcrafts fair, it occurred to me the more literal meaning: support artists who are still ALIVE.

Still a sentiment I could get with and still open enough to interpretation to fit my more specific needs, I thought it would be a nice sentiment since I would spend at least part of the day at a show and another part of the day among people in them/trying to get in them.

After the exchange with him, I decided to switch to the 3 train at Chambers.

At 14th Street a young woman with short locks, a backpack and folder hopped onto the train. I was standing in the doorway opposite of where she came in, and she immediately smiled at me. At the time I thought it may have been a bit of the common recognition that happens among those of locked hair. Then, once I saw she was busking, I thought it may have just come from that bit of openness that comes with salesmanship.

For a second, I thought she may have been just riding the train and in a rare (for the city) good mood. Then she opened a folder and began impassioned exhortation for support for her artistic endeavors. She showed examples of her visual art and explained that she has kids and was trying to support herself and her family via her art.

This is not particularly uncommon. Well, it's not AT ALL uncommon on the subway.

There was, however, a performative aspect to it that caught my attention. It seemed to be, if not written,  a rehearsed piece that specifically referenced common means of avoiding giving attention to train buskers (" put down your book and LISTEN to me) and intrigued me enough to lift an earphone off so I could hear it (and maybe so she would know somebody was listening).

I will now add that I am EXPERT at ignoring train performances and have a particular, high standard for what I will pay attention to. I am willing to give you attention - but I need you to have PRACTICED YOUR SH!T and have some understanding of theatricality.

(I mean YOU breakdancers/hat dancers/singers)

What also struck me about her was that on the outside of her folder, I could see the info for her GoFundMe account. Again, different from the average and more in line with the people I know rather than just another person hustling on the subway.

As she finished, I pulled out my wallet to give her a dollar. I also had the idea to give her my card - I think as form of solidarity. Or maybe to say, "hey, I take you seriously,".

She came over, I handed it to her, she thanked me adding, "that's what I'm talking about. Can I give you a hug? You 'bout to make me cry up in here.".

This time I could plainly tell she was referencing the sticker...

And I thought it might just be about adding a little more to the presentation, but I gave her a hug anyway.

And it was a real, firm hug.

And when we released, she did have tears running down her cheeks.

I said something encouraging, wishing I could come up with something more poignant. I suddenly glanced out of the doors to check the stop when they opened and backed out onto the platform.

I regret not asking her name.

People in my building have recently found out that I'm an actor (due to a certain NY Lottery commercial). Sometimes...I guess even often, when people hear you are an actor, they will compare their "normal" job to it. They way this happens varies, but the insinuation is that they have a "real" job; they would love to get to do an "easy" job like yours.

Living as an artist is hard enough. Trying to live off of your art is even harder.

It is real. It is not easy.

And no one (including artists) seems to understand just how integral artists are.

At some point I will likely come here and wax long about my views on how poorly artists contextualize the tangible, literal, pragmatic importance of what they do.


For now, just this:

support living artists.

edit: while walking along 6th ave last week, I saw her heading west (yes, among the 8 million people in Manhattan any given day). Her name is Sha. This is her GoFundMe

syntax

I have decided to forego expletives for the next 7daya

we shall see ds it goes...

Alas,

I am festooned with feet fickle,

with cartoonish ephemerality,

stereo-typic of cartoonish women;

so do I declare:



all the Puma's are being returned.




Whirlwinds just don't feel right when they're not colored black.

Dear Internet,

Please, go back to being boring and interesting...

instead of entertaining, titillating, eroticizing, polarizing, incentivizing, ad-generating...

(etc.)

Signed,

That kid who used to get nothing done getting lost in you that now gets nothing out of getting lost because of you.

Supplication

 (one day, a hurt man looked up and said)

"Dear God,
 The Truth,
 What-Is-And-Has-Been-And-Will-Be:

 I once asked you to make me a healer;

 Now I am asking you to send me one.

 Amin"



 (amin)

The Monkey

I just realized, after setting my Neuro Sequencer app for "dream state", that I dreamed about Gizmo last night.

The brain was heavy and my little feelings have been hurt, so I needed a to go for a good dream. I think I do better today.

Sometimes I miss Gizmo.

I need a girlfriend.

There. I said it.

"I am a human being,

I consider nothing that is human alien to me."

Terence

Chappelle & Angelou

"courage, the most important of all virtues. Because, without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently."

Maya Angelou

It occurs to me

that a periodic date is useful because it is good exercise in attentiveness.

Or just good exercise?

Perhaps I'll explain more later.

...that moment when one looks down

and realizes that strange, thin shadow on the floor is not a shadow at all,

but that length of lock that had been hanging on for dear life

that you didn't want to let go.

Oops!

nevermind. Puma.com has them 30% off for the weekend...

Not exactly the right colors, so crisis mostly averted.

zapatos

Of course, now that I have a little money with which to buy (and keep
this time) those Puma Whirlwind Classics, NOBODY has them in my damnably
common size.



Boo. Boo, I say.




(sigh)




In other news: sex ruins everything.

The ducat$

A week of cool, high-school-cute normalcy descended into personal annoyance and emotional volatility dropping headlong into a descent of regular new bad news.

So, a week of nice was the precursor to 10 days of relative hell of one sort or another.

(as it turns out, I'm really sensitive to room colors and having my stuff touched

And about 30 minutes ago my roommate walks in and hands me two letters, one being from my "talent manager".

I open it and see a four figure check.

And I immediately looked up and sighed in relief, as I'd just paid rent, and in the midst of sorting through job postings on the state employment site.

And then, being the cerebral nitwit I am, I thought about it.

I'd much rather my cousin could still coddle and care for her 7 month old son.

I'd much rather my other cousin was watching his daughter play in the spring-soon-summer sun instead of holding her little unconscious hand after surgery and in preparation for a round of chemo.

I'd much rather my father were feeling better and able to putt around after he putt a round.

And I like, REALLY despise money....


but I sighed that sigh,

didn't I?

The beginning of anything

must be the hardest thing in the world.

Live. Now.

(inhale)

(exhale)

(absorb)

(explode)

:-#

.....

I grew up not being normal.

In high school I was usually never around kids like me.

(which I now realize sounds...chauvinistic?)

I have always been an exception.

So, I came to this city full of "exceptional" people, never intending to
stay here the 10 years I have.

I realized I'm weird here, too.

Recently, I tried feeling normal....and it was nice for a while,

but I think I've come to a conclusion pressed home by the weight of 12
million signs:

it doesn't matter where I go,

I will always occupy a space outside of whatever the local average is.

I am inherently,

biologically

intrinsically,

chemically,

genetically,

not

normal.

Never before have I wanted to peel off my (_____)ness,

not because I no longer want it,
because I feel I no longer deserve it.

"Green, indeed,

is the colour of lovers. "

(sigh)

My manager* gets on my nerves.





(* as in "agent", not "supervisor")

I am changing.

I thought I might be for a couple years now, but there is a definite difference in this moment.


I am a ball of raw nerves. I need something, I think.

I respond.

I finally changed my license. I decided to be where I am.

I want desperately to love, but I won't admit it.

I want to drink you in, I want to wash myself over with you even though I know you're no good for me.

I will fight.


so,
basically,


I think I'm turning normal.

I am currently on the boat watching

a family playing a charade-type game via mobile device and am not annoyed by it.

....?

"The United States Census Bureau defines White people as those "having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa."

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/meta/long_RHI505210.htm

bolas azules

I am not quite certain what I did to invite it, considering there's been
no arousal to speak of today and certainly nothing intense and prolonged
to invite the condition,

but Righty is tender.

I assume I'm being paid back. For something.

Ok. I'll be good.


(ow)

Today's theorem

Truth is like energy. It can neither be created nor destroyed.

It is. Always.

I don't think I know enough people

who understand the glory involved in having just been called "The Stig".

(walking around with helmet on)

I am officially declaring a moratorium on playwrights that write dialogue with no punctuation and call it "stream of consciousness" or "stream of thought".

If it's written correctly, we'll get what it is

Furthermore, people reading the script need the punctuation SO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY $#??$ YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.

I have moments

When I understand that I am nothing but the average of a 12 year old boy and a dirty old man. 

I am tired of my temper testing my patience.

(particularly when my patience loses)

I took the 3:30 drunk boat, saw a man so incapacitated his friends were carrying him arm-under-arm onto the boat.

Then I went to the front of the main deck (in effort to avoid a perceived high potential for drunken stupidity. I ate a little, thought a little...and looked around to see several people dosing on each other's shoulders, laps, chests and couples boo'ed up.

It was the first time I've ever found anything about the ferry in the wee hours on the weekend remotely adorable.

Maybe that's progress.

Today,

while on the train:

I saw a youngwoman whose face seemed as though she could have been hewed by spirits from wood

sanded in so many steps that all separation of grain and splinter melted into a consistent hue -

and rubbed with oil so that she shone.



And I found myself almost-despairing that I was not alone...

and that I had no tears...

so that I could weep the pleasure of the seeing.

A Note to Any Future Cohabitants

I need to always be near a steady, abundant supply of paper towels.

Seinfeld to Stern

"Your career is a victory over the self...you conquered yourself."

("conquered your self"?)

Right.

I am currently on the boat

sitting a ways away from a hybrid if Wilford Brimley and Holmes' Watson dressed for a jungle forest excursion.

I don't know if I want hot English breakfast or sun brewed iced.

Bliss =

That moment when a character says exactly what you've been screaming at
the screen for 2 seasons.

Voyager, 703, 12:30

The Grind

I'm not sure when, but at some point I became a teeth-gnasher.

This does not bode well for ye-of-little-to-no-health-or-dental-coverage.

"I never refer to me as an artist,

---

From: CWalkerJr
Sent: 2/3/2014 8:55
To: C. Walker, Jr.
Subject: "I never refer to me as an artist,

It's third of February.

I'm already tired of snow.

Ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNNoU13Xu6M&sns=em

(sigh)

Food.

and poverty.

:-/

011010111 et Magnifique!

I am that dude in GIMP.

That is all.