Closed circuit

i just tried to play a series of brain exercise games.

And i noticed difficulty following fast moving objects or tracking more than one.

And i noticed i was holding my breath when I couldn't  track or understand the game

And my anxiety increased when i heard the "wrong answer" sound

And trying to breathe more deeply/with more intention didn't help

And several wrongs in a row caused a feeling in my ...solar plexus?

A not-good(?) tingling (?)

it's hard to deal with conflict

and it's hard to deal with duplicity 

And it's hard to deal with failure 

with losing

and there's a feeling like nausea 

except for the soul

                   the self

I'm going to lose 

I'm going to lose

                              it.

it hurts. 

I'm hurt

I was hurt

I'm  tired

I want to go home

I have no home

I have to shut my eyes 

I covered my eyes 

I had to stop

I had to put it down

I had to stop

I put it down...and closed my eyes...and my breath came back to me.

I just sighed. 

I am going to play something different now.

:-|

Please. Leave me alone.

Please,

leave me alone.

Please:

leave me alone.

Please -

leave me alone.

Please;

leave me alone.

PleaseLeaveMeAlonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemea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nepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealonepleaseleavemealoneplea

I have reached the point in my life where James Earl Jones and Frankie Beverly are no longer here...

And I don't know what to do with that.

Listen to: Summer camp capitalism

Listen to: Summer camp capitalism - https://one.npr.org/i/1197961641:1258418814 

 hqppy birthday, gwen.